
(lass_ 'Pl2.2. 

llnok XTg.5 



i^UH.si-:Nri:i) liY 



/ 



HISTORY /4/5 

OF v: 'f *^/ . 

N E W-Y O R K, 

FROM THE 

BEGINNING OF THE WORLD 

TO THE 

END OF THE DUTCH DYNASTY. 

CONTAINING, 

AMONG MANY SURPRISING AND CURIOUS MATT-zRS 

THE UNUTTERABLE PONDERTNGS OF WALTER THE DOUBri!-R, 

THE DISASTROUS PROJECTS OF WILLIAM THE TESTY, 

AND THE CHIVALRIC ACHIEVEMENTS OF PETER 

THE HEADSTRONG, 

THE THREE DUTCH GOVERNORS OF NEW-AMSTERDAM: 

Being the only Authentic History of the Times that ever hath been published. 

IN TWO VOLUMES. 

SEVENTH AMERICAN EDITION. 



BY DIEDRICH KNICKERBOCKER. 



VOL. II. 



5©e bjaarljeib bic in bui^stct lag, 
t©ie Itamt met hlaatljeib aait bjii Dag* 



CAREY & LEA— CHESNUT-STREET. 



1832. 






Southern District of New-York, to wit : 
#«**** BE IT REMEMBERED, That on the twenty-rirst day of 
*L, S.* November, m the forty-eight year of the independence of the 
****** United States of America, C. S. Van Winkle, of the said 
district, has deposited in this office the title of a Book, the right where- 
of he claims as proprietor, in the words following, to wit : 

" A History of New- York, from the beginning of the world to tlie end of the 
Dutch Dynasty. Containins, among many surprising and curious matters, the 
Unutterable Ponderings of Walter the Doubter, the Disastrous Projects of Wil- 
liam the Testy, and the Cliivalric Achievements of Peter the Headstrong, the 
tliree Dutch Governors of New- Amsterdam. Being the only Authentic Hit^tory 
of the Tunes that ever hath been published. In two volimies. Sixth Ameri- 
can edition. By Diedrich Knickerbocker. 

De waarlieid die in duister lag, 

Die komt met klaarheid aan den dag." 

In Conformity to the Act of the Congress of the United States, en- 
titled, " An Act for the encouragement of Learning, by securing the 
copies of Maps, Charts, and Books, to the Authors and Proprietors of 
such copies during the times therein mentioned." And also to an Ac 
entitled, " An Act supplementary to an Act, entitled ' An Act for the 
Encouragement of Learning, by securing the copies of Maps, Charts, 
and Books, to the Authors and Proprietors of such copies, during the 
times therein mentioned,' and extending the benefits thereof to the arts 
of designing, engraving, and etching, historical and other Prints." 
JAMES DILL, Clerk of the 

Soulhcrn District of Netv-Vork. 






CONTENTS OF YOL. U. 



BOOK V. 



CONTAINING THE FIRST PART OF THE REIGN OF PETER STUY- 
VESANT, AND HIS TROUBLES WITH THE AMPHYCTIONIC 
COUNCIL. 

Chap. I. — In which the death of a great man is shown to 
be no very inconsolable matter of sorrow — and how 
Peter Stuyvesant acquired a great name, from the un- 
common strength of his head, Page 7 

Chap. II. — Showing how Peter the Headstrong bestirred 
himself among the rats and the cobwebs, on entering 
into office— and the perilous mistake he was guilty of, in 
his dealings with the Amphyctions, 15 

Chap. III. — Containing divers speculations on war and 
negotiations — showing that a treaty of peace is a great 
national evil, 22 

Chap. IV. — How Peter Stuyvesant was greatly belied by 
his adversaries the Mosstroopers — and his conduct 
thereupon, 29 

Chap. V. — How the New-Amsterdammers became great 
in arms, and of the direful catastrophe of a mighty 
army — together with Peter Stuyvesant's measures to 
fortify the city — and, how he was the original founder 
of the Battery, 40 

Chap. VI. — How the people of the cast country were sud- 
denly afflicted with a diabolical evil — and their judicious 
measures for the extirpation thereof, 47 



IV CONTENTS. 

Chap. VII — Which records the rise and renown of a 
valiant commander, showing that a man, like a bladder, 
may be puffed up to greatness and importance by mere 
wind, Page 54 

BOOK VI. 

CONTAINING THE SECOND PART OP THE itEIGN OP PETER 
THE HEADSTRONG, AND HIS GALLANT ACHIEVEMENTS ON 
THE DELAWARE. 

Chap. T.— In which is exhibited a warlike portrait of the 
great Peter — and how General Van Poffenburgh distin- 
guished himself at Fort Casimir, 64 

Chap. II. — Showing how profound secrets are often 
brought to light; with the proceedings of Peter the 
Headstrong when he heard of the misfortunes of Gen- 
eral Van Poffenburgh, 77 

Chap. III. — Containing Peter Stuyvesant's voyage up the 
Hudson, and the wonders and delights of that renowned 
river, • 86 

Chap. IV.— Decribing the powerful army that assembled 
at the city of New-Amsterdam — together with the inter- 
view between Peter the Headstrong and General Van 
Poffenburgh, and Peter's sentiments touching unfortu- 
nate great men, 95 

Chap. V. — In which the author discourses very ingenu- 
ously of himself— af\er which is to be found much 
interesting history about Peter the Headstrong and his 
followers, ., 103 

Chap. VI. — Showing the great advantage that the author 
has over his reader in time of battle — together with 
divers portentous movements, which betoken that some- 
thing terrible is about to happen, 114 

Chap. VII — Containing the most horrible battle ever re- 
corded in poetry or prose — with the admirable exploits 
of Peter the Headstrong, 122 



CONTENTS. V 

Chap. VIII. — In which the author and the reader, while 
reposing after the battle, fall into a very grave discourse 
— after which is recorded the conduct of Peter Stuy- 
vesant after his victory, Page 136 

BOOK VII. 

CONTAINING THE THIRD PART OF THE REIGN OF PETER THE 
HEADSTRONG— HIS TROUBLES WITH THE BRITISH NATION, 
AND THE DECLINE AND FALL OF THE DUTCH DYNASTY 

Chap. I. — How Peter Stuyvesant relieved the sovereign 
people from the burthen of taking care of the nation 
— with sundry particulars of his conduct in time of 
peace, 147 

Chap. II — How Peter Stuyvesant was much molested by 
the Mosstroopers of the East, and the Giants of Merry- 
land — and how a dark and horrid conspiracy was carried 
on in the British Cabinet against the prosperity of the 
Manhattoes, 160 

Chap. III.— Of Peter Stuyvesant's expedition into the 
East Country — showing that, though an old bird, he did 
not understand trap, 169 

Chap. IV. — How the people of New-Amsterdam were 
thrown into a great panic, by the news of a threatened 
invasion, and the manner in which they fortified them- 
selves, 181 

Chap. V. — Showing how the grand Council of the New- 
Netherlands, came to be miraculously gifted with long 
tongues — together with a great triumph of Economy, 186 

Chap. VI. — In which the troubles of New-Amsterdam 
appear to thicken — showing the bravery, in time of 
peril, of a people who defend themselves by resolutions, 193 

Chap. VII. — Containing a doleful disaster of Antony the 
Trumpeter — And how Peter Stuyvesant, like a second 
Cromwell, suddenly dissolved a rump Parliament, . . 204 
A2 



VI CONTENTS. 

Chap. VIII. — How Peter Stuyvesant defended the city of 
New- Amsterdam, for several days, by dint of the strength 
of his head, Page 211 

Chap. IX. — Containing the dignified retirement, and mor- 
tal surrender, of Peter the Headstrong, 221 

Chap. X. — The Author's reflections upon what has been 
said, 229 



BOOK I. 



CONTAINING THE FIRST PART OF THE REIGN OF PETER STUY- 
VESANT, AND HIS TROUBLES WITH THE AMPHYCTIONIC 
COUNCIL. 



CHAPTER I. 



In which the death of a great man is shown to be 
no very inconsolable matter of sorrow — and how 
Peter Stuyvesant acquired a great name from the 
uncommon strength of his head. 

To a profound philosopher, like myself, who am 
apt to see clear through a subject, where the pene- 
tration of ordinary people extends but half-way, there 
is no fact more simple and manifest, than that the 
death of a great man is a matter of very little im- 
portance. Much as we may think of ourselves, and 
much as we may excite the empty plaudits of the 
million, it is certain that the greatest among us do 
actually fill but an exceeding small space in the 
world ; and it is equally certain, that even that small 
space is quickly supplied when we leave it vacant. 
*' Of what consequence is it," said Phny, " that indi- 
viduals appear, or make their exit ? the world is a 
theatre whose scenes and actors are continually 
changing." Never did philosopher speak more cor- 
rectly; and I only wonder that so wise a remark 
could have existed so many ages, and mankind not 



8 LOSS OF GREAT MEN LITTLE FELT. 

have laid it more to heart. Sage follows on in the 
footsteps of sage ; one hero just steps out of his tri- 
unnphal car to make way for the hero who comes 
after him ; and of the proudest monarch it is merely 
said, that — " he slept with his fathers, and his suc- 
cessor reigned in his stead." 

The world, to tell the private truth, cares but little 
for their loss, and if left to itself would soon forget to 
grieve ; and though a nation has often been figura- 
tively drowned in tears on the death of a great man» 
yet it is ten chances to one if an individual tear has 
been shed on the occasion, excepting from the forlorn 
pen of some hungry author. It is the historian, the 
biographer, and the poet, who have the whole bur- 
den of grief to sustain; who — kind souls ! — like un- 
dertakers in England, act the part of chief mourners 
— who inflate a nation with sighs it never heaved, 
and deluge it with tears it never dreamt of shedding. 
Thus, while the patriotic author is weeping and 
howling, in prose, in blank verse, and in rhyme, and 
collecting the drops of public sorrow into his volume, 
as into a lachrymal vase, it is more than probable his 
fellow-citizens are eating and drinking, fiddling and 
dancing, as utterly ignorant of the bitter lamentations 
made in their name, as are those men of straw, John 
Doe and Richard Roe, of the plaintiffs for whom 
they are generously pleased on divers occasions to 
become sureties. 

The most glorious and praiseworthy hero that 
ever desolated nations, might have mouldered into 
oblivion among the rubbish of his own monument. 



KIEFT'S EXIT PRODUCED NO PRODIGIES. 9 

did not some historian take him into favour, and be- 
nevolently transmit his name to posterity — and much 
as the valiant William Kieft worried, and bustled, 
and turmoiled, while he had the destinies of a whole 
colony in his hand, I question seriously, whether he 
will not be obliged to this authentic history for all 
his future celebrity. 

His exit occasioned no convulsion in the city of 
New-Amsterdam or its vicinity: the earth trembled 
not, neither did any stars shoot from their spheres — 
the heavens were not shrouded in black, as poets 
would fain persuade us they have been on the unfor- 
tunate death of a hero — the rocks (hard-hearted var- 
lets !) melted not into tears, nor did the trees hang 
their heads in silent sorrow ; and as to the sun, he 
laid abed the next night, just as long, and showed as 
jolly a face when he arose, as he ever did on the 
same day of the month in any year, either before or 
since. The good people of New-Amsterdam, one and 
all, declared that he had been a very busy, active, 
busthng little governor ; that he was " the father of 
his country"— that he was " the noblest work of 
God" — that "he was a man, take him for all in all, 
they ne'er should look upon his like again" — together 
with sundry other civil and affectionate speeches, 
that are regularly said on the death of all great men; 
after which they smoked their pipes, thought no more 
about him, and Peter Stuyvesant succeeded to his 
station. 

Peter Stuyvesant was the lasl. and, like the re- 
nowned Wouter Van Twiller, he was also the best, 



10 PETER STUYVESANT. 

of our ancient Dutch governors : Wouter having 
surpassed all who preceded him, and Peter or Piet, 
as he was sociably called by the old Dutch burghers, 
who were ever prone to famiHarize names, having 
never been equalled by any successor. He was in 
fact the very man fitted by Nature to retrieve the 
desperate fortunes of her beloved province, had not 
the fates, those most potent and unrelenting of all 
ancient spinsters, destined them to inextricable con- 
fusion. 

To say merely that he was a hero would be doing 
him great injustice — he was in truth a combination 
of heroes — for he was of a sturdy, rawbone make, 
like Ajax Telamon, with a pair of round shoulders 
that Hercules would have given his hide for, (mean- 
ing his lion's hide,) when he undertook to ease old 
Atlas of his load. He was, moreover, as Plutarch 
describes Coriolanus, not only terrible for the force 
of his arm, but likewise of his voice, which sounded 
as though it came out of a barrel ; and like the self- 
same warrior, he possessed a sovereign contempt for 
the sovereign people, and an iron aspect, which was 
enough of itself to make the very bowels of his ad- 
versaries quake with terror and dismay. All tliis 
martial excellency of appearance was inexpressibly 
heightened by an accidental advantage, with which 
I am surprised that neither Homer nor Virgil have 
graced any of their heroes. This was nothing less 
than a wooden leg, which was the only prize he had 
gained, in bravely fighting the battles of his country, 
but of which he was so proud, that he was often 



HIS SILVER LEG. 1 1 

heard to declare he valued it more than all his other 
limbs put together ; indeed, so highly did he esteem 
it, that he had it gallantly enchased and relieved w^ith 
silver devices, which caused it to be related in divers 
histories and legends that he wore a silver leg.* 

Like that choleric warrior, Achilles, he was some- 
what subject to extempore bursts of passion, which 
were oft-times rather unpleasant to his favourites and 
attendants, whose perceptions he was apt to quicken, 
after the manner of his illustrious imitator, Peter the 
Great, by anointing their shoulders with his walking- 
staff. 

Though I cannot find that he had read Plato, or 
x4ristotle, or Hobbes, or Bacon, or Algernon Sydney, 
or Tom Paine, yet did he sometimes manifest a 
shrewdness and sagacity in his measures, that one 
would hardly expect from a man who did not know 
Greek, and had never studied the ancients. True it 
is, and I confess it with sorrow, that he had an un- 
reasonable aversion to experiments, and was fond of 
governing his province after the simplest manner — 
but then he contrived to keep it in better order than 
did the erudite Kieft, though he had all the philoso- 
phers ancient and modern to assist and perplex him. 
I must likewise own that he made but very few laws, 
but then again he took care that those few were 
rigidly and impartially enforced — and I do not know 
but justice on the whole was as well administered as 
if there had been volumes of sage acts and statutes 
yearly made, and daily neglected and forgotten. 

* See the histories of Masters Josselyn and Biome. 



12 HIS CHARACTER. 

He was, in fact, the very reverse of his predeces- 
sors, being neither tranquil and inert, like Walter the 
Doubter, nor restless and fidgeting, like William the 
Testy ; but a man, or rather a governor, of such un- 
common activity and decision of mind that he never 
sought or accepted the advice of others ; depending 
confidently upon his single head, as did the heroes of 
yore upon their single arms, to work his way through 
all difficulties and dangers. To tell the simple truth, 
he wanted no other requisite for a perfect statesman, 
than to think always right, for no one can deny that 
he always acted as he thought ; and if he wanted in 
correctness, he made up for it in perseverance — an 
excellent quality ! since it is surely more dignified 
for a ruler to be persevering and consistent in error, 
than wavering and contradictory, in endeavouring to 
do what is right. This much is certain, and it is a 
maxim worthy the attention of all legislators, both 
great and small, who stand shaking in the wind, with- 
out knowing which way to steer — a ruler who acts 
according to his own will is sure of pleasing himself, 
while he who seeks to satisfy the wishes and whims 
of others, runs a great risk of pleasing nobody. The 
clock that stands still, and points stedfastly in one 
direction, is certain of being right twice in the four- 
and-twenty hours — while others may keep going con- 
tinually, and continually be going wrong. 

Nor did this magnanimous virtue escape the dis- 
cernment of the good people of Nieuw-Nederlandts ; 
on the contrary, so high an opinion had they of the 
independent mind and vigorous intellect of their 



INAUGURATION INTO OFFICE. 1 3 

new governor, that they universally called him Hard- 
koppig Piet^> or Peter the Headstrong — a great com- 
pliment to his understanding! 

If from all that I have said thou dost not gather, 
worthy reader, that Peter Stuyvesant was a tough, 
sturdy, valiant, weather-beaten, mettlesome, obsti- 
nate, leathern-sided, lion-hearted, generous-spirited 
old governor, either I have written to but little pur- 
pose, or thou art very dull at drawing conclusions. 

This most excellent governor, whose character I 
have thus attempted feebly to delineate, commenced 
his administration on the 29th of May, 1647; a re- 
markably stormy day, distinguished in all the alma- 
nacs of the time which have come down to us, by 
the nam« of Windy Friday. As he was very jealous 
of his personal and official dignity, he was inaugu- 
rated into office with great ceremony; the goodly 
oaken chair of the renowned Wouter Van Twiller 
being carefully preserved for such occasions, in like 
manner as the chair and stone were reverentially 
preserved at Schone^ in Scotland, for the coronation 
of the Caledonian monarchs. 

I must not omit to mention, that the tempestuous 
state of the elements, together with its being that 
unlucky day of the week, termed "hanging day," 
did not fail to excite much grave speculation and 
divers very reasonable apprehensions among the more 
ancient and enlightened inhabitants ; and several of 
the sager sex, who were reputed to be not a little 
skilled in the mysteries of astrology and fortune- 
telling, did declare outright, that they were omens 

Vol. II. B 



14 DISASTROUS OMENS. 

of a disastrous administration — an event that came 
to be lamentably verified, and which proves, beyond 
dispute, the wisdom of attending to those preter- 
natural intimations, furnished by dreams and visions, 
the flying of birds, falling of stones, and cackling of 
geese, on which the sages and rulers of ancient times 
placed such reliance — or to those shootings of stars, 
eclipses of the moon, bowlings of dogs, and flarings 
of candles, carefully noted and interpreted by the 
oracular sybils of our day ; who, in my humble opin- 
ion, are the legitimate inheritors and preservers of 
the ancient science of divination. This much is cer- 
tain, that governor Stuyvesant succeeded to the chair 
of state at a turbulent period ; when foes thronged 
and threatened from without ; when anarchy and 
stijOf-necked opposition reigned rampant within ; when 
the authority of their High Mightinesses the Lords 
States General, though founded on the broad Dutch 
bottom of unoffending imbecility; though supported 
by economy, and defended by speeches, protests, and 
proclamations, yet tottered to its very centre ; and 
when the great city of New-Amsterdam, though forti- 
fied by flag-staffs, trumpeters, and windmills, seemed 
like some fair lady of easy virtue, to lie open to at- 
tack, and ready to yield to the first invader. 



( 15 ) 



CHAPTER II. 



Showing how Peter the Headstrong bestirred himself 
among the rats and cobwebs, on entering into office 
— and the perilous mistake he was guilty of, in his 
dealings with the^Amphyctions, 

The very first movements of the great Peter, on 
taking the reins of government, displayed the mag- 
nanimity of his mind, though they occasioned not a 
little marvel and uneasiness among the people of the 
Manhattoes. Finding himself constantly interrupted 
by the opposition, and annoyed by the advice, of 
his privy council, the members of which had ac- 
quired the unreasonable habit of thinking and speak- 
ing for themselves during the preceding reign, he 
determined at once to put a stop to such grievous 
abominations. Scarcely, therefore, had he entered 
upon his authority, than he turned out of office all 
those meddlesome spirits that composed the factious 
cabinet of William the Testy; in place of whom he 
chose unto himself counsellors from those fat, som- 
niferous, respectable families, that had flourished and 
slumbered under the easy reign of Walter the Doubter. 
All these he caused to be furnished with abundance 
of fair long pipes, and to be regaled with frequent 
corporation dinners, admonishing them to smoke, and 
eat, and sleep for the good of the nation, while he 
tocxk rjdl the burden of government \\^&n his own 



16 THE WINDMILL SYSTEM OVERTURNED. 

shoulders — an arrangement to which they gave 
hearty acquiescence. 

Nor did he stop here, but made a hideous rout 
among the inventions and expedients of his learned 
predecessor — demolishing his flagstaffs and windmills, 
which, like mighty giants, guarded the ramparts of 
New-Amsterdam — pitching to the duyvel whole bat- 
teries of quaker guns — rooting up his patent gallows, 
where caitiff vagabonds were suspended by the waist- 
band — and, in a word, turning topsy-turvy the whole 
philosophic, economic, and w^indmill system of the 
immortal sage of Saardam. 

The honest folks of New-Amsterdam began to 
quake now for the fate of their matchless champion, 
Antony the trumpeter, who had acquired prodigious 
favour in the eyes of the women, by means of his 
whiskers and his trumpet. Him did Peter the Head- 
strong cause to be brought into his presence, and 
eyeing him for a moment from head to foot, with a 
countenance that would have appalled any thing else 
than a sounder of brass — "^ Prythee, who and what 
art thou?" said he. — "-Sire," rephed the other, in 
no wise dismayed, — " for my name, it is Antony Van 
Corlear — for my parentage, I am the son of my 
mother — for my profession, I am champion and 
garrison of this great city of New-Amsterdam." — 
"I doubt me much," said Peter Stuyvesant, "that 
thou art some scurvy costardmonger knave — how 
didst thou acquire this paramount honour and dig- 
nity ?" — " Marry sir," replied the other, " like many 
a great man before me, simply hy^ sounding my own 



TAN CORLEAR MADE A 'SQUIRE. 17 

trumpet.'''' — " Ay, is it so ?" quoth the governor, 
" why then let us have a rehsh of thy art." Where- 
upon he put his instrument to his hps, and sounded 
a charge w^ith such a tremendous outset, such a de- 
lectable quaver, and such a triumphant cadence, that 
it was enough to make your heart leap out of your 
mouth only to be within a mile of it. Like as a war- 
worn charger, while sporting in peaceful plains, if 
by chance he hear the strains of martial music, pricks 
up his ears, and snorts and paws and kindles at the 
noise, so did the heroic soul of the mighty Peter joy to 
hear the clangour of the trumpet ; for of him might 
truly be said what was recorded of the renowned 
St. George of England, " there was nothing in all the 
world that more rejoiced his heart, than to hear the 
pleasant sound of war, and see the soldiers brandish 
forth their steeled weapons." Casting his eyes more 
kindly, therefore, upon the sturdy Van Corlear, and 
finding him to be a jolly, fat little man, shrewd in his 
discourse, yet of great discretion and immeasurable 
wind, he straightway conceived a vast kindness for 
him, and discharging him from the troublesome duty 
of garrisoning, defending, and alarming the city, ever 
after retained him about his person, as his chief fa- 
vourite, confidential envoy, and trusty 'squire. Instead 
of disturbing the city with disastrous notes, he was 
instructed to play so as to delight the governor while 
at his repasts, as did the minstrels of yore in the days 
of glorious chivalry — and on all public occasions toj 
rejoice the ears of the people with warlike melody — 
thereby keeping alive a noble and martial spirit. 
B2^ 



18 DEPUTATION FROM PROVIDENCE. 

Many other alterations and reformations, both for 
the better and for the worse, did the governor make, 
of which my time will not serve me to record the 
particulars ; suffice it to say, he soon contrived to 
make the province feel that he was its master, and 
treated the sovereign people with such tyrannical 
rigour, that they were all fain to hold their tongues, 
stay at home, and attend to their business ; insomuch 
that party feuds and distinctions were almost forgotten, 
and many thriving keepers of taverns and dram-shops 
were utterly ruined for want of business. 

Indeed, the critical state of public affairs at this 
time demanded the utmost vigilance and promptitude. 
The formidable council of the Amphyctions, which 
had caused so much tribulation to the unfortunate 
Kieft, still continued augmenting its forces, and 
threatened to link v/ithin its union all the mighty 
principalities and powers of the east. In the very 
year following the inauguration of Governor Stuy- 
vesant, a grand deputation departed from the city of 
Providence (famous for its dusty streets and beaute- 
ous women,) in behalf of the puissant plantation of 
Rhode Island, praying to be admitted into the league. 

The following mention is made of this application, 
in certain records of that assemblage of worthies, 
which are still extant.* 

" Mr. Will Cottington and captain Partridg of 
Rhoode-Iland presented this insewing request to the 
commissioners in wrighting — 

* Haz, Col. State Papers. 



THEIR REQUEST IN "WRIGHTING." 19 

" Our request and motion is in behalfe of Rhoode- 
Iland, that wee the Ilanders of Rhoode-Iland may be 
rescauied into combination with all the united colo- 
nyes of New-England in a firme and perpetuall league 
of friendship and amity of ofence and defence, mu- 
tuall advice and succor upon all just occasions for 
our mutuall safety and wellfaire, &:c. 

Will Cottington, 
Alicxsander Partridg." 

There is certainly something in the very physi- 
ognomy of this document, that might well inspire 
apprehension. The name of Alexander, however 
mispeH, has been warlike in every age ; and though 
its fierceness is in some measure softened by being 
coupled with the gentle cognomen of Partridge, still, 
like the colour of scarlet, it bears an exceeding great 
resemblance to the sound of a trumpet. From the 
style of the letter moreover, and the soldier-like ig- 
norance of orthography displayed by the noble cap- 
tain Alicxsander Partridg in spelhng his own name, 
we may picture to ourselves this mighty man of 
Rhodes, strong in arms, potent in the field, and as 
great a scholar as though he had been educated 
among that learned people of Thrace, who, Aristotle 
assures us, could not count beyond the number four. 

But, whatever might be the threatening aspect of 
this famous confederation, Peter Stuyvesant was not 
a man to be kept in a state of incertitude and vague 
apprehension ; he liked nothing so much as to meet 
danger face to face, and take it by the beard. De- 
termined, therefore, to put an end to all these petty 



20 ADJUSTMENT OF GRIEVANCES. 

maraudings on the borders, he wrote two or three 
categorical letters to the grand council ; which, though 
neither couched in bad Latin, nor yet graced by 
rhetorical tropes about wolves and lambs, and beetle- 
flies, yet had more effect than all the elaborate epistles, 
protests, and proclamations of his learned predecessor 
put together. In consequence of his urgent propo- 
sitions, the great confederacy of the east agreed to 
enter into a final adjustment of grievances and settle- 
ment of boundaries, to the end that a perpetual and 
happy peace might take place between the two 
powers. For this purpose. Governor Stuyvesant de- 
puted two ambassadors to negotiate with commis- 
sioners from the grand council of the league ; and a 
treaty was solemnly concluded at Hartford. On re- 
ceiving intelligence of this event, the whole commu- 
nity was in an uproar of exultation. The trumpet 
of the sturdy Van Corlear sounded all day with joy- 
ful clangour from the ramparts of Fort Amsterdam, 
and at night the city was magnificently illuminated 
with two hundred and fifty tallow candles ; besides 
a barrel of tar, which was burnt before the governor's 
house, on the cheering aspect of public affairs. 

And now my worthy reader is, doubtless, like the 
great and good Peter, congratulating himself with the 
idea, that his feehngs will no longer be molested by 
afflicting details of stolen horses, broken heads, im- 
pounded hogs, and all the other catalogue of heart- 
rending cruelties that disgraced these border wars. 
But if he should indulge in such expectations, it is a 



PETER STUYVESANT'S ERROR. 21 

proof that he is but little versed in the paradoxical 
ways of cabinets ; to convince him of which, I solicit 
his serious attention to my next chapter, wherein I 
will show that Peter Stuyvesant has already com- 
mitted a great error in poHtics ; and by effecting a 
peace, has materially hazarded the tranquillity of the 
province. 



( 22 ) 



CHAPTER III. 

Containing divers speculations on war and negotia- 
tions — showing that a treaty of peace is a great 
national evil. 

It was the opinion of that poetical philosopher, 
Lucretius, that war was the original state of man, 
whom he described as being primitively a savage 
beast of prey, engaged in a constant state of hostility 
with his own species ; and that this ferocious spirit 
was tamed and meliorated by society. The same 
opinion has been advocated by Hobbes ;* nor have 
there been wanting many other philosophers, to ad- 
mit and defend it. 

For my part, though prodigiously fond of these 
valuable speculations, so complimentary to human 
nature, yet, in this instance, I am inclined to take the 
proposition by halves, believing, with Horace,! that 
though war may have been originally the favourite 
amusement and industrious employment of our pro- 
genitors, yet, like many other excellent habits, so far 
from being meliorated, it has been cultivated and con- 

* Hobbes' Leviathan. Part i. chap. 13. 
f Quum prorepserunt primis animalia terris, 
Mutuum ac turpe pecus, glandem atque cubilia propter, 
Unguibus et pugnis, dein fustibus, atque ita porro 
Pugnabant armis, quae post fabricaverat usus. 

Hor. Sat. 1. i. s. 3. 



MAN'S MURDEROUS INVENTIONS. 23 

firmed by refinement and civilization, and increases 
in exact proportion as we approach towards that 
state of perfection which is the ne plus ultra of 
modern philosophy. 

The first conflict between man and man was the 
mere exertion of physical force, unaided by auxiliary 
weapons — his arm was his buckler, his fist was his 
mace, and a broken head the catastrophe of his en- 
counters. The battle of unassisted strength was suc- 
ceeded by the more rugged one of stones and clubs, 
and war assumed a sanguinary aspect. As man ad- 
vanced in refinement, as his faculties expanded, and 
his sensibilities became more exquisite, he grew 
rapidly more ingenious and experienced in the art 
of murdering his fellow-beings. He invented a thou- 
sand devices to defend and to assault — the helmet, 
the cuirass, and the buckler, the sword, the dart, and 
the javelin, prepared him to elude the wound, as well 
as to lanch the blow. Still urging on, in the brilliant 
and philanthropic career of invention, he enlarges 
and heightens his powers of defence and injury — the 
Aries, the Scorpio, the Bahsta, and the Catapulta, 
give a horror and subhmity to war, and magnify its 
glory by increasing its desolation. Still insatiable, 
though armed with machinery that seemed to reach 
the hmits of destructive invention, and to yield a 
power of injury commensurate even with the desires 
of revenge — still deeper researches must be made in 
the diabolical arcana. With furious zeal, he dives 
into the bowels of the earth ; he toils midst poison- 
ous minerals and deadly salts — the sublime discovery 



24 IMPROVEMENTS IN WAR AND PEACE. 

of gunpowder blazes upon the world — and finally, 
the dreadful art of fighting by proclannation, seems 
to endow the demon of war with ubiquity and om- 
nipotence ! 

This, indeed, is grand ! — this, indeed, marks the 
powers of mind, and bespeaks that divine endow- 
ment of reason, which distinguishes us from the ani- 
mals, our inferiors. The unenlightened brutes con- 
tent themselves with the native force which Provi- 
dence has assigned them. — The angry bull butts with 
his horns, as did his progenitors before him — the 
lion, the leopard, and the tiger, seek only with their 
talons and their fangs to gratify their sanguinary fury; 
and even the subtle serpent darts the same venom, and 
uses the same wiles, as did his sire before the flood. 
Man alone, blessed with the inventive mind, goes on 
from discovery to discovery — enlarges and multiplies 
his powers of destruction ; arrogates the tremendous 
weapons of Deity itself, and tasks creation to assist 
him in murdcrini>; his brother worm ! 

In proportion as the art of war has increased in 
improvement, has the art of preserving peace ad- 
vanced in equal ratio ; and, as we have discovered, 
in this age of wonders and inventions, that a procla- 
mation is the most formidable engine in war, so have 
we discovered tlie no less ingenious mode of main- 
ing peace by perpetual negotiations. 

A treaty, or to speak more correctly, a negotiation, 
therefore, according to the acceptation of experienced 
statesmen, learned in these matters, is no longer an 
attempt to accommodate differences, to ascertain 



NO TERMS ARE THE BEST TERMS. 25 

rights, and to establish an equitable exchange of kind 
offices ; but a contest of skill between two powers, 
which shall overreach and take in the other. It is 
a cunning endeavour to obtain, by peaceable ma- 
noeuvre, and the chicanery of cabinets, those advan- 
tages which a nation would otherwise have wrested 
by force of arms : in the same manner that a con- 
scientious highwayman reforms, and becomes an ex- 
cellent and praiseworthy citizen, contenting himself 
with cheating his neighbour out of that property he 
would formerly have seized with open violence. 

In fact, the only time when two nations can be 
said to be in a state of perfect amity, is, when a ne- 
gotiation is open, and a treaty pending. Then, as 
there are no stipulations entered into, no bonds to 
restrain the will, no specific limits to awaken the 
captious jealousy of right implanted in our nature, as 
each party has some advantage to hope and expect 
from the other, then it is that the two nations are so 
gracious and friendly to each other ; their ministers 
professing the highest mutual regard, exchanging 
billetsdoux, making fine speeches, and indulging in 
all those diplomatic flirtations, coquetries, and fond- 
lings, that do so marvellously tickle the good-humour 
of the respective nations. Thus it may paradoxically 
be said, that there is never so good an understanding 
between two nations, as when there is a little misun- 
derstanding — and that so long as there are no terms, 
they are on the best terms in the world ! 

I do not by any means pretend to claim the merit 
of having made the above political discovery. It has 

Vol. II. C 



26 HOW TO PROLONG NEGOTIATIONS. 

in fact long been secretly acted upon by certain en- 
lightened cabinets, and is, together with divers other 
notable theories, privately copied out of the common- 
place book of an illustrious gentleman, who has been 
member of Congress, and enjoyed the unlimited con- 
fidence of heads of departments. To this principle 
may be ascribed the wonderful ingenuity that has 
been shown of late years in protracting and inter- 
rupting negotiations. Hence the cunning measure 
of appointing as ambassador some political pettifogger 
skilled in delays, sophisms, and misapprehensions, and 
dexterous in the art of baffling argument — or some 
blundering statesman, whose errors and misconstruc- 
tions may be a plea for refusing to ratify his engage- 
ments. And hence too that most notable expedient, 
so popular with our government, of sending out a 
brace of ambassadors ; who having each an individual 
will to consult, character to establish, and interest to 
promote, you may as well look for unanimity and 
concord between two lovers with one mistress, two 
dogs with one bone, or two naked rogues with one 
pair of breeches. This disagreement, therefore, is 
continually breeding delays and impediments, in con- 
sequence of which the negotiation goes on swim 
mingly — insomuch as there is no prospect of its ever 
coming to a close. Nothing is lost by these delays 
and obstacles but time, and in a negotiation, accord- 
ing to the theory I have exposed, all time lost is in 
reality so much time gained — with what delightful 
paradoxes does modern political economy abound ! 
Now all that I have here advanced is so note- 



PEACE A CERTAIN SOURCE OF WAR. 27 

riously true, that I almost blush to take up the time 
of my readers with treating of matters which must 
many a time have stared them in the face. But the 
proposition to which I would most earnestly call 
their attention, is this — that though a negotiation be 
the most harmonizing of all national transactions, yet 
a treaty of peace is a great political evil, and one of 
the most fruitful sources of war. 

I have rarely seen an instance of any special con- 
tract between individuals, that did not produce jeal- 
ousies, bickerings, and often downright ruptures 
between them ; nor did I ever know of a treaty be- 
tween two nations, that did not occasion continual 
misunderstandings. How many worthy country 
neighbours have I known, who, after living in peace 
and good-fellowship for years, have been thrown into 
a state of distrust, caviUing, and animosity, by some 
ill-starred agreement about fences, runs of water, 
and stray cattle. And how many well-meaning na- 
tions, who would otherwise have remained in the 
most amicable disposition towards each other, have 
been brought to swords' points about the infringe- 
ment or misconstruction of some treaty, which in an 
evil hour they had concluded by way of making their 
amity more sure ! 

Treaties, at best, are but compHed with so long as 
interest requires their fulfilment ; consequently, they 
are virtually binding on the weaker party only, or, 
in plain truth, they are not binding at all. No na- 
tion will wantonly go to war with another, if it has 
nothing to gain thereby, and therefore needs no treaty 



28 NEGOTIATION LIKE COURTSHIP. 

to restrain it from violence ; and if it have any thing 
to gain, I much question, from what I have witnessed 
of the righteous conduct of nations, whether any 
treaty could be made so strong that it could not 
thrust the sword through — nay, I would hold ten to 
one, the treaty itself would be the very source to 
which resort would be had, to find a pretext for hos- 
tilities. 

Thus therefore I conclude — that though it is the 
best of all policies for a nation to keep up a constant 
negotiation with its neighbours, yet it is the summit 
of folly for it ever to be beguiled into a treaty ; for 
then comes on the non-fulfilment and infraction, then 
remonstrance, then altercation, then retaliation, then 
recrimination, and finally open war. hi a word, ne- 
gotiation is like courtship, a time of sweet words, 
gallant speeches, soft looks, and endearing caresses ; 
but the marriage ceremony is the signal for hostilities. 



( 29 ) 



CHAPTER IV. 

How Peter Stuyvesant was greatly belied by his ad- 
versaries the Mosstroopers — and his conduct there- 
upon. 

If my pains-taking reader be not somewhat per- 
plexed, in the course of the ratiocination of my last 
chapter, he will doubtless at one glance perceive, that 
the great Peter, in concluding a treaty with his east- 
ern neighbours, was guilty of a lamentable error and 
heterodoxy in politics. To this unlucky agreement 
may justly be ascribed a world of little infringements, 
altercations, negotiations, and bickerings, which after- 
wards took place between the irreproachable Stuy- 
vesant, and the evil-disposed council of Amphyctions. 
All these did not a little disturb the constitutional 
serenity of the good burghers of Manna-hata; but in 
sooth they were so very pitiful in their nature and 
effects, that a grave historian, who grudges the time 
spent in any thing less than recording the fall of em- 
pires, and the revolution of worlds, would think them 
unworthy to be inscribed on his sacred page. 

The reader is therefore to take it for granted, 
though I scorn to waste in the detail that time which 
my furrowed brow and trembling hand inform me is 
invaluable, that all the while the great Peter was oc- 
cupied in those tremendous and bloody contests that 
C2 



30 EXULTATION OF THE GOVERNOR. 

I shall shortly rehearse, there was a continued series 
of httle, dirty, snivelling skirmishes, scourings, broils, 
and maraudings, made on the eastern frontiers, by the 
mosstroopers of Connecticut. But, like that mirror 
of chivalry, the sage and valorous Don Quixote, I 
leave these petty contests for some future Sancho 
Panza of a historian, while I reserve my prowess 
and my pen for achievements of higher dignity. 

Now did the great Peter conclude, that his labours 
had come to a close in the east, and that he had no- 
thing to do but apply himself to the internal pros- 
perity of his beloved Manhattoes. Though a man of 
great modesty, he could not help boasting that he 
had at length shut the temple of Janus, and that, 
were all rulers like a certain person who should be 
nameless, it would never be opened again. But the 
exultation of the worthy governor was put to a speedy 
check; for scarce was the treaty concluded, and 
hardly was the ink dried on the paper, before the 
crafty and discourteous council of the league sought 
a new pretence for re-illuming the flames of discord. 

It seems to be the nature of confederacies, repub- 
lics, and such like powers, that want the true mascu- 
line character, to indulge exceedingly in certain fem- 
inine panics and suspicions. Like some good lady 
of delicate and sickly virtue, who is in constant dread 
of having her vestal purity contaminated or seduced, 
and who, if a man do but take her by the hand, or 
look her in the face, is ready to cry out, rape ! and 
ruin ! — so these squeamish governments are perpet- 
ually on the alarm for the virtue of the country; 



REPUBLICAN SQUEAMISHNESS. 31 

every manly measure is a violation of the constitution 
— every monarchy or other masculine government 
around them is laying snares for their seduction ; and 
they are for ever detecting infernal plots, by which 
they were to be betrayed, dishonoured, and " brought 
upon the town." 

If any proof were wanting of the truth of these 
opinions, I would instance the conduct of a certain 
republic of our day; who, good dame, has already 
withstood so many plots and conspiracies against her 
virtue, and has so often come near being made " no 
better than she should be." I would notice her 
constant jealousies of poor old England, who, by her 
own account, has been incessantly trying to sap her 
honour ; though, from my soul, I never could believe 
the honest old gentleman meant her any rudeness. 
Whereas, on the contrary, I think I have several 
times caught her squeezing hands and indulging in 
certain amorous oglings with that sad fellow Buona- 
parte — who all the world knows to be a great des- 
poiler of national virtue, to have ruined all the em- 
pires in his neighbourhood, and to have debauched 
every repubhc that came in his way — but so it is, 
these rakes seem always to gain singular favour with 
the ladies. 

But I crave pardon of my reader for thus wan- 
dering, and will endeavour in some measure to apply 
the foregoing remarks; for in the year 1651, we 
are told, the great confederacy of the east accused 
the immaculate Peter — the soul of honour and heart 
of steel — that by divers gifts and promises he had 



32 FOUL CHARGES AGAINST PETER. 

been secretly endeavouring to instigate the Narro- 
higansett, (or Narraganset) Mohaque, and Pequot In- 
dians, to surprise and massacre the Yankee settle- 
ments. " For," as the council slanderously observed, 
'' the Indians round about for divers hundred miles 
cercute, seemeto have drunke deep of an intoxicating 
cupp, att or from the Manhatoes against the English, 
whoe have sought their good, both in bodily and 
spirituall respects." 

History does not make mention hov^r the great 
council of the Amphyctions came by this precious 
plot ; whether it vs^as honestly bought at a fair mar- 
ket price, or discovered by sheer good fortune — it is 
certain, however, that they examined divers Indians, 
who all swore to the fact as sturdily as though they 
had been so many Christian troopers : and to be 
more sure of their veracity, the sage council pre- 
viously made every mother's son of them devoutly 
drunk, remembering an old and trite proverb, which 
it is not necessary for me to repeat. 

Though descended from a family which suffered 
much injury from the losel Yankees of those times — 
my great-grandfather having had a yoke of oxen and 
hi^ best pacer stolen, and having received a pair of 
black eyes and a bloody nose in one of these border 
wars ; and my grandfather, when a very little boy 
tending pigs, having been kidnapped and severely 
flogged by a long-sided Connecticut schoolmaster — 
yet I should have passed over all these wrongs with 
forgiveness and oblivion — I could even have suffered 
them to have broken Evert Ducking's head, to have 



THEIR FALSEHOOD ASSERTED. 33 

kicked the doughty Jacobus Van Curlet and his rag- 
ged regiment out of doors, carried every hog into 
captivity, and depopulated every hen-roost on the 
face of the earth, with perfect impunity — But this 
wanton attack upon one of the most gallant and 
irreproachable heroes of modern times is too much 
even for me to digest, and has overset, with a single 
pufF, the patience of the historian, and the forbear- 
ance of the Dutchman. 

Oh reader, it was false !— I swear to thee, it was 
false ! if thou hast any respect to my word — if the 
undeviating character for veracity, which I have en- 
deavoured to maintain throughout this work, has its 
due weight with thee, thou wilt not give thy faith to 
this tale of slander ; for I pledge my honour and my 
immortal fame to thee, that the gallant Peter Stuy- 
vesant was not only innocent of this foul conspiracy, 
but would have suffered his right arm, or even his 
wooden leg, to consume with slow and everlasting 
flames, rather than attempt to destroy his enemies in 
any other way than open generous warfare — beshrew 
those caitiff scouts, that conspired to sully his honest 
name by such an imputation ! 

Peter Stuyvesant, though he perhaps had never 
heard of a knight-errant, yet had he as true a heart 
of chivalry as ever beat at the round table of King 
Arthur. There was a spirit of native gallantry, a 
noble and generous hardihood diffused through his 
rugged manners, which altogether gave unquestion- 
able tokens of a heroic mind. He was, in truth, a 
hero of chivalry, struck off by the hand of Nature 



34 HONOUR OF PETER VINDICATED. 

at a single heat, and though she had taken no farther 
care to pohsh and refine her workmanship, he stood 
forth a miracle of her skill. 

But, not to be figurative, (a fault in historic writing 
which I particularly eschew,) the great Peter pos- 
sessed in an eminent degree, the seven renowned and 
noble virtues of knighthood, which, as he had never 
consulted authors in the disciplining and cultivating 
of his mind, I verily believe must have been implant- 
ed in the corner of his heart by dame Nature herself 
— where they flourished among his hardy qualities 
like so many sweet wild flowers, shooting forth and 
thriving with redundant luxuriance among stubborn 
rocks. Such was the mind of Peter the Headstrong, 
and if my admiration for it has, on this occasion, 
transported my style beyond the sober gravity which 
becomes the laborious scribe of historic events, I can 
plead as an apology, that though a little gray-headed 
Dutchman arrived almost at the bottom of the down- 
hill of life, I still retain some portion of that celestial 
fire which sparkles in the eye of youth, when con- 
templating the virtues and achievements of ancient 
worthies. Blessed, thrice and nine times blessed be 
the good St. Nicholas — that I have escaped the in- 
fluence of that chilling apathy, which too often 
freezes the sympathies of age ; which, like a churHsh 
spirit, sits at the portals of the heart, repulsing every 
genial sentiment, and paralyzing every spontaneous 
glow of enthusiasm! 

No sooner then did this scoundrel imputation on 
his honour reach the ear of Peter Stuyvesant, than 



HIS HEROIC CHALLENGE. 35 

he proceeded in a manner which would have re- 
dounded to his credit, even though he had studied for 
years in the Hbrary of Don Quixote himself. He 
immediately despatched his valiant trumpeter and 
squire, Antony Van Corlear, with orders to ride night 
and day, as herald, to the Amphyctionic council, re- 
proaching them, in terms of noble indignation, for 
giving ear to the slanders of heathen infidels, against 
the character of a Christian, a gentleman, and a sol- 
dier — and declaring, that as to the treacherous and 
bloody plot alleged against him, whoever affirmed it 
to be true, lied in his teeth ! — to prove which, he de- 
fied the president of the council and all his compeers, 
or, if they pleased, their puissant champion, captain 
Alicxsander Partridg, that mighty man of Rhodes, to 
meet him in single combat, where he would trust the 
vindication of his innocence to the prowess of his arm. 
This challenge being delivered with due ceremony, 
Antony Van Corlear sounded a trumpet of defiance 
before the whole council, ending with a most horrific 
and nasal twang, full in the face of Captain Partridg, 
who almost jumped out of his skin in an ecstasy of 
astonishment at the noise. This done, he mounted 
a tall Flanders mare, which he always rode, and 
trotted merrily towards the Manhattoes — passing 
through Hartford, and Piquag, and Middletown, and 
all the other border towns — twanging his trumpet 
like a very devil, so that the sweet valleys and banks 
of the Connecticut resounded with the warlike melod}', 
— and stopping occasionally to eat pumpkin pies, 
dance at country frolics, and bundle with the beau- 



36 ANSWER OF THE COUNCIL. 

teous lasses of those parts — whom he rejoiced ex- 
ceedingly with his soul-stirring instrument. 

But the grand council, being composed of consid- 
erate men, had no idea of running a tilting with such 
a fiery hero as the hardy Peter — on the contrary, 
they sent him an answer couched in the meekest, the 
most mild, and provoking terms, in which they as- 
sured him that his guilt was proved to their perfect 
satisfaction, by the testimony of divers sober and 
respectable Indians, and concluding with this truly 
amiable paragraph — " For youre confidant denialls 
of the Barbarous plott charged will waigh little in 
balance against such evidence, soe that we must still 
require and seeke due satisfaction and cecurite, so 
we rest, Sir, 

Youres in wayes of Righteousness, (Src." 

I am aware that the above transaction has been 
differently recorded by certain historians of the east, 
and elsewhere ; v^^ho seem to have inherited the bit- 
ter enmity of their ancestors to the brave Peter — 
and much good may their inheritance do them. 
These declare, that Peter Stuyvesant requested to 
have the charges against him inquired into, by com- 
missioners to be appointed for the purpose; and yet, 
that when such commissioners were appointed, he 
refused to submit to their examination. In this art- 
ful account, there is but the semblance of truth — he 
did, indeed, most gallantly offer, when that he found 
a deaf ear was turned to his challenge, to submit his 
conduct to the rigorous inspection of a court of hon- 
our — but then he expected to find it an august tribu- 



CONDUCT OF THE COMMISSIONERS. 37 

nal, composed of courteous gentlemen, the governors 
and nobility of the confederate plantations, and of the 
province of New-Netherlands ; where he might be 
tried by his peers, in a manner worthy of his rank and 
dignity — whereas, let me perish, if they did not send 
to the Manhattoes two lean-sided hungry pettifoggers, 
mounted on Narraganset pacers, with saddle-bags 
under their bottoms, and green satchels under their 
arms, as though they were about to beat the hoof 
from one county court to another in search of a law- 
suit. 

The chivalric Peter, as might be expected, took no 
notice of these cunning varlets ; who, with profes- 
sional industry, fell to prying and sifting about, in 
quest of ex parte evidence ; perplexing divers simple 
Indians and old women, with their cross-questioning, 
until they contradicted and forswore themselves 
most horribly. Thus having fulfilled their errand to 
their own satisfaction, they returned to the grand 
council with their satchels and saddle-bags stuffed 
full of villanous rumours, apocryphal stories, and out- 
rageous calumnies, — for all which the great Peter 
did not care a tobacco-stopper ; but, I warrant me, 
had they attempted to play off the same trick upon 
William the Testy, he would have treated them both 
to an aerial gambol on his patent gallows. 

The grand council of the east held a very solemn 
meeting, on the return of their envoys ; and after 
they had pondered a long time on the situation of af- 
fairs, were upon the point of adjourning without be- 
ing able to agree upon any thing. At this critical 

Vol. II. D 



38 CRUSADE DENOUNCED AGAINST 

moment, one of those meddlesome, indefatigable 
spirits, who endeavour to establish a character for 
patriotism by blowing the bellows of party, until the 
whole furnace of politics is red-hot with sparks and 
cinders — and who have just cunning enough to know 
that there is no time so favourable for getting on the 
people's backs as when they are in a state of turmoil, 
and attending to every body's business but their own 
— this aspiring imp of faction, who was called a great 
politician, because he had secured a seat in council 
by calumniating all his opponents — he, 1 say, con- 
ceived this a fit opportunity to strike a blow that 
should secure his popularity among his constituents 
who lived on the borders of Nieuw-Nederlandt, and 
were the greatest poachers in Christendom, except- 
ing the Scotch border nobles. Like a second Peter 
the Hermit, therefore, he stood forth and preached 
up a crusade against Peter Stuyvesant, and his de- 
voted city. 

He made a speech which lasted six hours, accord- 
ing to the ancient custom in these parts, in which he 
represented the Dutch as a race of impious heretics, 
who neither believed in witchcraft, nor the sovereign 
virtues of horse-shoes — who left their country for 
the lucre of gain, not like themselves, for the enjoy- 
ment of liberty of conscience — who, in short, were a 
race of mere cannibals and anthropophagi, inasmuch 
as they never eat cod-fish on Saturday, devoured 
swine's flesh without molasses, and held pumpkins 
in utter contempt. 



THE DUTCH ANTI-PUMPKINITES. 39 

This speech had the desired effect, for the coun- 
cil, being awakened by the sergeant-at-arms, rubbed 
their eyes, and declared that it was just and politic 
to declare instant war against these unchristian anti- 
pumpkinites. But it was necessary that the people 
at large should first be prepared for this measure ; 
and for this purpose the arguments of the orator 
were preached from the pulpit for several Sundays 
subsequent, and earnestly recommended to the con- 
sideration of every good Christian, who professed, as 
well as practised the doctrines of meekness, charity, 
and the forgiveness of injuries. This is the first time 
we hear of the " drum ecclesiastic" beating up for 
pohtical recruits in our country ; and it proved of 
such signal efficacy, that it has since been called into 
frequent service throughout our Union. A cunning 
pohtician is often found skulking under the clerical 
robe, with an outside all rehgion, and an inside all 
political rancour. Things spiritual and things tem- 
poral are strangely jumbled together, hke poisons 
and antidotes on an apothecary's shelf; and instead 
of a devout sermon, the simple church-going folk 
have often a political pamphlet thrust down their 
throats, labelled with a pious text from Scripture. 



( 40 ) 



CHAPTER V. 

How the New-Amsterdammers became great in arms, 
and of the direful catastrophe of a mighty army — 
together with Peter Stuyvesanfs measures to fortify 
the city — and how he was the original founder of 
the Battery. 

But, notwithstanding that the grand council, as I 
have already shown, were amazingly discreet in their 
proceedings respecting the New-Netherlands, and 
conducted the whole with almost as much silence 
and mystery as does the sage British cabinet one of 
its ill-starred secret expeditions — yet did the ever- 
watchful Peter receive as full and accurate informa- 
tion of every movement as does the court of France 
of all the notable enterprises I have mentioned. He 
accordingly sat himself to work, to render the machi- 
nations of his bitter adversaries abortive. 

I know that many will censure the precipitation 
of this stout-hearted old governor, in that he hurried 
into the expenses of fortification, without ascertain- 
ing whether they were necessary, by prudently wait- 
mg until the enemy was at the door. But they should 
recollect that Peter Stuyvesant had not the benefit 
of an insight into the modern arcana of politics, and 
was strangely bigoted to certain obsolete maxims of 
the old school ; among which he firmly believed, that 
to render a country respected abroad, it was neces- 



VALOROUS TRAIN-BANDS. 4t 

sary to make it formidable at home — and that a na- 
tion should place its reliance for peace and security 
more upon its own strength, than on the justice or 
good-will of its neighbours. He proceeded, there- 
fore, with all diligence, to put the province and me- 
tropolis in a strong posture of defence. 

Among the few remnants of ingenious inventions 
which remained from the days of William the Testy, 
were those impregnable bulwarks of public safety, 
militia laws ; by which the inhabitants were obliged 
to turn out twice a year, with such military equip- 
ments — as it pleased God ; and were put under the 
command of very valiant tailors, and man-milliners, 
who though on ordinary occasions the meekest, pip- 
pin-hearted little men in the world, were very devils 
at parades and courts-martial, when they had cocked 
hats on their heads, and swords by their sides. Un- 
der the instructions of these periodical warriors, the 
gallant train-bands made marvellous proficiency in 
the mystery of gunpowder. They were taught to 
face to the right, to wheel to the left, to snap off 
empty fire-locks without winking, to turn a corner 
without any great uproar or irregularity, and to 
march through sun and rain from one end of the 
town to the other without flinching — until in the end 
they became so valorous, that they fired off blank 
cartridges, without so much as turning away their 
heads — could hear the largest field-piece discharged, 
without stopping their ears, or falling into much con- 
fusion — and would even go through all the fatigues 
D2 



42 A SMALL MISTAKE RECTIFIED. 

and perils of a summer day's parade, without having 
their ranks much thinned by desertion ! 

True it is, the genius of this truly pacific people 
was so little given to war, that during the intervals 
which occurred between field days, they generally 
contrived to forget all the military tuition they had 
received ; so that when they reappeared on parade, 
they scarcely knew the butt-end of the musket from 
the muzzle, and invariably mistook the right shoulder 
for the left— a mistake which, however, was soon 
obviated by chalking their left arms. But whatever 
might be their blunders and awkwardness, the saga- 
cious Kieft declared them to be of but little impor- 
tance — since, as he judiciously observed, one cam- 
paign would be of more instruction to them than a 
hundred parades ; for though two-thirds of them 
might be food for powder, yet such of the other 
third as did not run away would become most expe- 
rienced veterans. 

The great Stuyvesant had no particular veneration 
for the ingenious experiments and institutions of his 
shrewd predecessor, and among other things held the 
militia system in very considerable contempt, which 
he was often heard to call in joke — for he was some- 
times fond of a joke — governor Kieft 's broken reed. 
As, however, the present emergency was pressing, he 
was obliged to avail himself of such means of defence 
as were next at hand, and accordingly appointed a 
general inspection and parade of the train-bands. 
But oh ! Mars and Bellona, and all ye other powers 
of war, both great and small, what a turning out was 



PETER'S RAGGED REGIMENT. 43 

here ! — Here came men without officers, and officers 
without men — long fowling-pieces, and short blun- 
derbusses — muskets of all sorts and sizes, some with- 
out bayonets, others without locks, others without 
stocks, and many without either lock, stock, or barrel 
— cartridge-boxes, shot-belts, powder-horns, swords, 
hatchets, snicker-snees, crow-bars, and broomsticks, 
all mingled higgledy piggledy — like one of our con- 
tinental armies at the breaking out of the revolution. 

This sudden transformation of a pacific community 
into a band of warriors, is doubtless what is meant, 
in modern days, by " putting a nation in armour,*" 
and " fixing it in an attitude" — in which armour and 
attitude it makes as martial a figure, and as hkely to 
acquit itself with as much prowess, as the renowned 
Sancho Panza, when suddenly equipped to defend 
his island of Barataria. 

The sturdy Peter eyed this ragged regiment with 
some such rueful aspect as a man would eye the 
devil ; but knowing, like a wise man, that all he had 
to do was to make the best out of a bad bargain, he 
determined to give his heroes a seasoning. Having, 
therefore, drilled them through the manual exercise 
over and over again, he ordered the fifes to strike up 
a quick march, and trudged his sturdy troops back- 
wards and forwards about the streets of New-Am- 
sterdam, and the fields adjacent, until their short 
legs ached, and their fat sides sweated again. But 
this was not all ; the martial spirit of the old gov- 
ernor caught fire from the sprightly music of the fife, 



44 AWFUL DISSOLUTION OF THE REGIMENT. 

and he resolved to try the mettle of his troops, and 
give them a taste of the hardships of iron war. To 
this end he encamped them, as the shades of evening 
fell, upon a hill formerly called Bunker's Hill, at 
some distance from the town, with a full intention 
of initiating them into the discipline of camps, and 
of renewing, the next day, the toils and perils of the 
field. But so it came to pass, that in the night there 
fell a great and heavy rain, which descended in tor- 
rents upon the camp, and the mighty army strangely 
melted away before it; so that when Gaffer Phoebus 
came to shed his morning beams upon the place, 
saving Peter Stuyvesant and his trumpeter. Van 
Corlear, scarce one was to be found of all the mul- 
titude that had encamped there the night before. 

This awful dissolution of his army would have ap- 
palled a commander of less nerve than Peter Stuy- 
vesant ; but he considered it as a matter of but small 
importance, though he thenceforward regarded the 
militia system with ten times greater contempt than 
ever, and took care to provide himself with a good 
garrison of chosen men, whom he kept in pay, of 
whom he boasted that they at least possessed the 
quality, indispensable in soldiers, of being water- 
proof. 

The next care of the vigilant Stuyvesant was to 
strengthen and fortify New-Amsterdam. For this 
purpose, he caused to be built a strong picket fence, 
that reached across the island, from river to river, 
being intended to protect the city not merely from 



A PRODIGIOUS STRONG WALL BUILT. 45 

the sudden invasions of foreign enemies, but like- 
wise from the incursions of the neighbouring savages.* 

Some traditions, it is true, have ascribed the build- 
ing of this wall to a later period, but they are wholly 
incorrect; for a memorandum in the Stuyvesant 
manuscript, dated towards the middle of the gov- 
ernor's reign, mentions this wall particularly, as a 
very strong and curious piece of workmanship, and 
the admiration of all the savages in the neighbour- 
hood. And it mentions, moreover, the alarming cir- 
cumstance of a drove of stray cows breaking through 
the grand wall of a dark night ; by which the whole 
community of New-Amsterdam was thrown into a 
terrible panic. 

In addition to this great wall, he cast up several 
outworks to Fort Amsterdam, to protect the sea- 
board, at the point of the island. These consisted of 
formidable mud batteries, sohdly faced, after the 
manner of the Dutch ovens, common in those days, 
with clam-shells. 

These frowning bulwarks, in process of time, came 
to be pleasantly overrun by a verdant carpet of grass 

* In an antique view of New-Amsterdam, taken some years 
after the above period, is a representation of this wall, which 
stretched along the course of Wall-street, so called in com- 
memoration of this great bulwark. One gate, called the Land- 
Poort, opened upon Broadway, hard by where at present stands 
the Trinity Church ; and another, called the Water-Poort, 
stood about where the Tontine CofFee-House is at present — 
opening upon Smits Vleye, or as it is commonly called, Smith 
Fly, then a marshy valley, with a creek or inlet extending up 
what we call Maiden-lane. 



46 ORIGIN OF THE BATTERY. 

and clover, and their high embankments overshadow- 
ed by wide-spreading sycamores, among whose foliage 
the little birds sported about, rejoicing the ear with 
their melodious notes. The old burghers would re- 
pair of an afternoon to smoke their pipes under the 
shade of their branches, contemplating the golden 
sun as he gradually sunk into the west, an emblem 
of that tranquil end toward which themselves were 
hastening — while the young men and the damsels of 
the town would take many a moonlight stroll among 
these favourite<'haunts, watching the silver beams of 
chaste Cynthia tremble along the calm bosom of the 
bay, or light up the white sail of some gliding bark, 
and interchanging the honest vows of constant affec- 
tion. Such was the origin of that renowned walk. 
The Battery, which, though ostensibly devoted to 
the purpose of war, has ever been consecrated to the 
sweet delights of peace. The favourite walk of de- 
cHning age — the healthful resort of the feeble invalid 
— the Sunday refreshment of the dusty tradesman — 
the scene of many a boyish gambol — the rendezvous 
of many a tender assignation — the comfort of the 
citizen — the ornament of New- York, and the pride 
of the lovely island of Manna-hata. 



( 47 ) 



CHAPTER VI. 

How the people of the east country were suddenly af- 
jiicted with a diabolical evil — and their judicious 
measures for the extirpation thereof 

Having thus provided for the temporary security 
of New-Amsterdam, and guarded it against any sud- 
den surprise, the gallant Peter took a hearty pinch of 
snufF, and, snapping his fingers, set the great council 
of Amphyctions, and their champion, the doughty 
Alicxsander Partridg, at defiance. It is impossible 
to say, notwithstanding, what might have been the 
issue of this affair, had not the council been all at 
once involved in sad perplexity, and as much dissen- 
sion sown among its members, as of yore was stirred 
up in the camp of the brawling warriors of Greece. 

The council of the league, as I have shown in my 
last chapter, had already announced its hostile deter- 
minations, and already was the mighty colony of 
New-Haven, and the puissant town of Piquag, other- 
wise called Weathersfield — famous for its onions and 
its witches — and the great trading house of Hartford, 
and all the other redoubtable border towns, in a pro- 
digious turmoil, furbishing up their rusty fowling- 
pieces, and shouting aloud for war ; by which they 
anticipated easy conquests, and gorgeous spoils, from 
the little fat Dutch villages. But this joyous brawl- 
ing was soon silenced by the conduct of the colony 



48 DISPUTES AMONG THE AMPHYCTIONS. 

of Massachusetts. Struck with the gallant spirit of 
the brave old Peter, and convinced by the chivalric 
frankness and heroic w^armth of his vindication, they 
refused to believe him guilty of the infamous plot 
most wrongfully laid at his door. With a generosity 
for which I would yield them immortal honour, they 
declared that no determination of the grand council 
of the league should bind the general court of Mas- 
sachusetts to join in an offensive war which should 
appear to such general court to be unjust.* 

This refusal immediately involved the colony of 
Massachusetts and the other combined colonies in 
very serious difficulties and disputes, and would no 
doubt have produced a dissolution of the confederacy, 
but that the council of Amphyctions, finding that 
they could not stand alone, if mutilated by the loss 
of so important a member as Massachusetts, were 
fain to abandon for the present their hostile machi- 
nations against the Manhattoes. Such is the marvel- 
lous energy and the puissance of those confederacies, 
composed of a number of sturdy, self-willed, dis- 
cordant parts, loosely banded together by a puny 
general government. As it v/as, however, the war- 
like towns of Connecticut had no cause to deplore 
this disappointment of their martial ardour ; for by 
my faith — though the combined powers of the league 
might have been too potent, in the end, for the robus- 
tious warriors of the Manhattoes — yet in the interim 
would the lion-hearted Peter and his myrmidons 

* Haz. Col. State Papers. 



NEW-ENGLAND HORRIBLY BELEAGUERED 49 

have choked the stomachful heroes of Piquag with 
their own onions, and have given the other httle 
border towns such a scouring, that I warrant they 
would have had no stomach to squat on the land, or 
invade the hen-roost of a New-Nederlander, for a 
century to come. 

Indeed, there was more than one cause to divert 
the attention of the good people of the east, from 
their hostile purposes; for just about this time were 
they horribly beleaguered and harassed by the in- 
roads of the prince of darkness, divers of whose 
Hege subjects they detected, lurking within their 
camp, all of whom they incontinently roasted as so 
many spies and dangerous enemies. Not to speak in 
parables, we are informed, that at this juncture the 
New-England provinces were exceedingly troubled 
by multitudes of losel witches, who wrought strange 
devices to beguile and distress the multitude; and 
notwithstanding numerous judicious and bloody laws 
had been enacted against all " solemn conversing or 
compacting with the divil, by way of conjuracon or 
the like,"* yet did the dark crime of witchcraft con- 
tinue to increase to an alarming degree, that would 
almost transcend belief, were not the fact too well 
authenticated to be even doubted for an instant. 

What is particularly worthy of admiration is, that 
this terrible art, which so long has baffled the pain- 
ful researches and abstruse studies of philosophers, 
astrologers, alchymists, theurgists, and other sages, 

* New-Plymouth Record. 

Vol. II. E 



50 SCRUTINY FOR WITCHES. 

was chiefly confined to the most ignorant, decrepit, 
and ugly old women in the community, who had 
scarcely more brains than the broomsticks they rode 
upon. 

When once an alarm is sounded, the public, who 
love dearly to be in a panic, are not long in want 
of proofs to support it — raise but the cry of yellow 
fever, and immediately every head-ache, and indi- 
gestion, and overflowing of the bile, is pronounced 
the terrible epidemic. In like manner, in the present 
instance, whoever was troubled with colic or lum- 
bago, was sure to be bewitched; and woe to any 
unlucky old woman that lived in his neighbourhood. 
Such a howling abomination could not be suffered to 
remain long unnoticed, and it accordingly soon at- 
tracted tlie fiery indignation of the sober and reflec- 
tive part of the community — more especially of those, 
who, whilome, had evinced so much active benevo- 
lence in the conversion of Quakers and Anabaptists. 
The grand council of the Amphyctions publicly set 
their faces against so deadly and dangerous a sin ; 
and a severe scrutiny took place after those nefarious 
witches, who were easily detected by devil's pinches, 
black cats, broomsticks, and the circumstance of their 
only being able to weep three tears, and those out 
of the left eye. 

It is incredible the number of offences that were 
detected, " for every one of which,'' says the pro- 
found and reverend Cotton Mather, in that excellent 
work, tne History of New-England — " we have such 
a suflBcient evidence, that no reasonable man in this 



MARVELLOUS INSTANCE OF OBSTINACY. 51 

whole country ever did question them ; and it will he 
unreasonable to do it in any other.'^^^ 

Indeed, that authentic and judicious historian, John 
Josseljn, Gent, furnishes us with unquestionable facts 
on this subject. "There are none," observes he, 
" that beg in this country, but there be witches too 
many — bottle-bellied witches and others, that pro- 
duce many strange apparitions, if you will believe 
report, of a shallop at sea manned with women — 
and of a ship, and great red horse standing by the 
mainmast ; the ship being in small cove to the east- 
ward, vanished of a sudden," &;c. 

The number of delinquents, however, and their 
magical devices, were not more remarkable than 
their diabolical obstinacy. Though exhorted in the 
most solemn, persuasive, and affectionate manner, to 
confess themselves guilty, and be burnt for the good 
of religion, and the entertainment of the public ; yet 
did they most pertinaciously persist in asserting their 
innocence. Such incredible obstinacy was in itself 
deserving of immediate punishment, and was suffi- 
cient proof, if proof were necessary, that they were 
in league with the devil, who is perverseness itself. 
But their judges were just and merciful, and were 
determined to punish none that were not convicted 
on the best of testimony; not that they needed any 
evidence to satisfy their own minds, for, like true and 
experienced judges, their minds were perfectly made 
up, and they were thoroughly satisfied of the guilt of 

* Mather's Hist. New-Eng. b. 6. ch. 7. 



52 MODE OF EXTIRPATING WITCHCRAFT. 

the prisoners, before they proceeded to try them ; but 
still something was necessary to convince the com- 
munity at large — to quiet those prying quidnuncs who 
should come after them — in short, the world must 
be satisfied. Oh the world — the world! — all the 
world knows the world of trouble the world is eter- 
nally occasioning ! — The worthy judges, therefore, 
were driven to the necessity of sifting, detecting, and 
making evident as noon-day, matters which were at 
the commencement all clearly understood and firmly 
decided upon in their own pericraniums — so that it 
may truly be said, that the witches were burnt to 
gratify the populace of the day — but were tried for 
the satisfaction of the whole world that should come 
after them. 

Finding, therefore, that neither exhortation, sound 
reason, nor friendly entreaty, had any avail on these 
hardened offenders, they resorted to the more urgent 
arguments of the torture, and having thus absolutely 
wrung the truth from their stubborn lips — they con- 
demned them to undergo the roasting due unto the 
heinous crimes they had confessed. Some even car- 
ried their perverseness so far as to expire under the 
torture, protesting their innocence to the last ; but 
these were looked upon as thoroughly and absolutely 
possessed by the devil, and the pious bystanders only 
lamented that they had not lived a little longer, to 
have perished in the flames. 

In the city of Ephesus, we are told, that the 
plague was expelled by stoning a ragged old be^ar 
to death, whom Appolonius pointed out as being the 



REMARKABLE CIRCUMSTANCES. 53 

evil spirit that caused it, and who actually showed 
himself to be a demon, by changing into a shagged 
dog. In like manner, and by measures equally saga- 
cious, a salutary check was given to this growing evil. 
The witches were all burnt, banished, or panic-struck, 
and in a little while there was not an ugly old wo- 
man to be found throughout New-England — which 
is doubtless one reason why all the young women 
there are so handsome. Those honest folk who had 
suffered from their incantations gradually recovered, 
excepting such as had been afflicted with twitches 
and aches, which, however, assumed the less alarm- 
ing aspect of rheumatisms, sciatics and lumbagos — 
and the good people of New-England, abandoning 
the study of the occult sciences, turned their atten- 
tion to the more profitable hocus-pccus of trade, and 
soon became expert in the legerdemain art of turn- 
ing a penny. Still, however, a tinge of the old leaven 
is discernible, even unto this day, in their characters 
— witches occasionally start up among them in dif- 
ferent disguises, as physicians, civilians, and divines. 
The people at large show a keenness, a cleverness, 
and a profundity of wisdom, that savours strongly of 
witchcraft — and it has been remarked, that when- 
ever any stones fall from the moon, the greater part 
o( them are sure to tumble into New-England ! 
E2 



( 54 ) 



CHAPTER VII. 



Which records the rise and renown of a valiant com- 
mander, showing that a man, like a bladder, may 
be puffed up to greatness and importance by mere 
wind. 

When treating of these tempestuous times, the 
unknown writer of the Stuyvesant manuscript breaks 
out into a vehement apostrophe, in praise of the 
good St. Nicholas ; to whose protecting care he en- 
tirely ascribes the strange dissensions that broke out 
in the council of the Amphyctions, and the direful 
witchcraft that prevailed in the east country — where- 
by the hostile machinations against the Nederlanders 
were for a time frustrated, and his favourite city of 
New-Amsterdam preserved from imminent peril and 
deadly warfare. Darkness and lowering superstition 
hung over the fair valleys of the east ; the pleasant 
banks of the Connecticut no longer echoed with the 
sounds of rustic gayety ; direful phantoms and por- 
tentous apparitions were seen in the air — gliding 
spectrums haunted every wild brook and dreary glen 
— strange voices, made by viewless forms, were 
heard in desert solitudes — and the border towns were 
so occupied in detecting and punishing the knowing 
old women who had produced these alarming ap- 
pearances, that for a while the province of Nieuw- 
Nederlandt and its inhabitants were totally forgotten. 



JACOBUS VAN POFFENBURGH. 55 

The great Peter, therefore, finding that nothing 
was to he immediately apprehended from his eastern 
neighbours, turned himself about, with a praiseworthy 
vigilance that ever distinguished him, to put a stop to 
the insults of the Swedes. These freebooters, my 
attentive reader will recollect, had begun to be very 
troublesome towards the latter part of the reign of 
William the Testy, having set the proclamations of 
that doughty little governor at nought, and put the 
intrepid Jan Jansen Alpendam to a perfect nonplus ! 

Peter Stuyvesant, however, as has already been 
shown, was a governor of different habits and turn 
of mind — without more ado, he immediately issued 
orders for raising a corps of troops to be stationed 
on the southern frontier, under the command of brig- 
adier-general Jacobus Van Poffenburgh. This illus- 
trious warrior had risen to great importance during 
the reign of Wilhelmus Kieft, and if histories speak 
true, was second in command to the hapless Van 
Curlet, when he and his ragged regiment were inhu- 
manly kicked out of Fort Good Hope by the Yan- 
kees. In consequence of having been in such a 
" memorable affair," and of having received more 
wounds on a certain honourable ^art that shall be 
nameless than any of his comrades, he was ever after 
considered as a hero, who had " seen some service." 
Certain it is, he enjoyed the unhmited confidence and 
friendship of William the Testy; who would sit for 
hours, and listen with wonder to his gunpowder nar- 
ratives of surprising victories — he had never gained; 
and dreadful battles — from which he had run away. 



56 HIS CHARACTER. 

ft was tropically observed by honest old Socrates, 
that heaven had infused into some men at their birth 
a portion of intellectual gold ; into others of intel- 
lectual silver; while others were bounteously fur- 
nished out with abundance of brass and iron — now 
of this last class was undoubtedly the great General 
'\ n Poffenburgh ; and from the display he contin- 
ually made thereof, 1 am inclined to think that dame 
Nature, who will sometimes be partial, had blessed 
him with enough of those valuable materials to have 
fitted up a dozen ordinary braziers. But what is 
most to be admired is, that he contrived to pass off 
all his brass and copper upon Wilhelmus Kieft, who 
was no great judge of base coin, as pure and genuine 
gold. The consequence was, that upon the resignation 
of Jacobus Van Curlet, who, after the loss of Fort 
Good Hope, retired, hke a veteran general, to live 
under the shade of his laurels, the mighty " copper 
captain" was promoted to his station. This he filled 
with great importance, always styling himself " com- 
mander-in-chief of the armies of New-Netherlands ;" 
though, to tell the truth, the armies, or rather army, 
consisted of a handfuU of hen-stealing, bottle-bruising 
ragamufiins. 

Such was the character of the warrior appointed 
by Peter Stuyvesant to defend his southern frontier ; 
nor may it be uninteresting to my reader to have a 
glimpse of his person. He was not very tall, but 
notwithstanding, a huge, full-bodied man, whose bulk 
did not so much arise from his being fat, as windy ; 
being so completely inflated with his own importance, 



HIS DRESS 51 

that he resembled one cf those bags of wind which 
^olus, in an incredible fit of generosity, gave to that 
wandering warrior Ulysses. 

His dress comported with his character, for he had 
almost as much brass and copper without, as nature 
had stored away within — his coat was crossed and 
slashed, and carbonadoed with stripes of copper lar<^, 
and swathed round the body with a crimson sash, of' 
the size and texture of a fishing-net, doubtless to 
keep his valiant heart from bursting through his ribs. 
His head and whiskers were profusely powdered, 
from the midst of which his full-blooded face glowed 
like a fiery furnace ; and his magnanimous soul seem- 
ed ready to bounce out at a pair of large glassy 
bhnking eyes, which projected like those of a lobster. 

I swear to thee, worthy reader, if report belie not 
this warrior, I would give all the money in my pocket 
to have seen him accoutred cap-a-pie, in martial 
array — booted to the middle — sashed to the chin — 
collared to the ears — whiskered to the teeth — crown- 
ed with an overshadowing cOcked hat, and girded 
with a leathern belt ten inches broad, from which 
trailed a falchion, of a length that I dare not men- 
tion. Thus equipped, he strutted about, as bitter- 
looking a man of war as the far-famed More of More 
Hall, when he sallied forth, armed at all points, to 
slay the Dragon of Wantley.* 

* " Had you but seen him in hrs dress 

How fierce he look'd and how big; 
You would have thought him for to be 

Some Egyptian Porcupig. 



58 MILITARY MEN SCARCE. 

Notwithstanding all these great endowments and 
transcendent qualities of this renowned general, I 
must confess he was not exactly the kind of man that 
the gallant Peter would have chosen to command 
his troops — but the truth is, that in those days the 
province did not abound, as at present, in great mil- 
itary characters ; who, like so many Cincinnatuses, 
people every httle village — marshalling out cabbages 
instead of soldiers, and signalizing themselves in the 
corn-field, instead of the field of battle ; — who have 
surrendered the toils of war, for the more useful but 
inglorious arts of peace ; and so blended the laurel 
with the olive, that you may have a general for a 
landlord, a colonel for a stage-driver, and your horse 
shod by a valiant " captain of volunteers." The re- 
doubtable General Van Poffenburgh, therefore, was 
appointed to the command of the new-levied troops, 
chiefly because there were no competitors for the 
station, and partly because it would have been a 
breach of mihtary etiquette, to have appointed a 
younger ofliicer over his head — an injustice, which 
the great Peter would have rather died tha» have 
committed. 

No sooner did this thrice-valiant copper captain 
receive marching orders, than he conducted his army 
undauntedly to the southern frontier ; through wild 

" He frighted all, cats, dogs, and all, 
Each cow, each horse, and each hog; 

For fear they did flee, for they took him to be 
Some strange outlandish hedge-hog." 

Ballad of Drag, of Want. 



ERECTION OF FORT CASIMIR. 59 

lands and savage deserts ; over insurmountable moun- 
tains, across impassable floods, and through impene- 
trable forests ; subduing a vast tract of uninhabited 
country, and encountering more perils, according to 
his own account, than did ever the great Xenophon 
in his far-famed retreat with his ten thousand Gre- 
cians. All this accomplished, he established on the 
South (or Delaware) river, a redoubtable redoubt, 
named Fort Casimir, in honour of a favourite pair 
of brimstone-coloured trunk breeches of the gov- 
ernor. As this fort will be found to give rise to very 
important and interesting events, it may be worth 
while to' notice that it was afterwards called Nieuw- 
Amstel, and was the original germ of the present 
flourishing town of New-Castle, an appellation er- 
roneously substituted for JVb Castle, there -neither 
being, nor ever having been, a castle, or any thing of 
the kind, upon the premises. 

The Swedes did not suffer tamely this menacing 
movement of the Nederlanders ; on the contrary, 
Jan Printz, at that time governor of New-Sweden, 
issued a protest against what he termed an encroach- 
ment upon his jurisdiction. But Van Poflfenburgh 
had become too well versed in the nature of procla- 
mations and protests, while he served under William 
the Testy, to be in any wise daunted by such paper 
warfare. His fortress being finished, it would have 
done any man's heart good to behold into what a 
magnitude he immediately swelled. He would stride 
in and out a dozen times a day, surveying it in front 
and in rear ; on this side and on that. Then would 



k 



60 POIVIPOSITY OF VAN POFFENBURGH. 

he dress himself in full regimentals, and strut back- 
wards and forwards, for hours together, on the top of 
his little rampart — like a vain-glorious cock-pigeon 
vapouring on the top of his coop. In a word, unless 
my readers have noticed, with curious eye, the petty 
commander of one of our little, snivelling, military 
posts, swelling with all the vanity of new regimentals, 
and the pomposity derived from commanding a hand- 
full of tatterdemalions, I despair of giving them any 
adequate idea of the prodigious dignity of General 
Van Poffenburgh. 

It is recorded, in the delectable romance of Pierce 
Forest, that a young knight being dubbed by king 
Alexander, did incontinently gallop into an adjoining 
forest, and belaboured the trees with such might and 
main, that the whole court was convinced that he 
was the most potent and courageous gentleman on 
the face of the earth. In like manner the great Van 
Poffenburgh would ease off that valorous spleen, 
which like wind is so apt to grow unruly in the 
stomachs of new-made soldiers, impelling them to 
box-lobby brawls, and broken-headed quarrels. For 
at such times, when he found his martial spirit wax- 
ing hot within him, he would prudently sally forth 
into the fields, and lugging out his trusty sabre, would 
lay about him most lustily, decapitating cabbages by 
platoons ; hewing down whole phalanxes of sun- 
flowers, which he termed gigantic Swedes ; and if, 
perad venture, he espied a colony of honest big-bellied 
pumpkins quietly basking themselves in the sun, " Ah, 
caitiff Yankees," would he roar, " have I caught ye 



HIS EXPLOITS AND TACTICS. Gl 

at last ?" — so saying, with one sweep of his sword, 
he would cleave the unhappy vegetables from their 
chins to their waistbands ; by which warlike havoc 
his choler being in some sort allayed, he would re- 
turn to his garrison with a full conviction that he 
was a very miracle of military prowess. 

The next ambition of General Van Poffenburgh 
was to be thought a strict disciplinarian. Well 
knowing that discipline is the soul of all military en- 
terprise, he enforced it with the most rigorous pre- 
cision ; obliging every man to turn out his toes and 
hold up his head on parade, and prescribing the 
breadth of their ruffles to all such as had any shirts 
to their backs. 

Having one day, in the course of his devout re- 
searches in the Bible, (for the pious Encois himself 
could not exceed him in outward religion,) encoun- 
tered the history of Absalom and his melancholy end, 
the general, in an evil hour, issued orders for crop- 
ping the hair of both officers and men throughout 
the garrison. Now it came to pass, that among his 
officers was one Kildermeester, a sturdy veteran, 
who had cherished, through the course of a long life, 
a rugged mop of hair, not a little resembling the shag 
of a Newfoundland dog, terminating with an immod- 
erate queue like the handle of a frying-pan ; and 
queued so tightly to his head, that his eyes and mouth 
generally stood ajar, and his eye-brows were drawn 
up to the top of his forehead. It may naturally be 
supposed that the possessor of so goodly an appen- 
dage would resist with abhorrence an order con- 

VoL. II. F 



62 KILDERMEESTER'S LONG TAIL. 

demning it to the shears. On hearing the general 
orders, he discharged a tempest of veteran, soldier- 
like oaths, and dunder and blixums — swore he would 
break any man's head who attempted to meddle with 
his tail — queued it stiffer than ever, and whisked it 
about the garrison as fiercely as the tail of a crocodile. 
The eel-skin queue of old Kildermeester became 
instantly an affair of the utmost importance. The 
commander-in-chief was too enlightened an officer not 
to perceive that the discipline of the garrison, the 
subordination and good order of the armies of the 
Nieuw-Nederlandts, the consequent safety of the 
whole province, and ultimately the dignity and pros- 
perity of their High Mightinesses, the Lords States 
General, but above all, the dignity of the great Gen- 
eral Van Foffenburgh, all imperiously demanded the 
docking of that stubborn queue. He therefore de- 
termined that old Kildermeester should be publicly 
shorn of his glories in the presence of the whole gar- 
rison — the old man as resolutely stood on the de- 
fensive — whereupon the general, as became a great 
man, was highly exasperated, and the offender was 
arrested and tried by a court-martial for mutiny, de- 
sertion, and all the other list of offences noticed in 
the articles of war, ending with a " videlicet, in wear- 
ing an eel-skin queue, three feet long, contrary to 
orders." — Then came on arraignments, and trials, 
and pleadings ; and the whole country was in a fer- 
ment about this unfortunate queue. As it is well 
known that the commander of a distant frontier post 
has the power of acting pretty much after his own 



NIGHTLY VISITATIONS OF THE GOVERNOR. 63 

will, there is little doubt that the veteran would have 
been hanged or shot at least, had he not luckily fallen 
ill of a fever, through mere chagrin and mortification 
— and most flagitiously deserted from all earthly 
command, with his beloved locks unviolated. His 
obstinacy remained unshaken to the very last moment, 
when he directed that he should be carried to his 
grave with his eel-skin queue sticking out of a hole 
in his coffin. 

This magnanimous affair obtained the general 
great credit as an excellent disciplinarian, but it is 
hinted that he was ever after subject to bad dreams 
and fearful visitations in the night — when the grizzly 
spectrum of old Kildermeester would stand sentinel 
by his bed-side, erect as a pump, his enormous queue 
strutting out like the handle. 



BOOK ITC. 



CONTAINING THE SECOND PART OF THE REIGN OF PETER 
THE HEADSTRONG, AND HIS GALLANT ACHIEVEMENTS ON 
THE DELAWARE. 



CHAPTER I. 



In which is exhibited a warlike portrait of the great 
Peter — and how General Van Poffenburgh dis- 
tinguished himself at Fort Casimir. 

Hitherto, most venerable and courteous reader, 
have I shown thee the administration of the valorous 
Stuyvesant, under the mild moonshine of peace, or 
rather the grim tranquillity of awful expectation ; but 
now the war-drum rumbles from afar, the brazen 
trumpet brays its thrilHng note, and the rude clash of 
hostile arms speaks fearful prophecies of coming 
troubles. The gallant warrior starts from soft repose, 
from golden visions, and voluptuous ease ; where, in 
the dulcet, " piping time of peace," he sought sweet 
solace after all his toils. No more in beauty's syren 
lap reclined, he weaves fair garlands for his lady's 
brovv^s ; no more entwines with flowers his shining 
sword, nor through the live-long lazy summer's day 
chants forth his lovesick soul in madrigals. To man- 
hood roused, he spurns the amorous flute; doffs from 
his brawny back the robe of peace, and clothes his 



A PREUX CHEVALIER. 65 

pampered limbs in panoply of steel. O'er his dark 
brow, where late the myrtle waved, where wanton 
roses breathed enervate love, he rears the beaming 
casque and nodding plume ; grasps the bright shield 
and shakes the ponderous lance ; or mounts with 
eager pride his fiery steed, and burns for deeds of 
glorious chivalry ! 

But soft, worthy reader ! I would not have you 
imagine, that any prcux chevalier, thus hideously be- 
girt with iron, existed in the city of New-Amster- 
dam. This is but a lofty and gigantic mode in which 
heroic writers always talk of war, thereby to give it 
a noble and imposing aspect; equipping our warriors 
with bucklers, helms, and lances, and such like out- 
landish and obsolete weapons, the like of which per- 
chance they had never seen or heard of; in the same 
manner that a cunning statuary arrays a modern 
general or an admiral in the accoutrements of a 
Caesar or an Alexander. The simple truth, then, of 
all this oratorical flourish is this — that the valiant 
Peter Stuyvesant all of a sudden found it necessary 
to scour his trusty blade, which too long had rusted 
in its scabbard, and prepare himself to undergo those 
hardy toils of war, in which his mighty soul so much 
delighted. 

Methinks I at this moment behold him in my im- 
agination — or rather, I behold his goodly portrait, 
which still hangs up in the family mansion of the 
Stuyvesants — arrayed in all the terrors of a true 
Dutch general. His regimental coat of German 
blue, gorgeously decorated with a goodly show of 
F2 



66 HIS CHIVALIC PORT. 

large brass buttons, reaching from his waistband to 
his chin. The voluminous skirts turned up at the 
corners, and separating gallantly behind, so as to dis- 
play the seat of a sumptuous pair of brimstone- 
coloured trunk breeches — a graceful style still preva- 
lent among the warriors of our day, and which is in 
conformity to the custom of ancient heroes, who 
scorned to defend themselves in the rear. — His face 
rendered exceedingly terrible and warlike by a pair 
of black mustachios ; his hair strutting out on each 
side in stiffly pomatumed ear-locks, and descending 
in a rat-tail queue below his waist ; a shining stock 
of black leather supporting his chin, and a little but 
fierce cocked hat stuck with a gallant and fiery air 
over his left eye. Such was the chivalric port of 
Peter the Headstrong ; and when he made a sudden 
halt, planted himself firmly on his soHd supporter, 
with his wooden leg inlaid with silver, a little in ad- 
vance, in order to strengthen his position, his right 
hand grasping a gold-headed cane, his left resting 
upon the pummel of his sword ; his head dressing 
spiritedly to the rights with a most appalling and 
hard-favoured frown upon his brow — ^he presented 
altogether one of the most commanding, bitter look- 
ing, and soldier-like figures that ever strutted upon 
canvas. Proceed we now to inquire the cause of 
this warlike preparation. 

The encroaching disposition of the Swedes, on the 
South, or Delaware river, has been duly recorded in 
the chronicles of the reign of William the Testy. 
These encroachments having been endured with that 



AGGRESSIONS OF THE SWEDES. 67 

hero'c magnanimity, which is the corner-stone of 
tru' courage, had been repeatedly and wickedly ag- 
gravated. 

The Swedes, who were of that class of cunning 
pretenders to Christianity, who read the Bible upside- 
down, whenever it interferes with their interests, in- 
verted the golden maxim, and when their neighbour 
suffered them to smite him on the one cheek, they 
generally smote him on the other also, whether turn- 
ed to them or not. Their repeated aggressions had 
been among the numerous sources of vexation, that 
conspired to keep the irritable sensibilities of Wil- 
helmus Kieft in a constant fever, and it was only 
owing to the unfortunate circumstance, that he had 
always a hundred things to do at once, that he did 
not take such unrelenting vengeance as their offences 
merited. But they had now a chieftain of a different 
character to deal with ; and they were soon guilty 
of a piece of treachery, that threw his honest blood 
into a ferment, and precluded all further sufferance. 

Printz, the governor of the province of New- 
Sweden, being either deceased or removed, for of 
this fact some uncertainty exists, was succeeded by 
Jan Risingh, a gigantic Swede, and who, had he not 
been rather knock-kneed and splay-footed, might 
have served for the model of a Samson, or a Her- 
cules. He was no less rapacious than mighty, and 
withal as crafty as he was rapacious ; so that, in fact, 
there is very little doubt, had he lived some four or 
five centuries before, he would have been one of 
those wicked giants, who took such a cruel pleasure 



68 RISINGH, THE SWEDISH GOVERNOR. 

in pocketing distressed damsels, when gadding about 
the world, and locking them up in enchanted cas- 
tles, without a toilet, a change of Hnen, or any other 
convenience — in consequence of which enormities, 
they fell under the high displeasure of chivalry, and 
all true, loyal, and gallant knights were instructed to 
attack and slay outright any miscreant they might 
happen to find, above six feet high ; which is doubt- 
less one reason that the race of large men is nearly 
extinct, and the generations of latter ages so exceed- 
ing small. 

No sooner did Governor Risingh enter upon his 
office, than he immediately cast his eyes upon the 
important post of Fort Casimir, and formed the 
righteous resolution of taking it into his possession. 
The only thing that remained to consider, was the 
mode of carrying his resolution into effect; and here 
I must do him the justice to saj', that he exhibited a 
humanity rarely to be met with among leaders, and 
which I have never seen equalled in modern times, 
excepting among the English, in their glorious affair 
at Copenhagen. Willing to spare the effusion of 
blood, and the miseries of open warfare, he benevo- 
lently shunned every thing like avowed hostility or 
regular siege, and resorted to the less glorious, but 
more merciful expedient of treachery. 

Under pretence, therefore, of paying a neighbourly 
visit to General Van Poffenburgh, at his new post of 
Fort Casimir, he made requisite preparation, sailed 
in great state up the Delaware, displayed his flag 
with the most ceremonious punctilio, and honoured 



HIS TREACHEROUS CONDUCT. 69 

the fortress with a royal salute, previous to dropping 
anchor. The unusual noise awakened a veteran 
Dutch sentinel, who was napping faithfully at his 
post, and who, having suffered his match to go out 
contrived to return the compliment, by discharging 
his rusty musket with the spark of a pipe, which he 
borrowed from one of his comrades. The salute in- 
deed would have been answered by the guns of the 
fort, had they not unfortunately been out of order, 
and the magazine deficient in ammunition — accidents 
to which forts have in all ages been liable, and 
which were the more excusable in the present in- 
stance, as Fort Casimir had only been erected about 
two years, and General Van Poffenburgh, its mighty 
commander, had been fully occupied with matters of 
much greater importance. 

Risingh, highly satisfied with this courteous reply- 
to his salute, treated the fort to a second, for he well 
knew its commander was marvellously delighted with 
these little ceremonials, which he considered as so 
many acts of homage paid unto his greatness. He 
then landed in great state, attended by a suite of 
thirty men — a prodigious and vain-glorious retinue, 
for a petty governor of a petty settlement, in those 
days of primitive simpHcity; and to the full as great 
an army as generally swells the pomp and marches 
in the rear of our frontier commanders, at the pres- 
ent day. 

The number, in fact, might have awakened sus- 
picion, had not the mind of the great Van Poffenbui^h 
been so completely engrossed with an all-pervading 



70 VAN POFFENBURGH'S EMBARRASSMENT. 

idea of himself, that he had not room to admit a 
thought besides. In fact, he considered the concourse 
of Risingh's followers as a compliment to himself — 
so apt are great men to stand between themselves 
and the sun, and completely eclipse the truth by their 
own shadow. 

It may readily be imagined how much General 
Van Polfenburgh was flattered by a visit from so 
august a personage ; his only embarrassment was, 
how he should receive him in such a manner as to 
appear to the greatest advantage, and make the most 
advantageous impression. The main guard was or- 
dered immediately to turn out, and the arms and regi- 
mentals (of which the garrison possessed full half-a- 
dozen suits) were equally distributed among the sol- 
diers. One tall lank fellow appeared in a coat in- 
tended for a small man, the skirts of which reach 
ed a little below his waist, the buttons were be- 
tween his shoulders, and the sleeves half-way to 
his wrists, so that his hands looked like a couple of 
huge spades — and the coat, not being large enough 
to meet in front, was hnked together by loops, made 
of a pair of red worsted garters. Another had an old 
cocked hat stuck on the back of his head, and deco- 
rated with a bunch of cocks' tails — a third had a pair 
of rusty gaiters hanging about his heels — while a 
fourth, who was short and duck-legged, was equipped 
in a huge pair of the general's cast-off breeches, 
which he held up with one hand, while he grasped 
his firelock with the other. The rest were accoutred 
in similar style, excepting three graceless ragamuffins^ 



GARRISON OF FORT CASIMIR. 71 

who had no shirts, and but a pair and a half of 
breeclies between them, wherefore they were sent 
to the black hole to keep them out of view. There 
is nothing in which the talents of a prudent com- 
mander are more completely testified, than in thus 
setting matters off to the greatest advantage ; and it 
is for this reason that our frontier posts at the present 
day (that of Niagara for example) display their best 
suit of regimentals on the back of the sentinel who 
stands in sight of travellers. 

His men being thus gallantly arrayed — those who 
lacked muskets shouldering spades and pickaxes, and 
every man being ordered to tuck in his shirt-tail and 
pull up his brogues. General Van PotFenburgh first 
took a sturdy draught of foaming ale, which like the 
magnanimous More of Morehall* was his invariable 
practice on all great occasions — which done, he put 
himself at their head, ordered the pine planks, which 
served as a draw-bridge, to be laid down, and issued 
forth from his castle, hke a mighty giant, just refresh- 
ed with wine. But when the two heroes met, then 
began a scene of warlike parade and chivalric cour- 
tesy, that beggars all description — Risingh, who, as I 
before hinted, was a shrewd, cunning politician, and 
had grown gray much before his time, in consequence 
of his craftiness, saw at one glance the ruhng passion 



-as soon as he rose. 



To make him strong and mighty, 
He drank by the tale, six pots of ale, 
And a quart of aqua-vitae." 



k 



72 MEETING OF THE TWO HEROES. 

of the great Van Poffenburgh, and humoured him in 
all his valorous fantasies. 

Their detachments were accordingly drawn up in 
front of, each other ; they carried arms, and they 
presented arms ; they gave the standing salute and 
the passing salute — They rolled their drums, and 
flourished their fifes, and they waved their colours — 
They faced to the left, and they faced to the right, 
and they faced to the right about — They wheeled 
forward, and they wheeled backward, and they wheel- 
ed into echellon — They marched, and they counter- 
marched, by grand divisions, by single divisions, and 
by sub-divisions — by platoons, by sections, and by 
files — in quick time, in slow time, and in no time at 
all ; for, having gone through all the evolutions of 
two great armies, including the eighteen manoeuvres 
of Dundas, having exhausted all that they could re- 
collect or imagine of military tactics, including sun- 
dry strange and irregular evolutions, the like of which 
was never seen before nor since, excepting among 
certain of our newly-raised militia, the two great 
commanders and their respective troops came at 
length to a dead halt, completely exhausted by the 
toils of war. Never did two valiant train-band cap- 
tains, or two buskined theatric heroes, in the re- 
nowned tragedies of Pizarro, Tom Thumb, or any 
other heroical and fighting tragedy, marshal their 
gallows-looking, duck-legged, heavy-heeled myrmi- 
dons with more glory and self-admiration. 

These militar}^ compliments being finished. Gen- 
eral Van Poifenburgh escorted his illustrious visiter, 



SURVEY OF THE FORTIFICATIONS. 73 

with great ceremony, into the fort ; attended him 
throughout the fortifications ; showed him the horn- 
works, crown-works, half-moons, and , various other 
outworks ; or rather the places where they ought to 
be erected, and where they might be erected if he 
pleased ; plainly demonstrating that it was a place of 
" great capabihty," and though at present but a little 
redoubt, yet that it evidently was a formidable for- 
tress, in embryo. This survey over, he next had the 
whole garrison put under arms, exercised and re- 
viewed, and concluded by ordering the three Bride- 
well birds to be hauled out of the black hole, brought 
up to the halberts, and soundly flogged, for the amuse- 
ment of his visiter, and to convince him that he was 
a great disciplinarian. 

The cunning Risingh, while he pretended to be 
struck dumb outright, with the puissance of the great 
Van PofTenburgh, took silent note of the incompetency 
of his garrison, of which he gave a hint to his trusty 
followers, who tipped each other the wink, and laugh- 
ed most obstreperously — in their sleeves. 

The inspection, review, and flogging, being con- 
cluded, the party adjourned to the table ; for among 
his other great qualities, the general was remarkably 
addicted to huge entertainments, or rather carousals, 
and in one afternoon's campaign would leave more 
dead men on the field, than he ever did in the whole 
course of his military career. Many bulletins of these 
bloodless victories do still remain on record ; and the 
whole province was once thrown in amaze, by the 
return of one of his campaigns ; wherein it was 

Vol. II. G 



74 VAN POFFENBURGH'S BANQUET. 

stated, that though, like Captain Bobadil, he had 
only twenty men to back him, yet in the short space 
of six months he had conquered and utterly annihi- 
lated sixty oxen, ninety hogs, one hundred sheep, ten 
thousand cabbages, one thousand bushels of potatoes, 
one hundred, and fifty kilderkins of small-beer, two 
thousand seven hundred and thirty-five pipes, seventy- 
eight pounds of sugar-plumbs, and forty bars of iron, 
besides sundry small meats, game, poultry, and gar- 
den stuff: — An achievement unparalleled since the 
days of Pantagruel and his all-devouring army, and 
which showed that it was only necessary to let belli- 
potent Van PofTenburgh and his garrison loose in an 
enemy's country, and in a little while they would 
breed a famine, and starve all the inhabitants. 

No sooner, therefore, had the general received the 
first intimation of the visit of Governor Risingh, than 
he ordered a great dinner to be prepared ; and pri- 
vately sent out a detachment of his most experienced 
veterans, to rob all the hen-roosts in the neighbour- 
hood, and lay the pig-sties under contribution ; a ser- 
vice to which they had been long inured, and which 
they discharged with such incredible zeal and promp- 
titude, that the garrison table groaned under the 
weight of their spoils. 

I wish, with all my heart, my readers could see 
the valiant Van PofTenburgh, as he presided at the 
head of the banquet; it was a sight worth beholding: 
— there he sat, in his greatest glory, surrounded by 
his soldiers, like that famous wine-bibber, Alexander, 
whose thirsty virtues he did most ably imitate — tell- 



CAPTURE OF FORT CASIMIR. 75 

ing astounding stories of his hair-breadth adventures 
and heroic exploits, at which, though all his auditors 
knew them to be most incontinent and outrageous 
gasconadoes, yet did they cast up their eyes in admi- 
ration, and utter many interjections of astonishment. 
Nor could the general pronounce any thing that bore 
the remotest semblance to a joke, but the stout Ri- 
singh would strike his brawny fist upon the table till 
every glass rattled again, throwing himself back in 
the chair, and uttering gigantic peals of laughter, 
swearing most horribly it was the best joke he ever 
heard in his life. — Thus all was rout and revelry and 
hideous carousal within Fort Casimir, and so lustily 
did Van PofFenburgh ply the bottle, that in less than 
four short hours he made himself, and his whole gar- 
rison, who all sedulously emulated the deeds of their 
chieftain, dead drunk, and singing songs, quaffing 
bumpers, and drinking patriotic toasts, none of which 
but was as long as a Welsh pedigree, or a plea in 
chancery. 

No sooner did things come to this pass, than the 
crafty Risingh and his Swedes, who had cunningly 
kept themselves sober, rose on their entertainers, tied 
them neck and heels, and took formal possession of 
the fort, and all its dependencies, in the name of 
Queen Christina of Sweden : administering at the 
same time an oath of allegiance to all the Dutch sol- 
diers who could be made sober enough to swallow it. 
Risingh then put the fortification in order, appointed 
his discreet and vigilant friend, Suen Scutz, a tall, 
wind-dried, water-drinking Swede, to the command, 



76 TRANSPORTATION OF THE GARRISON 

and departed, bearing with him this truly amiable 
garrison, and their puissant commander ; who, when 
brought to himself by a sound drubbing, bore no 
little resemblance to a " deboshed fish," or bloated 
sea-monster, caught upon dry land. 

The transportation of the garrison was done to 
prevent the transmission of intelligence to New-Am- 
sterdam; for, much as the cunning Risingh exulted 
in his stratagem, he dreaded the vengeance of the 
sturdy Peter Stuyvesant; whose name spread as 
much terror in the neighbourhood as did whilom that 
of the unconquerable Scanderberg among his scurvy 
enemies the Turks. 



( 77 ) 



CHAPTER II. 

Showing how profound secrets are often brought to 
light ^ with the proceedings of Peter the Head- 
strongs when he heard of the misfortunes of Gen- 
eral Van Poffenburgh. 

Whoever first described common fame, or rumour, 
as belonging to the sager sex, was a very owl for 
shrewdness. She has, in truth, certain feminine 
qualities to an astonishing degree ; particularly that 
benevolent anxiety to take care of the affairs of 
others, which keeps her continually hunting after 
secrets, and gadding about proclaiming them. What- 
ever is done openly and in the face of the world, 
she takes but transient notice of; but whenever a 
transaction is done in a corner, and attempted to be 
shrouded in mystery, then her goddess-ship is at her 
wit's end to find it out, and takes a most mischievous 
and lady-like pleasure in pubhshing it to the world. 

It is this truly feminine propensity that induces 
her continually to be prying into cabinets of princes, 
listening at the key-holes of senate chambers, and 
peering through chinks and crannies, when our wor- 
thy Congress are sitting with closed doors, delibe- 
rating between a dozen excellent modes of ruining 
the nation. It is this which makes her so obnoxious 
to all wary statesmen and intriguing commanders — 
such a stumbling-block to private negotiations and 
G2 



78 HISTORY OF DIRK SCHUILER. 

secret expeditions; which she often betrays, by 
means and instruments which never would have been 
thought of by any but a female head. 

Thus it was in the case of the affair of Fort Casi- 
mir. No doubt the cunning Risingh imagined, that 
by securing the garrison he should for a long time 
prevent the history of its fate from reaching the ears 
of the gallant Stuyvesant; but his exploit was blown 
to the world when he least expected it, and by one 
of the last beings he would ever have suspected of 
enlisting as trumpeter to the wide-mouthed deity. 

This was one Dirk Schuiler, (or Skulker,) a kind 
of hanger-on to the garrison ; who seemed to belong 
to nobody, and in a manner to be self-outlawed. He 
was one of those vagabond cosmopohtes, who shark 
about the world as if they had no right or business 
in it, and who infest the skirts of society like poach- 
ers and interlopers. Every garrison and country 
village has one or more scape-goats of this kind, 
whose life is a kind of enigma, whose existence is 
without motive, who comes from the Lord knows 
where, who lives the Lord knows how, and seems to 
be made for no other earthly purpose but to keep 
up the ancient and honourable order of idleness. This 
vagrant philosopher was supposed to have some In- 
dian blood in his veins, which was manifested by a 
certain Indian complexion and cast of countenance ; 
but more especially by his propensities and habits. 
He was a tall, lank fellow, swift of foot and long- 
winded. He was generally equipped in a half Indian 
dress, with belt, leggings, and moccasons. His hair 



HIS PERSON AND CHARACTER. 79 

hung in straight gallows locks about his ears, and 
added not a little to his sharking demeanour. It is an 
old remark, that persons of Indian mixture are half 
civilized, half savage, and half devil, a third half being 
expressly provided for their particular convenience. 
It is for similar reasons, and probably with equal 
truth, that the back-wood-men of Kentucky are styled 
half man, half horse, and half alligator, by the settlers 
on the Mississippi, and held accordingly in great 
respect and abhorrence. 

The above character may have presented itself to 
the garrison as applicable to Dirk Schuiler, whom 
they familiarly dubbed Gallows Dirk. Certain it is, 
he acknowledged allegiance to no one — was an utter 
enemy to work, holding it in no manner of estima- 
tion — but lounged about the fort, depending upon 
chance for a subsistence, getting drunk whenever he 
could get liquor, and stealing whatever he could lay 
his hands on. Every day or two he was sure to get 
a sound rib-roasting for some of his misdemeanours, 
which, however, as it broke no bones, he made very 
light of, and scrupled not to repeat the offence, when- 
ever another opportunity presented. Sometimes, in 
consequence of some flagrant villany, he would ab- 
scond from the garrison, and be absent for a month 
at a time ; skulking about the woods and swamps, 
with a long fowling-piece on his shoulder, laying in 
ambush for game — or squatting himself down on the 
edge of a pond catching fish for hours together, and 
bearing no little resemblance to that notable bird 
ycleped the mudpoke. When he thought his crimes 



80 HIS MANNER OF LIFE. 

had been forgotten or forgiven, he would sneak back 
to the fort with a bundle of skins, or a bunch of 
poultry, which perchance he had stolen, and would 
exchange them for liquor, with which, having well 
soaked his carcass, he would lay in the sun and enjoy 
all the luxurious indolence of that swinish philosopher 
Diogenes. He was the terror of all the farm-yards 
in the country, into which he made fearful inroads ; 
and sometimes he would make his sudden appearance 
at the garrison at day-break, with the whole neigh- 
bourhood at his heels, like a scoundrel thief of a fox, 
detected in his maraudings and hunted to his hole. 
Such was this Dirk Schuiler ; and from the total in- 
difference he showed to the world or its concerns, 
and from his truly Indian stoicism and taciturnity, no 
one would ever have dreamt that he would have 
been the publisher of the treachery of Risingh. 

When the carousal was going on, which proved so 
fatal to the brave Van Poffenburgh and his watchful 
garrison. Dirk skulked about from room to room, 
being a kind of privileged vagrant, or useless hound, 
whom nobody noticed. But though a fellow of few 
words, yet, like your taciturn people, his eyes and 
ears were always open, and in the course of his 
prowlings he overheard the whole plot of the Swedes. 
Dirk immediately settled in his own mind how he 
should turn the matter to his own advantage. He 
played the perfect jack-of-both-sides — that is to say, 
he made a prize of every thing that came in his 
reach, robbed both parties, stuck the copper-bound 
cocked hat of the puissant Van Poffenburgh on his 



HIS FLIGHT TO NEW-AMSTERDAM. 81 

head, whipped a huge pair of Risingh's jack-boots 
under his arms, and took to his heels, just before the 
catastrophe and confusion at the garrison. 

Finding himself completely dislodged from his 
haunt in this quarter, he directed his flight towards 
his native place, New-Amsterdam, from whence he 
had formerly been obhged to abscond precipitately, 
in consequence of misfortune in business — that is to 
say, having been detected in the act of sheep-stealing. 
After wandering many days in the woods, toiling 
through swamps, fording brooks, swimming various 
rivers, and encountering a world of hardships, that 
would have killed any other being but an Indian, a 
back-wood-man, or the devil, he at length arrived, 
half famished, and lank as a starved weasel, at Com- 
munipaw, where he stole a canoe and paddled over 
to New-Amsterdam. Immediately on landing, he re- 
paired to Governor Stuyvesant, and in more words 
than he had ever spoken before in the whole course 
of his hfe, gave an account of the disastrous affair. 

On receiving these direful tidings, the valiant 
Peter started from his seat — dashed the pipe he was 
smoking against the back of the chimney — thrust 
a prodigious quid of tobacco into his left cheek — 
pulled up his galligaskins, and strode up and down 
the room, humming, as was customary with him 
when in a passion, a hideous north-west ditty. But 
as I have before shown, he was not a man to vent his 
spleen in idle vapouring. His first measure after the 
paroxysm of wrath had subsided, was to stump up 
stairs, to a huge wooden chest, which served as his 



82 PETER PREPARES FOR ACTION. 

armory, from whence he drew forth that identical 
suit of regimentals described in the preceding chap- 
ter. In these portentous habiliments he arrayed 
himself, like Achilles, in the armour of Vulcan, main- 
taining all the while a most appalling silence, knitting 
his brows, and drawing his breath through his clench- 
ed teeth. Being hastily equipped, he strode down into 
the parlour, jerked down his trusty sword from over 
the fire-place, where it was usually suspended ; but 
before he girded it on his thigh, he drew it from its 
scabbard, and as his eye coursed along the rusty 
blade, a grim smile stole over his iron visage — It was 
the first smile that had visited his countenance for 
five long weeks ; but every one who beheld it, 
prophesied that there would soon be warm work in 
the province ! 

Thus armed at all points, with grizzly war de- 
pictured in each feature, his very cocked hat assum- 
ing an air of uncommon defiance, he instantly put 
himself upon the alert, and despatched Antony Van 
Corlear hither and thither, this way and that way, 
through all the muddy streets and crooked lanes of 
the city, summoning by sound of trumpet his trusty 
peers to assemble in instant council. This done, by 
way of expediting matters, according to the custom 
of people in a hurry, he kept in continual bustle, 
shifting from chair to chair, popping his head out of 
every window, and stumping up and down stairs with 
his wooden leg in such brisk and incessant motion, 
that, as we are informed by an authentic historian 
of the times, the continual clatter bore no small re- 



HE SUMMONS A COUNCIL. 83 

gemblance to the musijf^of a cooper hooping a flour- 
barrel. 

A summons so peremptory, and from a man of the 
governor's mettle, was not to be trifled with ; the 
sages forthwith repaired to the council chamber, 
seated themselves w^th the utmost tranquillity, and 
ighting their long pipes, gazed with unruffled com- 
posure on his excellency and his regimentals ; being, 
as all counsellors should be, not easily flustered, or 
taken by surprise. The governor, looking around 
for a moment with a lofty and soldier-like air, and 
resting one hand on the pummel of his sword, and 
flinging the other forth in a free and spirited manner, 
addressed them in a short, but soul-stirring harangue. 

I am extremely sorry that I have not the advan- 
tages of Livy, Thucydides, Plutarch, and others of my 
predecessors, who are furnished, as I am told, with 
the speeches of all their great emperors, generals, 
and orators, taken down in short-hand, by the most 
accurate stenographers of the. time ; whereby they 
were enabled wonderfully to enrich their histories, 
and delight their readers with sublime strains of elo- 
quence. Not having such important auxiliaries, I 
cannot possibly pronounce what was the tenor of 
Governor Stuyvesant's speech. I am bold, however, 
to say, from the tenor of his character, that he did 
not wrap his rugged subject in silks and ermines, and 
other sickly trickeries of phrase ; but spoke forth, 
like a man of nerve and vigour, who scorned to shrink 
in words, from those dangers which he stood ready 
to encounter in very deed. This much is certain, 



84 PREPARATION FOR WAR. 

that he concluded by annoufting his determination 
of leading on his troops in person, and routing these 
costardmonger Swedes from their usurped quarters, 
at Fort Casimir. To this hardy resolution such of 
his council as were awake gave their usual signal of 
concurrence, and as to the rest who had fallen 
asleep about the middle of the harangue, (their 
" usual custom in the afternoon") — they made not 
the least objection. 

And now was seen in the fair city of New-Am- 
sterdam, a prodigious bustle and preparation for iron 
war. Recruiting parties marched hither and thither, 
calling lustily upon all the scrubs, the runagates, and 
tatterdemalions of the Manhattoes and its vicinity, 
who had any ambitioti of six-pence a day, and im- 
mortal fame into the bargain, to enhst in the cause of 
glory. For I would haTC you note that your war- 
like heroes who trudge in the rear of conquerors, are 
generally of that illustrious class of gentlemen, who 
are equal candidates for the army or the bridewell — 
the halberts or the whipping-post — for whom dame 
Fortune has cast an even die, whether they shall 
make their exit by the sword or the halter — and 
whose deaths shall, at all events, be a lofty exampl 
to their countrymen. 

But notwithstanding all this martial rout and invi- 
tation, the ranks of honour were but scantily suppli- 
ed ; so averse were the peaceful burghers of New- 
Amsterdam from enlisting in foreign broils, or stirring 
beyond that home which rounded all their earthly 
ideas. Upon beholding this, the great Peter, whose 



PETER ASCENDS THE HUDSON. 85 

noble heart was all on fire with war and sweet re- 
venge, determined to wait no longer for the tardy as- 
sistance of these oily citizens, but to muster up his 
merry men of the Hudson ; who, brought up a nong 
woods and wilds and savage beasts, like our yeomen 
of Kentucky, delighted in nothing so much as despe- 
rate adventures and perilous expeditioiiL t /^ugh the 
wilderness. Thus resolving, he ordered his trusty 
squire, Antony Van Corlear, to have his state galley 
prepared and duly victualled ; which being perform- 
ed, he attended public service at the great church of 
St. Nicholas, like a true and pious governor, and then 
leaving peremptory orders with his council to have 
the chivalry of the Manhattoes marshalled out and 
appointed against his return, departed upon his re- 
cruiting voyage, up the waters of the Hudson. 



Vol. II. H 



( 86 ) 



CHAPTER III. 

Containing Peter Stuyvesanfs voyage up the Hudson^ 
and the wonders and delights of that renowned 
river. 

Now did the soft breezes of the south steal sweetly 
over the beauteous face of nature, tempering the 
panting heats of summer into genial and prolific 
warmth — when that miracle of hardihood and chiv- 
alric virtue, the dauntless Peter Stuyvesant, spread 
his canvas to the wind, and departed from the fair 
island 6f Manna-hata. The galley in which he em- 
barked was sumptuously adorned with pendants and 
streamers of gorgeous dyes, which fluttered gayly in 
the wind, or drooped their ends in the bosom of the 
stream. The bow and poop of this majestic vessel 
were gallantly bedight, after the rarest Dutch fashion, 
with figures of little pursy Cupids with periwigs on 
their heads, and bearing in their hands garlands of 
flowers, the like of which are not to be found in any 
book of botany ; being the matchless flowers which 
flourished in the golden age, and exist no longer, 
unless it be in the imaginations of ingenious carvers 
of wood and discolourers of canvas. 

Thus rarely decorated, in style befitting the state 
of the puissant potentate of the Manhattoes, did th^ 
galley of Peter Stuyvesant launch forth upon the 
bosom of the lordly Hudson ; which, as it rolled its 



VOYAGE UP THE HUDSON. 87 

broad waves to the ocean, seemed to pause for a 
while, and swell with pride, as if conscious of the 
illustrious burthen it sustained. 

But trust me, gentlefolk, far other was the scene 
presented to the contemplation of the crew, from 
that which may be witnessed at this degenerate day. 
IVildness and savage majesty reigned on the borders 
of this mighty river — the hand of cultivation had 
not as yet laid down the dark forests, and tamed the 
features of the landscape — nor had the frequent sail 
of commerce yet broken in upon the profound and 
awful solitude of ages. Here and there might be 
seen a rude wigwam perched among the cliffs of the 
mountains, with its curling column of smoke mount- 
ing in the transparent atmosphere — but so loftily 
situated, that the whoopings of the savage children, 
gambolling on the margin of the dizzy heights, fell 
almost as faintly on the ear, as do the notes of the 
lark, when lost in the azure vault of heaven. Now 
and then, from the beetling brow of some rocky 
precipice, the wild deer would look timidly down 
upon the splendid pageant as it passed below ; and 
then, tossing his branching antlers in the air, would 
bound away into the thickets of the forest. 

Through such scenes did the stately vessel of Peter 
Stuyvesant pass. Now did they skirt the bases of 
the rocky heights of Jersey, which spring up like 
everlasting walls, reaching from the waves unto the 
heavens ; and were fashioned, if traditions may be 
believed, in times long past, by the mighty spirit 
Manetho, to protect his favourite abodes from the 



88 DELIGHTFUL SCENERY. 

unhallowed eyes of mortals. Now did they career it 
gayly across the vast expanse of Tappan Bay, whose 
wide extended shores present a vast variety of delec- 
table scenery — here the bold promontory, crowned 
with embowering trees, advancing into the bay — 
there the long woodland slope, sweeping up from the 
shore in rich luxuriance, and terminating in the up- 
land precipice — while at a distance a long waving 
line of rocky heights threw their gigantic shades 
across the water. Now would they pass where some 
modest little interval, opening among these stupen- 
dous scenes, yet retreating as it were for protection 
into the embraces of the neighbouring mountains, 
displayed a rural paradise, fraught with sweet and 
pastoral beauties ; the velvet-tufted lawn — the bushy 
copse — the tinkling rivulet, stealing through the fresh 
and vivid verdure — on whose banks was situated 
some little Indian village, or, peradventure, the rude 
cabin of some solitary hunter. 

The different periods of the revolving day seemed 
each, with cunning magic, to diffuse a different charm 
over the scene. Nov/ would the jovial sun break 
gloriously from the east, blazing from the summits 
of the hills, and sparkling the landscape with a thou- 
sand dewy gems ; while along the borders of the 
river were seen heavy masses of mist, which like 
midnight caitiffs, disturbed at his approach, made a 
sluggish retreat, rolling in sullen reluctance up the 
mountains. At such times, all was brightness and 
life and gayety — the atmosphere seemed of an in- 
describable pureness and transparency — the birds 



A TWILIGHT SCENE. 89 

broke forth in wanton madrigals, and the freshening 
breezes wafted the vessel merrily on her course. 
But when the sun sunk amid a flood of glory in the 
west, mantling the heavens and the earth with a 
thousand gorgeous dyes — then all was calm, and si- 
lent, and magnificent. The late swelling sail hung 
lifelessly against the mast — the seamen with folded 
arms leaned against the shrouds, lost in that invol- 
untary musing which the sober grandeur of nature 
commands in the rudest of her children. The vast 
bosom of the Hudson, v^^as like an unruffled mirror, 
reflecting the golden splendour of the heavens, ex- 
cepting that now and then a bark canoe would steal 
across its surface, filled with painted savages, whose 
gay feathers glared brightly, as perchance a lingering 
ray of the setting sun gleamed upon them from the 
western mountains. 

But when the hour of twilight spread its magic 
mists around, then did the face of nature assume 
a thousand fugitive charms, which, to the worthy 
heart that seeks enjoyment in the glorious works of 
its Maker, are inexpressibly captivating. The mel- 
low dubious light that prevailed, just served to tinge 
with illusive colours, the softened features of the 
scenery. The deceived but delighted eye sought 
vainly to discern, in the broad masses of shade, the 
separating Hne between the land and water ; or to 
distinguish the fading objects that seemed sinking into 
chaos. Now did the busy fancy supply the feeble- 
ness of vision, producing with industrious craft a 
fairy creation of her own. Under her plastic wand, 
H2 



90 AWFUL DEFILES. 

the barren rocks frowned upon the watery waste, in 
the semblance of lofty towers and high embattled 
castles — trees assumed the direful forms of mighty 
giants, and the inaccessible summits of the mountains 
seemed peopled with a thousand shadowy beings. 

Now broke forth from the shores the notes of an 
innumerable variety of insects, which filled the air 
with a strange but not inharmonious concert — while 
ever and anon was heard the melancholy plaint of 
the whip-poor-will, who, perched on some lone tree, 
wearied the ear of night with his incessant moanings. 
The mind, soothed into a hallowed melancholy, 
listened with pensive stillness to catch and distinguish 
each sound that vaguely echoed from the shore — now 
and then startled perchance by the whoop of some 
straggling savage, or the dreary howl of a wolf, 
stealing forth upon his nightly prowlings. 

Thus happily did they pursue their course, until 
they entered upon those awful defiles denominated 
The Highlands, where it would seem that the gi- 
gantic Titans had erst waged their impious war with 
heaven, piling up cliffs on cliffs, and hurling vast 
masses of rock in wild confusion. But in sooth, very 
diflferent is the history of these cloud-capt mountains. 
— These in ancient days, before the Hudson poured 
his waters from the lakes, formed one vast prison, 
within whose rocky bosom the omnipotent Manetho 
confined the rebellious spirits who repined at his con- 
trol. Here, bound in adamantine chains, or jammed 
in rifted pines, or crushed by ponderous rocks, they 
groaned for many an age. At length the conquering 



CLAMOUR OF SPIRITS. 91 

Hudson, in his irresistible career towards the ocean, 
burst open their prison-house, rolling his tide triumph- 
antly through its stupendous ruins. 

Still, however, do many of them lurk about their 
old abodes ; and these it is, according to venerable 
legends, that cause the echoes which resound through- 
out these awful solitudes ; which are nothing but 
their angry clamours, when any noise disturbs the 
profoundness of their repose. For when the elements 
are agitated by tempest, when the winds are up and 
the thunder rolls, then horrible is the yelling and 
howling of these troubled spirits, making the moun- 
tains to rebellow with their hideous uproar ; for at 
such times, it is said, they think the great Manetho 
is returning once more to plunge them in gloomy 
caverns, and renew their intolerable captivity. 

But all these fair and glorious scenes were lost 
upon the gallant Stuyvesant; nought occupied his 
mind but thoughts of iron war, and proud anticipa- 
tions of hardy deeds of arms. Neither did his honest 
crew trouble their vacant heads with any romantic 
speculations of the kind. The pilot at the helm 
quietly smoked his pipe, thinking of nothing either 
past, present, or to come — those of his comrades who 
were not industriously snoring under the hatches were 
listening with open mouths to Antony Van Corlear ; 
who, seated on the windlass, was relating to them 
the marvellous history of those myriads of fire-flies, 
that sparkled like gems and spangles upon the dusky 
robe of night. These, according to tradition, were 
originally a race of pestilent sempiternous beldames, 



92 VAN CORLEAR KILLS A STURGEON 

who peopled these parts long before the memory of 
man ; being of that abominated race emphatically 
called brimstones ; and who, for their innumerable 
sins against the children of men, and to furnish an 
awful warning to the beauteous sex, were doomed 
to infest the earth in the shape of these threatening 
and terrible little bugs ; enduring the internal tor- 
ments of that fire, which they formerly carried in their 
hearts and breathed forth in their words ; but now 
are sentenced to bear about for ever — in their tails. 
And now am I going to tell a fact, which I doubt 
much my readers will hesitate to believe ; but if they 
do, they are welcome not to believe a word in this 
whole history, for nothing which it contains is more 
true. It must be known then that the nose of Antony 
the trumpeter was of a very lusty size, strutting 
boldly from his countenance like a mountain of Gol- 
conda; being sumptuously bedecked with rubies and 
other precious stones — the true regalia of a king of 
good fellows, which jolly Bacchus grants to all who 
bouse it heartily at the flagon. Now thus it happened, 
that bright and early in the morning, the good Antony 
having washed his burly visage, was leaning over the 
quarter-railing of the galley, contemplating it in the 
glassy wave below — just at this moment, the illustrious 
sun, breaking in all his splendour from behind one of 
the high bluffs of the Highlands, did dart one of his 
most potent beams full upon the refulgent nose of 
the sounder of brass — the reflection of which shot 
straightway down, hissing hot, into the water, and 
killed a mighty sturgeon that was sporting beside the 



BY THE REFLECTION OF HIS NOSE. 93 

vessel ! This huge monster being with infinite labour 
hoisted on board, furnished a luxurious repast to all 
the crew, being accounted of excellent flavour, ex- 
cepting about the wound, where it smacked a little 
of brimstone — and this, on my veracity, was the first 
time that ever sturgeon was eaten in these parts by 
Christian people.* 

When this astonishing miracle came to be made 
known to Peter Stuy vesant, and that he tasted of the 
unknovvii n^ifjiie, as may well be supposed, marvelled 
exceedingly; and as a monument thereof, he gave 
the name of Antonij''s Nose to a stout promontory in 
the neighbourhood — and it has continued to be called 
Antony's Nose ever since that time. » 

But hold — Whither am I wandering? — By the 
mass, if I attempt to accompany the good Peter 
Stuyvesant on this voyage, I shall never make an 
end, for never was there a voyage so fraught with 
marvellous incidents, nor a river so abounding with 
transcendent beauties, worthy of being severally re- 
corded. Even now I have it on the point of my pen 
to relate, how his crew were most horribly frightened, 
on going on shore above the highlands, by a gang of 
merry, roistering devils, frisking and curveting on a 
huge flat rock, which projected into the river — and 
which is called the DuyvtVs Dans-Kamer to this 

* The learned Hans Megapolensis, treating of the country 
about Albany, in a letter which was written some time after 
the settlement thereof, says, " There is in the river great 
plenty of Sturgeon, which we Christians do not make use of; 
but the Indians eat them greedilie." 



94 PETER IN THE CARE OF ST. NICHOLAS. 

very day. — But no ! Diedrich Knickerbocker — it be- 
comes thee not to idle thus in thy historic wayfaring. 

Recollect that while dwelling with the fond gar- 
rulity of age over these fairy scenes, endeared to thee 
by the recollections of thy youth, and the charms of 
a thousand legendary tales which beguiled the simple 
ear of thy childhood ; recollect that thou art trifling 
with those fleeting moments which should be devoted 
to loftier themes. — Is not Time — relentless Time ! — 
shaking, with palsied hand, his almost exhausted 
hour-glass before thee ? — hasten then to pursue thy 
weary task, lest the last sands be run, ere thou hast 
finished thy history of the Manhattoes. 

Let us then commit the dauntless Peter, his brave 
galley, and his loyal crew, to the protection of the 
blessed St. Nicholas ; who I have no doubt will pros- 
per him in his voyage, while we await his return at 
the great city of New-Amsterdam. 



( 95 ) 



CHAPTER IV. 

Describing the powerful army that assembled at the 
city of New-Amsterdam — together with the inter- 
view between Peter the Headstrong, and General 
Van Poffenburgh, and Peter'^s sentiments touching 
unfortunate great men. 

While thus the enterprising Peter was coasting, 
with flowing sail, up the shores of the lordly Hudson, 
and arousing all the phlegmatic little Dutch settle- 
ments upon its borders, a great and puissant con- 
course of warriors was assembling at the city of New- 
Amsterdam. And here that invaluable fragment of 
antiquity, the Stuyvesant manuscript, is more than 
commonly particular ; by which means I am enabled 
to record the illustrious host that encamped itself in 
the public square in front of the fort, at present de- 
nominated the Bowling-Green. 

In the centre, then, was pitched the tent of the 
men of battle of the Manhattoes, who being the in- 
mates of the metropolis, composed the life-guards of 
the governor. These were commanded by the valiant 
Stoffel BrinkerhofF, who whilom had acquired such 
immortal fame at Oyster Bay — they displayed as 
a standard, a beaver rampant on a field of orange ; 
being the arms of the province, and denoting the 



96 STANDARDS OF I'HE CAPTAINS. 

persevering industry and the amphibious origin of 
the Nederlanders.* 

On their right hand might be seen the vassals of 
that renowned Mynheer, Michael Paw,t who lorded 
it over the fair regions of ancient Pavonia, and the 
lands away south, even unto the Navesink moun- 
tains,! and was moreover patroon of Gibbet Island. 
His standard was borne by his trusty squire, Cornelius 
Van Vorst; consisting of a huge oyster recumbent 
upon a sea-green field; being the armorial bearings of 
his favourite metropolis, Communipaw. He brought 
to the camp a stout»force of warriors, heavily armed, 
being each clad in ten pair of linsey-woolsey breeches, 
and overshadowed by broad-brimmed beavers, with 
short pipes twisted in their hat-bands. These were 
the men who vegetated in the mud along the shores 
of Pavonia ; being of the race of genuine copper- 
heads, and were fabled to have sprung from oysters. 

* This was likewise the great seal of the New -Netherlands, 
as may still be seen in ancient records. 

f Besides what is related in the Stuyvesant MS., I have 
found mention made of this illustrious Patroon in another man- 
uscript, which says: " De Heer (or the squire) Michael Paw, 
a Dutch subject, about 10th Aug. 1630, by deed purchased 
Staten Island. N. B. The same Michael Paw had what the 
Dutch call a colonic at Pavonia, on the Jersey shore, opposite 
New-York, and his overseer, in 1636, was named Corns. Van 
Vorst — a person of the same name in 1769 owned Powles Hook, 
and a large farm at Pavonia, and is a lineal descendant from 
Van Vorst." 

X So called from the Navesink tribe of Indians that inhabited 
these parts — at present they are erroneously denominated the 
Neversink, or Neversunk mountains. 



THE SUY DAMS AND THE VAN DAMS. 97 

At a little distance was encamped the tribe of 
warriors who came from the neigbourhood of Hell- 
gate. These were commanded by the Suy Dams, 
and the Van Dams, incontinent hard swearers, as 
their names betoken — they were terrible-looking fel- 
lows, clad in broad-skirted gaberdines, of that curious 
coloured cloth called thunder and lightning — and 
bore as a standard three Devil's-darning-needles, 
volant^ in a flame-coloured field. 

Hard by was the tent of the men of battle from 
the marshy borders of the Waale-Boght* and the 
country thereabouts — these were of a sour aspect by 
reason that they lived on crabs, which abound in 
these parts. They were the first institutors of that 
honourable order of knighthood, called Fly market 
shirks^ and, if tradition speak true, did likewise in- 
troduce the far-famed step in dancing, called " double 
trouble." They were commanded by the fearless 
Jacobus Varra Vanger, and had moreover a jolly 
band of Breuckelent ferry-men, who performed a 
brave concerto on conch-shells. 

But I refrain from pursuing this minute description, 
which goes on to describe the warriors of Bloemen- 
dael, and Wee-hawk, and Hoboken, and sundry other 
places, well known in history and song — for now 
does the sound of martial music alarm the people of 
New-Amsterdam, sounding afar from beyond the walls 

* Since corrupted into the Wallahout ; the bay where the 
Navy-Yard is situated, 
f Now spelt Brooklyn. 
Vol. II. I 



d6 PETER RECOGNISED. 

of the city. But this alarm was in a little while re- 
lieved ; for lo, from the midst of a vast cloud of dust, 
they recognised the brimstone-coloured breeches, and 
iplendid silver leg, of Peter Stuyvesant, glaring in the 
sunbeams ; and beheld him approaching at the head 
of a formidable army, which he had mustered along 
the banks of the Hudson. And here the excellent, 
but anonymous writer of the Stuyvesant manuscript, 
breaks out into a brave and glorious description of 
the forces, as they defiled through the principal gate 
of the city, that stood by the head of Wall-street. 

First of all came the Van Bummels, whoinhabit 
the pleasant borders of the Bronx — these were short 
fat men, wearing exceeding large trunk breeches, and 
are renowned for feats of the trencher — they were 
the first inventors of suppawn or mush-and-milk — 
Close in their rear marched the Van Vlotens, of 
Kaatskill, most horrible quafFers of new cider, and 
arrant braggarts in their liquor — After them came 
the Van Pelts, of Groodt Esopus, dexterous horse- 
men, mounted upon goodly switch-tailed steeds of the 
Esopus breed — these were mighty hunters of minks 
and musk-rats, whence came the word Peltry — Then 
the Van Nests, of Kinderhook, valiant robbers o 
birds' nests, as their name denotes ; to these, if report 
may be believed, are we indebted for the invention 
of slap-jacks, or buckwheat cakes — Then the Van 
Higginbottoms, of Wapping's creek ; these came 
armed with ferules and birchen rods, being a race of 
schoolmasters, who first discovered the marvellous 
sympathy between the seat of honour and the seat of 



VAN GROLLS, GARDINEERS, VAN HOESENS, &c. 99 

intellect, and that the shortest way to get knowledge 
into the head, was to hammer it into the bottom — 
Then the Van Grolls of Antony's Nose, who carried 
their liquor in fair round little pottles, by reason they 
could not bouse it out of their canteens, having such 
rare long noses — Then the Gardeniers, of Hudson 
and thereabouts, distinguished by many triumphant 
feats, such as robbing water-melon patches, smoking 
rabbits out of their holes, and the like ; and by being 
great lovers of roasted pig's tails ; these were the an- 
cestors of the renowned congressman of that name — 
Then the Van Hoesens, of Sing-Sing, great choristers 
and players upon the jews-harp ; these marched two 
and two, singing the great song of St. Nicholas — 
Then the Couenhovens, of Sleepy Hollow; these 
gave birth to a jolly race of publicans, who first dis- 
covered the magic artifice of conjuring a quart of 
wine into a pint bottle — Then the Van Kortlandts, 
who Hved on the wild banks of the Croton, and were 
great killers of wild ducks, being much spoken of for 
their skill in shooting with the long bow — Then the 
Van Bunschotens, of Nyack and Kakiat, who were 
the first that did ever kick with the left foot ; they 
were gallant bush-whackers and hunters of raccoons 
by moonlight — Then the Van Winkles, of Haerlem, 
potent suckers of eggs, and noted for running of 
horses, and running up of scores at taverns ; they 
were the first that ever winked with both eyes at 
once — Lastly came the Knickerbockers, of the 
great town of Schaghticoke, where the folk lay stones 
upon the houses in windy weather, lest they should 



100 RETURN OF VAN POFFENBURGH. 

be blown away. These derive their name, as some 
say, from Knicker, to shake, and Beker, a goblet, in- 
dicating thereby that they were sturdy toss-pots of 
yore ; but, in truth, it was derived from Knicker, to 
nod, and Boeken, books ; plainly meaning that they 
were great nodders or dozers over books — from them 
did descend the writer of this history. 

Such was the legion of sturdy bush-beaters that 
poured in at the grand gate of New-Amsterdam ; the 
Stuyvesant manuscript indeed speaks of many more, 
whose names 1 omit to mention, seeing that it be- 
hoves me to hasten to matters of greater moment. 
Nothing could surpass the joy and martial pride of 
the lion-hearted Peter, as he reviewed this mighty 
host of warriors, and he determined no longer to de- 
fer the gratification of his much-wisiied-for revenge, 
upon the scoundrel Swedes at Fort Casimir. 

But before I hasten to record those unmatchable 
events, which will be found in the sequel of this 
faithful history, let me pause to notice the fate of 
Jacobus Van Poffenburgh, the discomfited com- 
mander-in-chief of the armies of the New-Nether- 
lands. Such is the inherent uncharitableness of hu- 
man nature, that scarcely did the news become 
public of his deplorable discomfiture at Fort Casi- 
mir, than a thousand scurvy rumours were set afloat 
in New-Amsterdam, wherein it was insinuated, that 
he had in reality a treacherous understanding with 
the Swedish commander ; that he had long been in 
the practice of privately communicating v^^ith the 
Swedes ; together with divers hints about " secret 



HIS VALOROUS VAPOURINGS. 101 

service money :" — to all which deadly charges I do 
not give a jot more credit than I think they deserve. 

Certain it is, that the general vindicated his char- 
acter by the most vehement oaths and protestations, 
and put every man out of the ranks of honour who 
dared to doubt his integrity. Moreover, on returning 
to New-Amsterdam, he paraded up and down the 
streets with a crew of hard swearers at his heels — 
sturdy bottle companions, whom he gorged and fat- 
tened, and who were ready to bolster him through 
all the courts of justice — heroes of his own kidney, 
fierce-whiskered, broad-shouldered, colbrand-looking 
swaggerers — not one of whom but looked as though 
he could eat up an ox, and pick his teeth with the 
horns. These life-guard men quarrelled all his quar- 
rels, were ready to fight all his battles, and scowled 
at every man that turned up his nose at the general, 
as though they would devour him alive. Their con- 
versation was interspersed with oaths like minute- 
guns, and every bombastic rodomontado was rounded 
off by a thundering execration, like a patriotic toast 
honoured with a discharge of artillery. 

All these valorous vapou rings had a considerable 
effect in convincing certain profound sages, many of 
whom began to think the general a hero of unutter- 
able loftiness and magnanimity of soul, particularly 
as he was continually protesting on the honour of a 
soldier — a marvellously high-sounding asseveration. 
Nay, one of the members of the council went so 
far as to propose they should immortalize him by an 
imperishable statue of plaster oi Paris. 
12 



1 02 PETER'S ADVICE TO VAN POFFENBURGH. 

But the vigilant Peter the Headstrong was not thus 
to be deceived. — Sending privately for the com- 
mander-in-chief of all the armies, and having heard 
all his story, garnished with the customary pious 
oaths, protestations, and ejaculations — " Harkee, com- 
rade," cried he, " though by your own account you 
are the most brave, upright, and honourable man in 
the whole province, yet do you lie under the misfor- 
tune of being damnably, traduced, and immeasurably 
despised. Now, though it is certainly hard to punish 
a man for his misfortunes, and though it is very pos- 
sible you are totally innocent of the crimes laid to 
your charge, yet as Heaven, at present, doubtless for 
some wise purpose, sees fit to withhold all proofs of 
your innocence, far be it from me to counteract its 
soveieign will. Besides, I cannot consent to venture 
my armies with a commander whom they despise, or 
to trust the welfare of my people to a champion 
whom they distrust. Retire, therefore, my friend, 
from the irksome toils and cares of public life, with 
this comforting reflection — that if guilty, you are but 
enjoying your just reward — and if innocent, you are 
not the first great and good man who has most wrong- 
fully been slandered and maltreated in this wicked 
world — doubtless to be better treated in a better 
world, where there shall be neither error, calumny, 
nor persecution. In the mean time let me never see 
your face again, for I have a horrible antipathy to the 
countenances of unfortunate great men like yourself," 



( 103 ) 



CHAPTER V. 

In which the Author discourses very ingenuously of 
himself — after which is to he found much interest- 
ing history about Peter the Headstrong and his fol- 
lowers. 

As my readers and myself are about entering on 
as many perils as ever a confederacy of meddlesome 
knights-errant wilfully ran their heads into, it is meet 
that, like those hardy adventurers, we should join 
hands, bury all differences, and swear to stand by 
one another, in weal or woe, to the end of the enter- 
prise. My readers must doubtless perceive, how 
completely I have altered my tone and deportment, 
since we first set out together. I warrant they then 
thought me a crabbed, cynical, impertinent httle son 
of a Dutchman ; for I scarcely ever gave them a 
civil word, nor so much as touched my beaver, when 
I had occasion to address them. But as we jogged 
along together, in the high-road of my history, I grad- 
ually began to relax, to grow more courteous, and 
occasionally to enter into familiar discourse, until at 
length I came to conceive a most social, companion- 
able, kind regard for them. This is just my way — 
I am always a little cold and reserved at first, par- 
ticularly to people whom I neither know nor care 
for, and am only to be completely won by long inti- 
macy. 



104 THE AUTHOR' INGENUOUS 

Besides, why should I have been sociable to the 
crowd of how-d'ye-do acquaintances, that flocked 
around me at my first appearance ? Many were merely 
attracted by a new face ; and having stared me full 
in the title-page, walked off without saying a word ; 
while others lingered yawningly through the preface, 
and having gratified their short-lived curiosity, soon 
dropped off one by one. But more especially to try 
their mettle, I had recourse to an expedient, similar 
to one which we are told was used by that peerless 
flower of chivalry. King Arthur; who, before he ad- 
mitted any knight to his intimacy, first required that 
he should show himself superior to danger or hard- 
ships, by encountering unheard-of mishaps, slaying 
some dozen giants, vanquishing wicked enchanters, 
not to say a word of dwarfs, hippogriffs, and fiery 
dragons. On a similar principle, I cunningly led my 
readers, at the first sally, into two or three knotty 
chapters, where they were most wofully belaboured 
and buffeted, by a host of pagan philosophers and in- 
fidel writers. Though naturally a very grave man, 
yet could I scarce refrain from smiling outright at 
seeing the utter confusion and dismay of my valiant 
cavaliers — some dropped down dead (asleep) on the 
field ; others threw down my book in the middle of 
the first chapter, took to their heels, and never ceased 
scampering until they had fairly run it out of sight ; 
when they stopped to take breath, to tell their friends 
what troubles they had undergone, and to warn all 
others from venturing on so thankless an expedition. 
Every page thinned my ranks more and more ; and 



DISCOURSE OF HIMSELF. 105 

of the vast multitude that first set out, but a com- 
paratively few made shift to survive, in exceedingly 
battered condition, through the five introductory 
chapters. 

What, then ! would you have had me take such 
sunshine, faint-hearted recreants to my bosom at our 
first acquaintance? No — no; I reserved my friend- 
ship for those who deserved it, for those who un- 
dauntedly bore me company, in despite of difiiculties, 
dangers, and fatigues. And now, as to those who 
adhere to me at present, I take them affectionately 
by the hand — Worthy and thrice beloved readers ! 
brave and well-tried comrades ! who have faithfully 
followed my footsteps through all my wanderings — I 
salute you from my heart — I pledge myself to stand 
by you to the last ; and to conduct you (so Heaven 
speed this trusty weapon which I now hold between 
my fingers) triumphantly to the end of this our stu- 
pendous undertaking. 

But hark ! while we are thus talking, the city of 
New-Amsterdam is in a bustle. The host of warriors 
encamped in the Bowhng-Green are striking their 
tents ; the brazen trumpet of Antony Van Corlear 
makes the welkin to resound with portentous clangour 
— the drums beat — the standards of the Manhattoes, 
of Hell-gate, and of Michael Paw, wave proudly in 
the air. And now behold where the mariners are 
busily employed hoisting the sails of yon topsail 
schooner, and those clump-built sloops, which are 
to waft the army of the Nederlanders to gather im- 
mortal honours on the Delaware ! 



106 THE EXPEDITION EMBARKS. 

The entire population of the city, man, woman, 
and child, turned out to behold the chivalry of New- 
Amsterdam, as it paraded the streets previous to em- 
barkation. Many a handkerchief was waved out at 
the windows ; many a fair nose was blown in melo- 
dious sorrow, on the mournful occasion. The grief 
of the fair dames and beauteous damsels of Grenada 
could not have been more vociferous on the ban- 
ishment of the gallant tribe of Abencerrages, than 
was that of the kind-hearted fair ones of New- 
Amsterdam on the departure of their intrepid war- 
riors. Every love-sick maiden fondly crammed the 
pockets of her hero with gingerbread and dough-nuts 
— many a copper ring was exchanged and crooked 
sixpence broken, in pledge of eternal constancy — 
and there remain extant to this day some love verses 
written on that occasion, sufficiently crabbed and in- 
comprehensible to confound the whole universe. 

But it was a moving sight to see the buxom lasses, 
how they hung about the doughty Antony Van Cor- 
lear — for he was a jolly, rosy-faced, lusty bachelor, 
fond of his joke, and withal a desperate rogue among 
the women. Fain would they have kept him to 
comfort them while the army was away ; for besides 
what I have said of him, it is no more than justice to 
add, that he was a kind-hearted soul, noted for his 
benevolent attentions in comforting disconsolate wives 
during the absence of their husbands — and this made 
him to be very much regarded by the honest burgh- 
ers of the city. But nothing could keep the vahant 
Antony from following the heels of the old governor, 



POPULAftIT- oy PK . '-F M ► ^ 

whom he loved as he did 

ing all the young vrouws, anu ^ jj'g everyone ui 
them that had good teeth and rosy lips, a cioz,c;: ^•■--^riv 
smacks, he departed loaded with their kind wishes. 

Nor was the departure of the gallant Peter among 
the least causes of public distress. Though the old 
governor was by no means indulgent to the follies 
and waywardness of his subjects, yet some how or 
other he had become strangely popular among the 
people.- There is something so captivating in personal 
bravery, that, with the common mass of mankind, it 
takes the lead of most other merits. The simple 
folk of New-Amsterdam looked upon Peter Stuy- 
vesant as a prodigy of valour. His wooden leg, that 
trophy of his martial encounter, was regarded with 
reverence and admiration. Every old burgher had 
a budget of miraculous stories to tell about the ex- 
ploits of Hardkopping Piet, wherewith he regaled 
his children of a long winter night ; and on which 
he dwelt with as much delight and exaggeration, as 
do our honest country yeomen on the hardy adven- 
tures of old General Putnam (or as he is familiarly 
termed. Old Put) during our glorious revolution. 
Not an individual but verily believed the old gov- 
ernor was a match for Belzebub himself ; and there 
was even a story told, with great mystery, and under 
the rose, of his having shot the devil with a silver 
bullet, one dark stormy night, as he was sailing in a 
canoe through Hell-gate — But this I do not record 
as being an absolute fact — perish the man who would 
let fall a drop to discolour the pure stream of history ! 



tOft ins f:^TfeIARCH A L ADDRESS. 

Certdin it is, not an old woman in New-Amsterdam 
''>ux considered Peter Stuyvesant as a tower of strength, 
and rested satisfied that the pubUc welfare was secure 
so long as he was in the city. It is not surprising then 
that they looked upon his departure as a sore affliction. 
With heavy hearts they dragged at the heels of his 
troop, as they marched down to the river side to 
embark. The governor, from the stern of his schooner, 
gave a short, but truly patriarchal address to his cit- 
izens ; wherein he recommended them to comport 
Hke loyal and peaceable subjects — to go to church 
regularly on Sundays, and to mind their business all 
the week besides — That the women should be dutiful 
and affectionate to their husbands — looking after no- 
body's concerns but their own : eschewing all gos- 
sipings and morning gaddings — and carrying short 
tongues and long petticoats — That the men should 
abstain from intermeddling in public concerns, in- 
trusting the cares of government to the officers ap- 
pointed to support them — staying at home like good 
citizens, making money for themselves, and getting 
children for the benefit of their country. That the 
burgomasters should look well to the public interest 
— not oppressing the poor, nor indulging the rich— 
not tasking their sagacity to devise new laws, but 
faithfully enforcing those which were already made 
— rather bending their attention to prevent evil than 
to punish it ; ever recollecting that civil magistrates 
should consider themselves more as guardians of 
public morals, than rat-catchers employed to entrap 
public delinquents. Finally, he exhorted them, one 



FINAL DEPARTURE OF THE ARMADA- 109 

and all, high and low, rich and poor, to conduct 
themselves as well as they could ^ assuring them that 
if they faithfully and conscientiously complied with 
this golden rule, there was no danger but that they 
would all conduct themselves well enough. — This 
done, he gave them a paternal benediction ; the 
sturdy Antony sounded a most loving farewell with 
his trumpet, the jolly crews put up a shout of triumph, 
and the invincible armada swept off proudly down 
the bay. 

The good people of New-Amsterdam crowded 
down to the Battery — that blest resort, from whence 
so many a tender prayer has been wafted, so many a 
fair hand waved, so many a tearful look been cast by 
love-sick damsels, after the lessening bark, bearing 
her adventurous swain to distant climes. Here the 
populace watched with straining eyes the gallant 
squadron, as it slowly floated down the bay, and 
when the intervening land at the Narrows shut it 
from their sight, gradually dispersed with silent 
tongues and downcast countenances. 

A heavy gloom hung over the late bustling city — 
The honest burghers smoked their pipes in profound 
thoughtful ness, casting many a wistful look to the 
weathercock, on the church of Saint Nicholas ; and 
all the old women, having no longer the presence of 
Peter Stuyvesant to hearten them, gathered their 
children home, and barricadoed the doors and win- 
dows every evening at sun-down. 

In the meanwhile, the armada of the sturdy Peter 
proceeded prosperously on its voyage, and after en- 

VoL. II. K 



no IT ARRIVES IN THE DELAWARE. 

countering about as many storms, and waterspouts, 
and whales, and other horrors and phenomena, as 
generally befall adventurous landsmen, in perilous 
voyages of the kind ; and after undergoing a severe 
scouring from that deplorable and unpitied malady 
called sea-sickness, the whole squadron arrived safely 
in the Delaware. 

Without so much as dropping anchor and giving 
his wearied ships time to breathe after labouring so 
long in the ocean, the intrepid Peter pursued his 
course up the Delaware, and made a sudden appear- 
ance before Fort Casimir. — Having summoned the 
astonished garrison by a terrific blast from the trum- 
pet of the long-winded Van Corlear, he demanded 
in a tone of thunder an instant surrender of the fort* 
To this demand, Suen Scutz, the wind- dried com- 
mandant, rephed in a shrill, whiffling voice, which, 
by reason of his extreme spareness, sounded like the 
wind whistling through a broken bellows — " that he 
had no very strong reasons for refusing, except that 
the demand was particularly disagreeable, as he had 
been ordered to maintain his post to the last extrem- 
ity." He requested time, therefore, to consult with 
Governor Risingh, and proposed a truce for that 
purpose. 

The choleric Peter, indignant at having his right- 
ful fort so treacherously taken from him, and thus 
pertinaciously withheld, refused the proposed armis- 
tice, and swore by the pipe of St. Nicholas, which 
like the sacred fire was never extinguished, that un- 
less the fort were surrendered in ten minutes, he 



PETER ATTACKS FORT CASIMIR. 1 1 1 

would incontinently storm the works, make all the 
garrison run the gauntlet, and split their scoundrel 
of a commander like a pickled shad. To give this 
menace the greater effect, he drew forth his trusty 
sword, and shook it at them with such a fierce and 
vigorous motion, that doubtless if it had not been ex- 
ceeding rusty, it would have lightened terror into the 
eyes and hearts of the enemy. He then ordered his 
men to bring a broadside to bear upon the fort, con- 
sisting of two swivels, three muskets, a long duck 
fowling-piece, and two brace of horse-pistols. 

In the mean time, the sturdy Van Corlear mar- 
shalled all his forces, and commenced his warlike 
operations. Distending his cheeks like a very Boreas, 
he kept up a most horrific twanging of his trumpet 
— the lusty choristers of Sing-Sing broke forth into a 
hideous song of battle — the warriors of Breuckelen 
and the Wallabout blew a potent and astounding 
blast on their conch-shells, altogether forming as out- 
rageous a concerto as though five thousand French 
orchestras were displaying their skill in a modem 
overture. 

Whether the formidable front of war thus suddenly 
presented, smote the garrison with sore dismay — or 
whether the concluding terms of the summons, which 
mentioned that he should surrender " at discretion" 
were mistaken by Suen Scutz, who, though a Swede, 
was a very considerate easy-tempereu maii — as a 
compliment to his discretion, 1 will not take upon me 
to say ; certain it is, he found it impossible to resist 
60 courteous a demand. Accordingly, in the very 



112 THE GARRISON CAPITULATE. 

nick of time, just as the cabin-boy had gone after a 
coal of fire, to discharge the swivel, a chamade was 
beat on the rampart, by the only drum in the gar- 
rison, to the no small satisfaction of both parties ; 
who, notwithstanding their great stomach for fighting, 
had hU as good an inclination to eat a quiet dinner, 
as to exchange black eyes and bloody noses. 

Thus did this impregnable fortress once more re- 
turn to the domination of their High Mightinesses ; 
Scutz and his garrison of twenty men were allowed 
to march out with the honours of war, and the vic- 
torious Peter, who was as generous as brave, per- 
mitted them to keep possession of all their arms and 
ammunition— the same on inspection being found 
totally unfit for service, having long rusted in the 
magazine of the fortress, even before it was wrested 
by the Swedes from the magnanimous, but windy 
Van PofFenburgh. But T must not omit to mention, 
that the governor was so wdl pleased with the ser- 
vices of his faithful squire Van Corlear, in the reduc- 
tion of this great fortress, that he made him on the 
spot lord of a goodly domain in the vicinity of New- 
Amsterdam — which goes by the name Corlear's Hook 
unto this very day. 

The unexampled liberality of the valiant Stuy- 
vesant towards the Swedes, occasioned great surprise 
in the city of New-Amsterdam — nay, certain of these 
factious individuals, who had been enlightened by 
the political meetings that prevailed during the days 
of William the Testy, but who had not dared to in- 
dulge their meddlesome habits, under the eye of their 



FACTIOUS COUNSELLORS. 113 

present ruler, now emboldened by his absence, dared 
even to give vent to their censures in the street. 
Murmurs were heard in the very council chamber 
of New-Amsterdam ; and there is no knowing whether 
they would not have broken out into downright 
speeches and invectives, had not Peter Stuyvesant 
privately sent home his walking-staff, to be laid as a 
mace on the table of the council chamber, in the 
midst of his counsellors ; who, like wise men, took 
the hint, and for ever after held their peace. 



K2 



( 114 ) 



CHAPTER VI. 

Showing the great advantage that the author has over 
his reader in time of battle — together with divers 
portentous movements, which betoken that some^ 
thing terrible is about to happen. 

Like as a mighty alderman, when at a corporation 
feast the first spoonful of turtle soup salutes his 
palate, feels his impatient appetite but tenfold quick- 
ened, and redoubles his vigorous attacks upon the 
tureen, while his voracious eyes, projecting from his 
head, roll greedily round, devouring every thing at 
table — so did the mettlesome Peter Stuyvesant feel 
that intolerable hunger for martial glory, which raged 
within his very bowels, inflamed by the capture of 
Fort Casimir, and nothing could allay it but the con- 
quest of all New-Sweden. No sooner, therefore, had 
he secured his conquest, than he stumped resolutely 
on, flushed with success, to gather fresh laurels at 
Fort Christina.* 

This was the grand Swedish post, established on a 
small river (or as it is improperly termed, creek) of 
the same name ; and here that crafty Governor Jan 
Risingh lay grimly drawn up, like a gray-bearded 
spider in the citadel of his web. 

* This is at present a flourishing town, called Christiana, oi 
Christeen, about thirty-seven miles from Philadelphia, on the 
post-road to Baltimore. 



ALWAYS PAUSE BEFORE A BATTLE. 1 1 5 

But before we hurry into the direful scenes that 
must attend the meeting of two such potent chief- 
tains, it is advisable that we pause for a moment, and 
hold a kind of warlike council. Battles should not 
be rushed into precipitately by the historian and his 
readers, any more than by the general and his sol- 
diers. The great commanders of antiquity never 
engaged the enemy, without previously preparing the 
minds of their followers by animating harangues ; 
spiriting them up to heroic feelings, assuring them of 
the protection of the gods, and inspiring them with 
a confidence in the prowess of their leaders. So the 
historian should awaken the attention and enlist the 
passions of his readers, and having set them all on 
fire with the importance of his subject, he should 
put himself at their head, flourish his pen, and lead 
them on to the thickest of the fight. 

An illustrious example of this rule may be seen in 
that mirror of historians, the immortal Thucydides. 
Having arrived at the breaking out of the Pelopon- 
nesian war, one of his commentators observes, that 
"he sounds the charge in all the disposition and 
spirit of Homer. He catalogues the allies on both 
sides. He awakens our expectations, and fast en- 
gages our attention. All mankind are concerned in 
tlie important point now goiwg to be decided. En- 
deavours are made to disclose futurity. Heaven 
itself is interested in the dispute. The earth totters, 
and nature seems co labour with the great event. 
This is his solemn sublime manner of setting out. 
Thus he magnifies a war between two, as Rapin 



1 16 ADVANTAGE OF HISTORIANS OVER READERS. 

styles them, petty sta^s ; and thus artfully he sup- 
ports a little subject, by treating it in a great and 
noble method." 

In like manner, having conducted my readers into 
the very teeth of peril — having followed the adven- 
turous Peter and his band into foreign regions — sur- 
rounded by foes, and stunned by the horrid din of 
arms — at this important moment, while darkness and 
doubt hang o'er each coming chapter, I hold it meet 
to harangue them, and prepare them for the events 
that are to follow. 

And here I would premise one great advantage 
which, as the historian, I possess over my reader ; 
and this it is, that though I cannot save the life of my 
favourite hero, nor absolutely contradict the event 
of a battle, (both which liberties, though often taken 
by the French writers of the present reign, 1 hold to 
be utterly unworthy of a scrupulous historian,) yet I 
can now and then make him to bestow on his enemy 
a sturdy back-stroke sufficient to fell a giant; though, 
in honest truth, he may never have done any thing 
of the kind — or I can drive his antagonist clear round 
and round the field, as did Homer make that fine fel- 
low Hector scamper like a poltroon round the walls 
of Troy; for which, if ever they have encountered 
one another in the EV^sian fields, I'll warrant the 
prince of poets has had to make the most humble 
apology. 

I am aware that many conscientious readers will 
be ready to cry out " foul play!" whenever I render 
a little assistance to my hero — but I conbider it one 



PRIVILEGE OF HISTORIANS. 117 

of those privileges exercised by historians of all ages 
— and one which has never been disputed. In fact, 
a historian is, as it w^ere, bound in honour to stand 
by his hero — the fame of the latter is intrusted to his 
hands, and it is his duty to do the best by it he can. 
Never was there a general, an admiral, or any other 
commander, who, in giving an account of any battle 
he had fought, did not sorely belabour the enemy; 
and I have no doubt that, had my heroes written the 
history of their own achievements, they would have 
dealt much harder blows than any that I shall re- 
count. Standing forth, therefore, as the guardian of 
their fame, it behoves me to do them the same justice 
they would have done themselves ; and if I happen 
to be a little bard upon the Swedes, I give free leave 
to any of their descendants, who may write a history 
of the State of Delaware, to take fair retaliation, and 
belabour Peter Stuyvesant as hard as they please. 

Therefore stand by for broken heads and bloody 
noses ! — my pen hath long itched for a battle — siege 
after siege have I carried on without blows or blood- 
shed ; but now I have at length got a chance, and I 
vow to Heaven and St. Nicholas, that, let the chron- 
icles of the time say what they please, neither Sallust, 
Livy, Tacitus, Polybius, nor any other historian, did 
ever record a fiercer fight than that in which my 
valiant chieftains are now about to engage. 

And you, oh most excellent readers, whom, for 
your faithful adherence, I could cherish in the warm- 
est corner of my heart — be not uneasy — trust the 
fate of our favourite Stuyvesant to me — for by the 



1 1 8 VAN CORLEAR SUMMONS FORT CHRISTINA. 

rood, come what may, Til stick by Hard-kopping 
Piet to the last; Til make him drive about these 
losels vile, as did the renowned Launcelot of the 
lake, a herd of recreant Cornish knights — and if he 
does fall, let me never draw my pen to fight another 
battle, in behalf of a brave man, if I don't make these 
lubberly Swedes pay for it. 

No sooner had Peter Stuyvesant arrived before 
Fort Christina than he proceeded without delay to 
intrench himself, and immediately, on running his 
first parallel, despatched Antony Van Corlear to 
summon the fortress to surrender. Van Corlear was 
received with all due formality, hoodwinked at the 
portal, and conducted through a pestiferous smell of 
salt fish and onions, to the citadel, a substantial hut, 
built of pine logs. His eyes were here uncovered, 
and he found himself in the august presence of 
Governor Risingh. This chieftain, a^ I have before 
noted, was a very giantly man ; and was clad in a 
coarse blue coat, strapped round the waist with a 
leathern belt, which caused the enormous skirts and 
pockets to set off with a very warlike sweep. His 
ponderous legs were cased in a pair of foxy-coloured 
jack-boots, and he was straddling in the attitude of 
the Colossus of Rhodes, before a bit of broken look- 
ing-glass, shaving himself with a villanously dull 
razor. This afflicting operation caused him to make 
a series of horrible grimaces, that heightened exceed- 
ingly the grizzly terrors of his visage. On Antony 
Van Corlear's being announced, the grim commander 
paused for a moment, in the midst of one of his 



INTERVIEW WITH GOVERNOR RISINGH 1 1 9 

most hard-favoured contortions, and after eying him 
askance over the shoulder, with a kind of snarling 
grin on his countenance, resumed his labours at the 
glass. 

This iron harvest being reaped, he turned once 
more to the trumpeter, and demanded the purport of 
his errand. Antony Van Corlear delivered in a few 
words, being a kind of short-hand speaker, a long 
message from his excellency, recounting the whole 
history of the province, with a recapitulation of 
grievances, and enumeration of claims, and concluding 
with a peremptory demand of instant surrender; 
which done, he turned aside, took his nose between 
his thumb and finger, and blew a tremendous blast, 
not unlike the flourish of a trumpet of defiance — 
which it had doubtless learned from a long and inti- 
mate neighbourhood with that melodious instrument. 

Governor Risingh heard him through, trumpet and 
all, but with infinite impatience ; leaning at times, 
as was his usual custom, on the pommel of his sword, 
and at times twirling a huge st jel watch-chain, or 
snapping his fingers. Van Corlear having finished, 
he bluntly replied, that Peter Stuyvesant and his 

summons might go to the d 1, whither he hoped 

to send him and his crew of raggamufiins before sup- 
per time. Then unsheathing his brass-hilted sword, 
and throwing away the scabbard — " Fore gad," quod 
he, " but I will not sheathe thee again, until I make 
a scabbard of the smoke-dried, leathern hide of this 
runagate Dutchman." Then having flung a fierce 
defiance in the teeth of his adversary, by the lips of 



120 MURMUR AMONG THE TROOPS. 

his messenger, the latter was reconducted to the por- 
tal, with all the ceremonious civility due to the trum- 
peter, 'squire and ambassador of so great a commander, 
and being again unblinded, was courteously dismissed 
with a tweak of the nose, to assist him in recollecting 
his message. 

No sooner did the gallant Peter receive this inso- 
lent reply, than he let fly a tremendous volley of red- 
hot execrations, that would infallibly have battered 
down the fortifications, and blown up the powder- 
magazine about the ears of the fiery Swede, had not 
the ramparts been remarkably strong, and the maga- 
zine bomb-proof. Perceiving that the works with- 
stood this terrific blast, and that it was utterly impos- 
sible (as it really was in those unphilosophic days) to 
carry on a war with words, he ordered his merry men 
all to prepare for an immediate assault. But here a 
strange murmur broke out among his troops, begin- 
ning with the tribe of the Van Pummels, those valiant 
trencher-men of the Bronx, and spreading from man 
to man, accompanied with certain mutinous looks 
and discontented murmurs. For once in his life, and 
only for once, did the great Peter turn pale, for he 
verily thought his warriors were going to falter in 
this hour of perilous trial, and thus tarnish for ever 
the fame of the province of New-Nederlands. 

But soon did he discover, to his great joy, that in 
this suspicion he deeply wronged this most undaunted 
army; for the cause of this agitation and uneasiness 
simply was, that the hour of dinner was at hand, and 
it woulu have almost broken the hearts of these reg- 



DINNER BEFORE THE BATTLE. 121 

ular Dutch warriors, to have broken in upon the in- 
variable routine of their habits. Besides, it was an 
established rule among our vahant ancestors, always 
to fight upon a full stomach, and to this may be doubt- 
less attributed the circumstance that they came to be 
so renowned in arms. 

And now are the hearty men of the Manhattoes, 
and their no less hearty comrades, all lustily engaged 
under the trees, buffeting stoutly with the contents 
of their wallets, and taking such affectionate em; 
braces of their canteens and pottles, as though they 
verily believed they were to be the last. And as I 
foresee we shall have hot work in a page or two, I 
advise my readers to do the same, for which purpose 
I will bring this chapter to a close ; giving them my 
word of honour, that no advantage shall be taken of 
this armistice, to surprise, or in any wise molest, the 
honest Nederlanders, while at their vigorous repast. 



Vol. II. 



( 122 ) 



CHAPTER VII. 

Containing the most horrible battle ever recorded in 
poetry or prose — with the admirable exploits of 
Peter the Headstrong. 

" Now had the Dutchmen snatched a huge repast," 
and finding themselves wonderfully encouraged and 
animated thereby, prepared to take the field. Ex- 
pectation, says the writer of the Stuyvesant manu- 
script — Expectation now stood on stilts. The world 
forgot to turn round, or rather stood stilJ, that it 
might witness the affray ; like a fat round-bellied al- 
derman, watching the combat of two chivalric flies 
upon his jerkin. The eyes of all mankind, as usual 
in such cases, were turned upon Fort Christina. 
The sun, like a little man in a crowd, at a puppet- 
show, scampered about the heavens, popping his 
head here and there, and endeavouring to get a peep 
between the unmannerly clouds that obtruded them- 
selves in his way. The historians filled their ink- 
horns — the poets went without their dinners, either 
that they might buy paper and goose-quills, or be- 
cause they could not get any timig to eat — antiquity 
scowled sulkily out of its grave, to see itself outdone 
— while even posterity stood mute, gazing in gaping 
ecstasy of retrospection, on the eventful field. 

The immortal deities, who whilom had seen ser- 
vice at the " affair" of Troy — now mounted their 



CONDUCT OF THE HEATHEN DEITIES. 123 

feather-bed clouds, and sailed over the plain or min- 
gled among the combatants in different disguises, all 
itching to have a finger in the pie. Jupiter sent otF 
his thunderbolt to a noted coppersmith, to have it 
furbished up for the direful occasion. Venus swore 
by her chastity she'd patronize the Swedes, and in 
semblance of a blear-eyed trull, paraded the battle- 
ments of Fort Christina, accompanied by Diana as a 
sergeant's widow, of cracked reputation. — The noted 
bully. Mars, stuck two horse-pistols into his belt, 
shouldered a rusty firelock, and gallantly swaggered 
at their elbow as a drunken corporal — while Apollo 
trudged in their rear, as a bandy-legged fifer, playing 
most villanously out of tune. 

On the other side, the ox-eyed Juno, who had 
gained a pair of black eyes over night, in one of her 
curtain lectures with old Jupiter, displayed her 
haughty beauties on a baggage-wagon — jMinerva, as 
a brawny gin suttler, tucked up her skirts, brandished 
her fists, and swore most heroically, in exceeding bad 
Dutch, (having but lately studied the language,) by 
way of keeping up the spirits of the soldiers ; while 
Vulcan halted as a club-footed blacksmith, lately 
promoted to be a captain of militia. All was silent 
horror, or bustling preparation ; war reared his horrid 
front, gnashed louci his iron fangs, and shook his 
direful crest of bristling bayonets. 

And now the mighty chieftains marshalled out their 
hosts. Here stood stout Risingh, firm as a thousand 
rocks — incrusted with stockades, and entrenched to 
the chin in mud batteries. His valiant soldiery lined 



124 MARSHALLING OF THE HOSTS. 

the breastwork in grim array, each having his mus- 
tachios fiercely greased, and his hair pomatumed 
back, and queued so stiffly, that he grinned above the 
ramparts Hke a grizzly death's head. 

There came on the intrepid Peter — his brows knit, 
his teeth set, his fists clenched, almost breathing forth 
volumes of smoke, so fierce was the fire that raged 
within his bosom. His faithful 'squire, Van Corlear, 
trudged valiantly at his heels, with his trumpet gor- 
geously bedecked with red and yellow ribands, the 
remembrances of his fair mistresses at the Manhattoes. 
Then came waddling on the sturdy chivalry of the 
Hudson. There were the Van Wycks, and the Van 
Dycks, and the Ten Eycks — the Van Nesses, the 
Van Tassels, the Van GroUs, the Van Hoesens, the 
Van Giesons, and the Van Blarcoms — The Van 
Warts, the Van Winkles, the Van Dams, the Van 
Pelts, the Van Rippers, and the Van Brunts. — There 
were the Van Homes, the Van Hooks, the Van 
Bunschotens ; the Van Gelders, the Van Arsdales, 
and the Van Bummels — The Vander Belts, the Van- 
der Hoofs, the Vander Voorts, the Vander Lyns, the 
Vander Pools, and the Vander Spiegels. — There 
came the Hoffmans, the Hooghlands, the Hoppers, the 
Cloppers, the Ryckmans, the Dyckmans, the Hoge- 
booms, the Rosebooms, the Oothouts, the Quacken- 
bosses, the Roerbacks, the Garrebrantzs, the Bensons, 
the Brouwers, the Waldrons, the Onderdonks, the 
Varra Vangers, the Schermerhornes, the Stouten- 
burghs, the Brinkerhoffs, the Bontecous, the Knicker- 
bockers, the Hockstrassers, the Ten Breecheses, and 



PETER'S ADDRESS BEFORE THE BATTLE. 125 

the Tough Breecheses, with a host more of worthier, 
whose names are too crabbed to be written, or if they 
could be written, it would be impossible for man to 
utter — all fortified with a mighty dinner, and to use 
the words of a great Dutch poet, 

" Brimful of wrath and cabbage!" 

For an instant the mighty Peter paused in the 
midst of his career, and mounting on a stump, ad- 
dressed his troops in eloquent Low Dutch, exhorting 
them to fight like duyvels, and assuring them that if 
they conquered, they should get plenty of booty — if 
they fell, they should be allowed the unparalleled 
satisfaction, while dying, of reflecting that it was in 
the service of their country — and after they were 
dead, of seeing their names inscribed in the temple 
of renown, and handed down, in company with all 
the other great men of the year, for the admiration 
of posterity. — Finally, he swore to them, on the word 
of a governor, (and they knew him too well to doubt 
it for a moment) that if he caught any mother's son 
of them looking pale, or playing craven, he'd curry 
his hide till he made him run out of it like a snake 
in spring time. — Then luring out his trusty sabre, 
he brandished it three times over his head, ordered 
Van Corlear to sound a tremendous charge, and 
shouting the word " St. Nicholas and the Manhattoes !" 
courageously dashed forwards. His warlike followers, 
who had employed the interval in lighting their pipes, 
instantly stuck them in their mouths, gave a furious 
puff, and charged gallantly, under cover of the smoke. 
L2 



126 TERRIFIC ONSET. 

The Swedish garrison, ordered by the cunning 
Risingh not to fire until they could distinguish the 
whites of their assailants' eyes, stood in horrid si- 
lence on the covert-way, until the eager Dutchmen 
had ascended the glacis. Then did they pour into 
them such a tremendous volley, that the very hills 
quaked around, and were terrified even unto an in- 
continence of water, insomuch that certain springs 
burst forth from their sides, which continue to run 
unto the present day. Not a Dutchman but would 
have bitten the dust, beneath that dreadful fire, had 
not the protecting Minerva kindly taken care that the 
Swedes should, one and all, observe their usual cus- 
tom of shutting their eyes and turning away their 
heads, at the moment of discharge. 

The Swedes followed up their fire by leaping the 
counterscarp, and falling tooth and nail upon the foe, 
with furious outcries. And now might be seen prod- 
igies of valour, of which neither history nor song 
has ever recorded a parallel. Here was beheld the 
sturdy Stoffel Brinkerhoff, brandishing his lusty quar- 
ter-staff, like the terrible giant Blanderon his oak 
tree, (for he scorned to carry any other weapon,) 
and drumming a horrific tune upon the heads of 
whole squadrons of Swedes. There were the crafty 
Van Kortlandts, posted at a distance, like the Locrian 
archers of yore, and plying it most potently with the 
long bow, for which they were so justly renowned. 
At another place were collected on a rising knoll the 
valiant men of Sing-Sing, who assisted marvellously 
in the fight, by chanting forth the great song of St. 



THE COMBAT THICKENS. 127 

Nicholas ; but as to the Gardeniers of Hudson, they 
were absent from the battle, having been sent out on 
a marauding party, to lay waste the neighbouring 
water-melon patches. In a different part of the 
field might be seen the Van Grolls of Antony's Nose; 
but they were horribly perplexed in a defile between 
two little hills, by reason of the length of their noses. 
There were the Van Bunschotens of Nyack and 
Kakiat, so renowned for kicking witb the left foot, 
but their skill availed them little at present, being 
short of wind in consequence of the hearty dinner 
they had eaten, and they would irretrievably have 
been put to rout, had they not been reenforced by a 
gallant corps of Voltigeures^ composed of the Hop- 
pers, who advanced to their assistance nimbly on 
one foot. Nor must I omit to mention the incom- 
parable achievements of Antony Van Corlear, who, 
for a good quarter of an hour, waged stubborn fight 
with a little pursy Swedish drummer, whose hide 
he drummed most magnificently; and had he not 
come into the battle with no other weapon but his 
trumpet, would infallibly have put him to an un- 
timely end. 

But now the combat thickened — on came the 
mighty Jacobus Varra Vanger, and the fighting men 
of the Wallabout; after them thundered the Van 
Pelts of Esopus, together with the Van Rippers and 
the Van Brunts, bearing down all before them — 
then the Suy Dams and the A^an Dams, pressing for- 
ward with many a blustering oath, at the head of the 
warriors of Hell-Gate, clad in their thunder and light- 



128 SUFFERINGS OF NATURE. 

ning gaberdines ; and lastly, the standard-bearers and 
body guards of Peter Stuyvesant, bearing the great 
beaver of the Manhattoes. 

And now commenced the horrid din, the desperate 
struggle, the maddening ferocity, the frantic despe- 
ration, the confusion and self-abandonment of war. 
Dutchman and Swede commingled, tugged, panted, 
and blowed. The heavens were darkened with a 
tempest of missives. Bang ! went the guns — whack ! 
struck the broad-swords — thump ! went the cudgels 
—crash ! went the musket stocks — blows — kicks — 
cuffs — scratches — black eyes and bloody noses, swell- 
ing the horrors of the scene ! Thick-thwack, cut and 
hack, helter-skelter, higgledy-piggledy, hurly-burly, 

head over heels, rough and tumble ! Dunder and 

blixum ! swore the Dutchmen — splitter and splutter! 
cried the Swedes — Storm the works ! shouted Hard- 
koppig Peter — fire the mine ! roared stout Risingh 
— Tanta-ra-ra-ra ! twanged the trumpet of Antony 
Van Corlear — until all voice and sound became un- 
intelligible — grunts of pain, yells of fury, and shouts 
of triumph commingling in one hideous clamour. 
The earth shook as if struck with a paralytic stroke 
— trees shrunk aghast, and withered at the sight — 
rocks burrowed in the ground like rabbits, and even, 
Christina creek turned from its course, and ran up a 
mountain in breathless terror ! 

Long hung the contest doubtful ; for, though a 
heavy shower of rain, sent by the " cloud-compeHing 
Jove," in some measure cooled their ardour, as doth 
a bucket of water thrown on a group of fighting 



ADVANCE OF MICHAEL PAW. 129 

mastiffs, yet did they but pause for a moment, to re- 
turn with tenfold fury to the charge, belabouring each 
other with black and bloody bruises. Just at this 
juncture was seen a vast and dense column of smoke, 
slowly rolling towards the scene of battle, which for 
a while made even the furious combatants to stay 
their arms in mute astonishment — but the wind for a 
moment dispersing the murky cloud, from the midst 
thereof emerged the flaunting banner of the immortal 
Michael Paw, This noble chieftain came fearlessly 
on, leading a solid phalanx of oyster-fed Pavonians, 
who had remained behind, partly as a corps de re- 
serve^ and partly to digest the enormous dinner they 
had eaten. These sturdy yeomen, nothing daunted, 
did trudge manfully forward, smoking their pipes 
with outrageous vigour, so as to raise the awful cloud 
that has been mentioned ; but marching exceedingly 
slow, being short of leg, and of great rotundity in 
the belt. 

And now the protecting deities of the army of 
New-Amsterdam, having unthinkingly left the field 
an^ stept into a neighbouring tavern to refresh them- 
selves with a pot of beer, a direful catastrophe had 
well nigh chanced to befall theNederlanders. Scarcely 
had the myrmidons of the puissant Paw attained the 
front of battle, before the Swedes, instructed by the 
cunning Risingh, levelled a shower of blows full at 
their tobacco-pipes. Astounded at this unexpected 
assault, and totally discomfited at seeing their pipes 
broken, the valiant Dutchmen fell in vast confusion — 
already they begin to fly — like a frightened drove of 



130 HEROIC VALOUR OF PETER. 

unwieldy elephants they throw their own army in an 
uproar, bearing down a whole legion of little Hop- 
pers — the sacred banner on which is blazoned the 
gigantic oyster of Communipaw is trampled in the 
dirt — the Swedes pluck up new spirits, and pressing 
on their rear, apply their feet a parte poste, with a 
vigour that prodigiously accelerates their motions — 
nor doth the renowned Paw himself fail to receive 
divers grievous and dishonourable visitations of shoe- 
leather ! 

But what. Oh muse ! — was the rage of the gallant 
Peter, when from afar he saw his army yield ? With 
a voice of thunder did he roar after his recreant 
warriors. The men of the Manhattoes plucked up 
new courage when they heard their leader — or rather 
they dreaded his fierce displeasure, of which they 
stood in more awe than of all the Swedes in Chris- 
tendom — but the daring Peter, not waiting for their 
aid, plunged, sword in hand, into the thickest of the 
foe. Then did he display some such incredible 
achievements as have never been known since the 
miraculous days of the giants. Wherever he went, 
the enemy shrunk before him — with fierce impet- 
uosity he pushed forward, driving the Swedes, like 
dogs, into their own ditch — but as he fearlessly ad- 
vanced, the foe thronged in his rear, and hung upon 
his flank with fearful peril. One crafty Swede, ad- 
vancing warily on one side, drove his dastard sword 
full at the hero's heart; but the protecting power 
that watches over the safety of all great and good 
men, turned aside the hostile blade, and directed it 



HIS FORTUNATE PRESERVATION. 131 

to a side pocket, where reposed an enormous iron 
tobacco-box, endowed, like the shield of Achilles, 
with supernatural powers — no doubt in consequence 
of its being piously decorated with a portrait of the 
blessed St. Nicholas. Thus was the dreadful blow 
repelled, but not without occasioning to the great 
Peter a fearful loss of wind. 

Like as a furious bear, when gored by curs, turns 
fiercely round, gnashes his teeth, and springs upon 
the foe, so did our hero turn upon the treacherous 
Swede. The miserable varlet sought in flight for 
safety — but the active Peter, seizing him by an im- 
measurable queue, that dangled from his head — " Ah, 
whoreson caterpillar!" roared he, "here is what 
shall make dog's meat of thee !" So saying, he whirl- 
ed his trusty sword, and made a blow that would 
have decapitated him, but that the pitying steel 
struck short, and shaved the queue for ever from his 
crown. At this very moment a cunning arquebusier, 
perched on the summit of a neighbouring mound, 
levelled his deadly instrument, and would have sent 
the gallant Stuyvesant a wailing ghost to haunt the 
Stygian shore— 4iad not the watchful Minerva, who 
had just stopped to tie up her garter, seen the great 
peril of her favourite chief, and despatched old Boreas 
with his bellows ; who, in the very nick of time, just 
as the match descended to the pan, gave such a 
lucky blast, as blew all the priming from the touch- 
hole ! 

Thus waged the horrid fight — wiien the stout Ri- 
singh, surveying the battle from the top of a little 



132 CONFLICT BETWEEN RISINGH AND PETER. 

ravelin, perceived his faithful troops banged, beaten, 
and kicked by the invincible Peter. Language can- 
not describe the choler with which he was seized at 
the sight — he only stopped for a moment to disbur- 
then himself of five thousand anathemas ; and then 
drawing his immeasurable falchion, straddled down 
to the field of combat, with some such thundering 
strides as Jupiter is said by Hesiod to have taken 
when he strode down the spheres, to hurl his thun- 
derbolts at the Titans. 

No sooner did these two rival heroes come face to 
face, than they each made a prodigious start, such as 
is made by your most experienced stage champions. 
Then did they regard each other for a moment, with 
bitter aspect, hke two furious ram-cats, on the very 
point of a clapper-clawing. Then did they throw 
themselves in one attitude, then in another, striking 
their swords on the ground, first on the right side, 
then on the left — at last, at it they went with incred- 
ible ferocity. Words cannot tell the prodigies of 
strength and valour displayed in this direful encoun- 
ter — an encounter, compared to which the far-famed 
battles of Ajax with Hector, of Eneas with Turnus, 
Orlando with Rodomont, Guy of Warwick with Col 
brand the Dane, or that renowned Welsh knight. Sir 
Owen of the Mountains with the giant Gnylon, were 
all gentle sports and holyday recreations. At length 
the valiant Peter, watching his opportunity, aimed a 
fearful blow, with the full intention of cleaving his 
adversary to the very chine; but Risingh, nimbly 
raising his sword, warded it off so narrowly, that 



PETER'S FALL, AND WHAT BROKE IT. 3 33 

glancing on one side, it shaved away a huge canteen 
that he always carried swung on one side ; thence 
pursuing its trenchant course, it severed off a deep 
coat-pocket, stored with bread and cheese — all which 
dainties rolling among the armies, occasioned a fear- 
ful scrambling between the Swedes and Dutchmen, 
and made the general battle to wax ten times more 
furious than ever. 

Enraged to see his military stores thus wofully laid 
waste, the stout Risingh, collecting all his forces, 
aimed a mighty blow full at the hero's crest. In vain 
did his fierce little cocked hat oppose its course; the 
biting steel clove through the stubborn ram-beaver, 
and would infallibly have cracked his crown, but 
that the skull was of such adamantine hardness, that 
the brittle weapon shivered into pieces, shedding a 
thousand sparks, like beams of glory, round his grizzly 
visage. 

Stunned with the blow, the valiant Peter reeled, 
turned up his eyes, and beheld fifty thousand suns, 
besides moons and stars, dancing about the firmament 
— at length, missing his footing, by reason of his 
wooden leg, down he came, on his seat of honour, 
with a crash that shook the surrounding hills, and 
would infallibly have wrecked his anatomical system, 
had he not been received into a cushion softer than 
velvet, which Providence, or Minerva, or St. Nicho- 
las, or some kindly cow, had benevolently prepared 
for his reception. 

The furious Risingh, in despite of that noble 
maxim, cherished by all true knights, that " fair play 

Vol. II. M 



134 RETORT ON RISINGH. 

is a jewel," hastened to take advantage of the hero's 
fall ; but just as he was stooping to give the fatal 
blow, the ever-vigilant Peter bestowed him a sturdy 
thwack over the sconce with his wooden leg, that 
set some dozen chimes of bells ringing triple bob- 
majors in his cerebellum. The bewildered Swede 
staggered with the blow, and in the mean time the 
wary Peter, espying a pocket-pistol lying hard by, 
(which had dropped from the wallet of his faithful 
'squire and trumpeter, Van Corlear, during his furious 
encounter with the drummer,) discharged it full at 
the head of the reeling Risingh — Let not my reader 
mistake — it was not a murderous weapon loaded with 
powder and ball, but a little sturdy stone pottle, 
charged to the muzzle with a double dram of true 
Dutch courage, which the knowing Van Corlear al- 
ways carried about him by way of replenishing his 
valour. The hideous missive sung through the air, 
and true to it course, as was the mighty fragment of 
a rock discharged at Hector by bully Ajax, encoun- 
tered the huge head of the gigantic Swede with match- 
less violence. 

This heaven-directed blow decided the eventful 
battle. The ponderous pericranium of General Jan 
Risingh sunk upon his breast; his knees tottered 
under him ; a deathlike torpor seized upon his giant 
frame, and he tumbled to the earth with such tre- 
mendous violence, that old Pluto started with affright, 
lest he should have broken through the roof of his 
infernal palace. 



FALL OF FORT CHRISTINA. 135 

His fall was the signal of defeat and victory — The 
Swedes gave way — the Dutch pressed forward ; the 
former took to their heels, the latter hotly pursued — 
some entered with them, pell-mell, through the sally- 
port — others stormed the bastion, and others scram- 
bled over the curtain. Thus, in a little while, the 
impregnable fortress of Fort Christina, which like 
another Troy had stood a siege of full ten hours, was 
finally carried by assault, without the loss of a single 
man on either side. Victory, in the likeness of a 
gigantic ox fly, sat perched upon the cocked hat of 
the gallant Stuyvesant; and it was universally de- 
clared, by all the writers whom he hired to write the 
history of his expedition, that on this memorable day 
he gained a sufficient quantity of glory to immor- 
talize a dozen of the greatest heroes in Christendom ! 



( 136 ) 



CHAPTER VIII. 

In which the author and the reader^ while reposing 
after the battle^ fall into a very grave discourse — 
after which is recorded the conduct of Peter Stuy- 
vesarct after his victory. 

Thanks to St. Nicholas, we have safely finished 
this tremendous battle : let us sit down, my worthy 
reader, and cool ourselves, for I am in a prodigious 
sweat and agitation — Truly this fighting of battles is 
hot work ! and if your great commanders did but 
know what trouble they give their historians, they 
would not have the conscience to achieve so many 
horrible victories. But methinks 1 hear my reader 
complain, that throughout this boasted battle, there 
is not the least slaughter, nor a single individual 
maimed, if we except the unhappy Swede, who was 
shorne of his queue by the trenchant blade of Peter 
Stuyvesant ; all which, he observes, is a great outrage 
on probability, and highly injurious to the interest of 
the narration. 

This is certainly an objection of no little moment ; 
but it arises entirely from the obscurity that envelops 
the remote periods of time, about which I have un- 
dertaken to write. Thus, though, doubtless, from 
the importance of the object, and the prowess of the 
parties concerned, there must have been terrible car- 
nage, and prodigies of valour displayed, before the 



THE AUTHOR'S EXCUSE. 137 

walls of Christina, yet, notwithstanding that I have 
consulted every history, manuscript, and tradition, 
touching this memorable, though long-forgotten battle, 
I cannot find mention made of a single man killed or 
wounded in the whole affair. 

This is, without doubt, owing to the extreme mod- 
esty of our forefathers, who, like their descendants, 
were never prone to vaunt of their achievements ; 
but it is a virtue that places their historian in a most 
embarrassing predicament ; for, having promised my 
readers a hideous and unparalleled battle, and having 
worked them up into a warlike and bloodthirsty state 
of mind, to put them off without any havoc and 
slaughter, was as bitter a disappointment as to sum- 
mon a multitude of good people to attend an execu- 
tion, and then cruelly balk by a reprieve. 

Had the inexorable fates only allowed me some 
half a score of dead men, I had been content ; for I 
would have made them such heroes as abounded in 
the olden time, but whose race is now unfortunately 
f'xtinct — any one of whom, if we may believe those 
authentic writers, the poets, could drive great armies 
like sheep before him, and conquer and desolate 
whole cities by his single arm. 

But seeing that I had not a single life at my dis- 
posal, all that was left me was to make the most I 
could of my battle, by means of kicks, and cuffs, and 
bruises, and such like ignoble wounds. And here 1 
cannot but compare my dilemma, in some sort, to 
that of the divine Milton, who, having arrayed with 
sublime preparation his immortal hosts against each 
M2 



1 38 THE AUTHOR'S DIFFICULTIES. 

other, is sadly put to it how to manage them, and 
how he shall make the end of his battle answer 
to the beginning ; inasmuch as, being mere spirits, he 
cannot deal a mortal blow, nor even give a flesh 
wound to any of his combatants. For my part, the 
greatest difficulty I found, was, when I had once put 
my warriors in a passion, and let them loose into the 
midst of the enemy, to keep them from doing mis- 
chief Many a time had I to restrain the sturdy 
Peter from cleaving a gigantic Swede to the very 
waistband, or spitting half-a-dozen little fellows on 
his sword, like so many sparrows : and when I had set 
some hundreds of missives flying in the air, I did not 
dare to suffer one of them to reach the ground, lest 
it should have put an end to some unlucky Dutchman. 

The reader cannot conceive how mortifying it is 
to a writer, thus in a manner to have his hands tied, 
and how many tempting opportunities I had to wink 
at, where I might have made as fine a death-blow as 
any recorded in history or song. 

From my own experience, I begin to doubt most 
potently of the authenticity of many of Homer's sto- 
ries. I verily believe, that when he had once lanched 
one of his favourite heroes among a crowd of the 
enemy, he cut down many an honest fellow, without 
any authority for so doing, excepting that he present- 
ed a fair mark — and that often a poor devil was sent 
to grim Pluto's domains, merelj' because he had a 
name that would give a sounding turn to a period. 
But I disclaim all such unprincipled liberties — let 
me but have truth and the law on my side, and no 



A MELANCHOLY REFLECTION. 139 

man would fight harder than myself: but since the 
various records I consulted did not warrant it, I had 
too much conscience to kill a single soldier. By St. 
Nicholas, but it would have been a pretty piece of 
business ! My enemies, the critics, who I foresee will 
be ready enough to lay any crime they can discover 
at my door, might have charged me with murder 
outright — and I should have esteemed myself lucky 
to escape with no harsher verdict than manslaughter! 
And now, gentle reader, that we are tranquilly sit- 
ting down here, smoking our pipes, permit me to in- 
dulge in a melancholy reflection, which at this mo- 
ment passes across my mind. — How vain, how fleet- 
ing, how uncertain are all those gaudy bubbles after 
which we are panting and toiling in this world of 
fair delusion ! The wealth which the miser has 
amassed with so many weary days, so many sleepless 
nights, a spendthrift heir may squander away in joy- 
less prodigality. The noblest monuments which 
pride has ever reared to perpetuate a name, the hand 
of time will shortly tumble into ruins — and even the 
brightest laurels, gained by feats of arms, may wither 
and be for ever blighted by the chilling neglect of 
mankind. — " How many illustrious heroes," says the 
good Boetius, " who were once the pride and glory 
of the age, hath the silence of historians buried in 
eternal oblivion !" And this it was that induced the 
Spartans, when they went to battle, solemnly to sacri- 
fice to the muses, supplicating that their achieve- 
ments should be worthily recorded. Had not Homer 
tuned his lofty lyre, observes the elegant Cicero, the 



140 IMPORTANCE OF THE HISTORIAN. 

valour of Achilles had remained unsung. And such 
too, after all the toils and perils he had braved, after 
all the gallant actions he had achieved, such too had 
nearly been the fate of the chivalric Peter Stuy- 
vesant, but that I fortunately stepped in and engraved 
his name on the indelible tablet of history, just as the 
caitiff Time was silently brushing it away for ever. 

The more I reflect, the more am I astonished 
at the important character of the historian. He is 
the sovereign censor, to decide upon the renown or 
infamy of his fellow-men — he is the patron of kings 
and conquerors, on whom it depends whether they 
shall live in after ages, or be forgotten, as were their 
ancestors before them. The tyrant may oppress 
while the object of his tyranny exists, but the histo- 
rian possesses superior might, for his power extends 
even beyond the grave. The shades of departed and 
long-forgotten heroes anxiously bend down from 
above, while he writes, watching each movement of 
his pen, whether it shall pass by their names with 
neglect, or inscribe them on the deathless pages of 
renown. Even the drop of ink that hangs trembhng 
on his pen, which he may either dash upon the floor 
or waste in idle scrawlings — that very drop, which 
to him is not worth the twentieth part of a farthing, 
may be of incalculable value to some departed worthy 
— may elevate half a score, in one moment, to im- 
mortality, who would have given worlds, had they 
possessed them, to insure the glorious meed. 

Let not my readers imagine, however, that I am in- 
dulging in vain-glorious boastings, or am anxious to 



WHAT IS IMMORTAL FAME. 141 

blazon forth the importance of my tribe. On the 
contrary, I shrink when I reflect on the awful re- 
sponsibility we historians assume — T shudder to think 
what direful commotions and calamities we occasion 
in the world — I swear to thee, honest reader, as I 
am a man, I weep at the very idea ! Why, let me 
ask, are so many illustrious men daily tearing them- 
selves away from the embraces of their families — 
slighting the smiles of beauty — despising the allure- 
ments of fortune, and exposing themselves to the 
miseries of war? — Why are kings desolating empires, 
and depopulating whole countries? In short, what 
induces all great men, of all ages and countries, to 
commit so many victories and misdeeds, and inflict 
so many miseries upon mankind and on themselves, 
but the mere hope that some historian will kindly 
take them into notice, and admit them into a corner 
of his volume. For, in short, the mighty object of 
all their toils, their hardships, and privations, is noth- 
ing but immortal fame — and what is immortal fame ? 
— why, half a page of dirty paper ! — Alas ! alas ! 
how humiliating the idea — that the renown of so 
great a man as Peter Stuyvesant should depend upon 
the pen of so little a man as Diedrich Knickerbocker ! 
And now, having refreshed ourselves after the fa- 
tigues and perils of the field, it behoves us to return 
once more to the scene of conflict, and inquire what 
were the results of this renowned conquest. The 
fortress of Christina being the fair metropolis, and in 
a manner the key to New-Sweden its capture was 
speedily followed by the entire subjugation of the 



142 CLEMENCY OF PETER STUYVESANT. 

province. This was not a little promoted by the 
gallant and courteous deportment of the chivalric 
Peter. Though a man terrible in battle, yet in the 
hour of victory was he endued with a spirit gene- 
rous, merciful, and humane — he vaunted not over his 
enemies, nor did he make defeat more galHng by un- 
manly insults; for like that mirror of knightly virtue, 
the renowned Paladin Orlando, he was more anxious 
to do great actions than to talk of them after they 
were done. He put no man to death ; ordered no 
houses to be burnt down ; permitted no ravages to 
be perpetrated on the property of the vanquished, 
and even gave one of his bravest officers a severe ad- 
monishment with his walking-staff, for having been 
detected in the act of sacking a hen-roost. 

He moreover issued a proclamation, inviting the 
inhabitants to submit to the authority of their High 
Mightinesses ; but declaring, with unexampled clem- 
ency, that whoever refused should be lodged, at the 
public expense, in a goodly castle provided for the 
purpose, and have an armed retinue to wait on them 
in the bargain. In consequence of these beneficent 
terms, about thirty Swedes stepped manfully forward 
and took the oath of allegiance ; in reward for 
which, they were graciously permitted to remain on 
the banks of the Delaware, where their descendants 
reside at this very day. But I am told by divers ob- 
ser\^ant travellers, that they have never been able to 
get over the chapfallen looks of their ancestors, and 
do still unaccountably transmit from father to son 



DERIVATION OF BEEKMAN. 143 

manifest marks of the sound drubbing given them by 
the sturdy Amsterdammers. 

The whole country of New-Sweden, having thus 
yielded to the arms of the triumphant Peter, was re- 
duced to a colony, called South River, and placed 
under the superintendence of a lieutenant-governor ; 
subject to the control of the supreme government at 
New-Amsterdam. This great dignitary was called 
Mynher William Beekman, or rather BecA*man, who 
derived his surname, as did Ovidius Naso of yore, 
from the lordly dimensions of his nose, which pro- 
jected from the centre of his countenance like the 
beak of a parrot. He was the great progenitor of 
the tribe of the Beekmans, one of the most ancient 
and honourable families of the province, the mem- 
bers of which do gratefully commemorate the origin 
of their dignity, not as your noble families in Eng- 
land would do, by having a glowing proboscis em- 
blazoned in their escutcheon, but by one and all 
wearing a right goodly nose stuck in the very middle 
of their faces. 

Thus was this perilous enterprise gloriously termi- 
nated with the loss of only two men — Wolfert Van 
Home, a tall spare man, who was knocked over- 
board by the boom of a sloop, in a flaw of wind ; and 
fat Brom Van Bummel, who was suddenly carried 
off by an indigestion ; both, however, were immor- 
talized as having bravely fallen in the service of their 
country. True it is, Peter Stuyvesant had one of 
his limbs terribly fractured, being shattered to pieces 
in the act of storming the fortress ; but as it was for- 



144 PETER'S TRIUMPHANT RETURN. 

tunately his wooden leg, the wound was promptlj 
and effectually healed. 

And now nothing remains to this branch of my 
history, but to mention that this immaculate hero, 
and his victorious army, returned joyously to the 
Manhattoes, where they made a solemn and tri- 
umphant entry, bearing with them the conquered Ri- 
singh, and the remnant of his battered crew, who 
had refused allegiance: for it appears that the gigantic 
Swede had only fallen into a swoon at the end of the 
battle, from whence he was speedily restored by a 
wholesome tweak of the nose. 

These captive heroes were lodged, according to 
the promise of the governor, at the public expense, 
in a fair and spacious castle ; being the prison of 
state, of which Stoffel Brinkerhoff, the immortal 
conqueror of Oyster Bay, was appointed governor ; 
and which has ever since remained in the possession 
of his descendants.* 

It was a pleasant and goodly sight to witness the 
joy of the people of New-Amsterdam, at beholding 
their warriors once more return from this war in the 
wilderness. The old women thronged round Antony 
Van Corlear, who gave thfe whole history of the 
campaign with matchless accuracy ; saving that he 
took the credit of fighting the whole battle himself, 
and especially of vanishing the stout Risingh, which 

* This castle, though very much altered and modernized, is 
still in being, and stands at the corner of Pearl-street, facing 
Coenties' slip. 



FESTIVITY AT NEW-AMSTERDAM. 145 

he considered himself as clearly entitled to, seeing 
that it was effected by his own stone pottle. 

The schoolmasters throughout the town gave holy- 
day to their little urchins, who followed in droves 
after the drums, with paper caps on their heads, and 
sticks in their breeches, thus taking the first lesson 
in the art of war. As to the sturdy rabble, they 
thronged at the heels of Peter Stuyvesant wherever 
he went, waving their greasy hats in the air, and 
shouting " Hard-koppig Piet for ever !" 

It was, indeed, a day of roaring rout and jubilee. 
A huge dinner was prepared at the Stadt-house in 
honour of the conquerors, where were assembled, in 
one glorious constellation, the great and the little lu- 
minaries of New-Amsterdam. There were the lordly 
Schout and his obsequious deputy — the burgomasters 
with their officious schepens at their elbows — the 
subaltern officers at the elbows of the schepens, and 
so on to the lowest hanger-on of police ; every Tag 
having his Rag at his side, to finish his pipe, drink 
off his heel-taps, and laugh at his ffights of immortal 
dulness. In short — for a city feast is a city feast all 
the world over, and has been a city feast ever since 
the creation — the dinner went off' much the same as 
do our great corporation junketings and fourth of 
July banquets. Loads of fish, flesh, and fowl were 
devoured, oceans of liquor drunk, thousands of pipes 
smoked, and many a dull joke honoured with much 
obstreperous fat-sided laughter. 

I must not omit to mention, that to this far-famed 

Vol. II. N 



146 PETER OBTAINS A SURNAME. 

victory Peter Stuyvesant was indebted for another 
of his many titles — for so hugely delighted were the 
honest burghers with his achievements, that they 
unanimously honoured him with the name of Pietre 
de Groodt^ that is to say, Peter the Great, or, as it 
was translated by the people of New- Amsterdam, 
Piet de Pig — an appellation which he maintained 
even unto the day of his death. 



BOOK VII. 

CONTAINING THE THIRD PART OF THE REIGN OF PETER THE 
HEADSTRONG— HIS TROUBLES WITH THE BRITISH NATION 
AND THE DECLINE AND FALL OF THE DUTCH DYNASTY. 



CHAPTER I. 



How Peter Stuyvesant relieved the sovereign people 
from the burthen of taking care of the nation — with 
sundry particulars of his conduct in time of peace. 

The history of the reign of Peter Stuyvesant fur- 
nishes a melancholy picture of the incessant cares 
and vexations inseparable from government ; and 
may serve as a solemn warning to all who are am- 
bitious of attaining the seat of power. Though 
crowned with victory, enriched by conquest, and 
returning in triumph to his metropolis, his exultation 
was checked by beholding the sad abuses that had 
taken place during the short interval of his absence. 

The populace, unfortunately for their own comfort, 
had taken a deep draught of the intoxicating cup of 
power, during the reign of William the Testy ; and 
though upon the accession of Peter Stuyvesant, they 
felt, with a certain instinctive perception, which mobs 
as well as cattle possess, that the reins of government 
had passed into stronger hands, yet could they not 



148 POPULAR DISCONTENT. 

help fretting and chafing and champing upon the bit, 
in restive silence. 

It seems, by some strange and inscrutable fatality, 
to be the destiny of most countries, (and more espe- 
cially of your enlightened republics,) always to be 
governed by the most incompetent man in the na- 
tion — so that you will scarcely find an individual, 
throughout the whole community, who cannot point 
out innumerable errors in administration, and con- 
vince you, in the end, that had he been at the head 
of affairs, matters would have gone on a thousand 
times more prosperously. Strange ! that government, 
which seems to be so generally understood, should 
invariably be so erroneously administered — strange, 
that the talent of legislation, so prodigally bestowed, 
should be denied to the only man in the nation to 
w^hose station it is requisite ! 

Thus it was in the present instance ; not a man 
of all the herd of pseudo politicians in New-Amster- 
dam, but was an oracle on topics of state, and could 
have directed public affairs incomparably better than 
Peter Stuyvesant. But so severe was the old gover- 
nor, in his disposition, that he would never suffer one 
of the multitude of able counsellors by whom he 
was surrounded, to intrude his advice, and save the 
country from destruction. 

Scarcely, therefore, had he departed on his expe- 
dition against the Swedes, than the old factions of 
William Kieft's reign began to thrust their heads 
above water, and to gather together in political 
meetings, to discuss " the state of the nation." At 



PSEUDO POLITICIANS. 149 

these assemblages, the busy burgomasters and their 
officious schepens made a very considerable figure. 
These worthy dignitaries were no longer the fat, 
well-fed, tranquil magistrates that presided in the 
peaceful days of Wouter Van Twiller — on the con- 
trary, being elected by the people, they formed in a 
manner a sturdy bulwark between the mob and the 
administration. They were great candidates for pop- 
ularity, and strenuous advocates for the rights of the 
rabble ; resembling in disinterested zeal the wide- 
mouthed tribunes of ancient Rome, or those virtuous 
patriots of modern days, emphatically denominated 
" the friends of the people." 

Under the tuition of these profound politicians, it 
is astonishing how suddenly enlightened the swinish 
multitude became, in matters above their compre- 
hensions. Cobblers, tinkers, and tailors, all at once 
felt themselves inspired, like those religious idiots, in 
the glorious times of monkish illumination; and, with- 
out any previous study or experience, became in- 
stantly capable of directing all the movements of 
government. Nor must I neglect to mention a num- 
ber of superannuated, wrong-headed old burghers, 
who had come over, when boys, in the crew of the 
Goede Vrouw^ and were held up as infallible oracles 
by the enlightened mob. To suppose that a man 
who had helped to discover a country, did not know 
how it ought to be governed, was preposterous in the 
extreme. It would have been deemed as much a 
heresy, as at the present day to question the political 
talents and universal infallibility of our old " heroes 
N2 



150 POLITICAL FACTIONS. 

of '76" — and to doubt that he who had fought for a 
government, however stupid he might naturally be, 
was not competent to fill any station under it. 

But as Peter Stuyvesant had a singular inclination 
to govern his province without the assistance of his 
subjects, he felt highly incensed on his return to find 
the factious appearance they had assumed during his 
absence. His first measure, therefore, was to restore 
perfect order, by prostrating the dignity of the sov- 
ereign people. 

He accordingly watched his opportunity, and one 
evening, when the enlightened mob was gathered 
together, listening to a patriotic speech from an in- 
spired cobbler, the intrepid Peter all at once ap- 
peared among tliem, with a countenance sufficient to 
petrify a mill-stone. The whole meeting was thrown 
into consternation — the orator seemed to have re- 
ceived a paralytic stroke in the very middle of a 
sublime sentence, and stood aghast with open mouth 
and trembHng knees, while the words horror! ty- 
ranny ! liberty ! rights ! taxes ! death ! destruction ! 
and a deluge of other patriotic phrases, came roaring 
from his throat, before he had power to close his 
lips. The shrewd Peter took no notice of the skulk- 
ing throng around him, but advancing to the brawling 
bully-ruffian, and drawing out a huge silver watch 
which might have served in times of yore as a town 
clock, and which is still retained by his descendants 
as a family curiosity, requested the orator to mend 
it, and set it going. The orator humbly confessed it 
was utterly out of his power, as he was unacquainted 



PETER'S DIGNIFIED REPROOF. 151 

with the nature of its construction. "Nay, but," 
said Peter, " try your ingenuity, man ; you see all 
the springs and wheels, and how easily the clumsiest 
hand may stop it, and pull it to pieces ; and why 
should it not be equally easy to regulate as to stop 
it ?" The orator declared that his trade was wholly 
different — that he was a poor cobbler, and had never 
meddled with a watch in his life — that there were 
men skilled in the art, whose business it was to at- 
tend, to those matters, but for his part, he should only 
mar the workmanship, and put the whole in confusion 
— " Why harkee, master of mine," cried Peter, turn- 
ing suddenly upon him, with a countenance that al- 
most petrified the patcher of shoes into a perfect lap- 
stone — " dost thou pretend to meddle with the move- 
ments of government — to regulate, and correct, and 
patch, and cobble a complicated machine, the prin- 
ciples of which are above thy comprehension, and 
its simplest operations too subtle for thy understand- 
ing ; when thou canst not correct a trifling error in 
a common piece of mechanism, the whole mystery 
of which is open to thy inspection? — Hence with 
thee to the leather and stone, which are emblems of 
thy head ; cobble thy shoes, and confine thyself to 
the vocation for which Heaven has fitted thee — But," 
elevating his voice until it made the welkin ring, " if 
ever I catch thee, or any of thy tribe, meddling again 
with affairs of government, by St. Nicholas, but Pll 
have every mother's bastard of ye flay'd alive, and 
your hides stretched for drum-heads, that ye may 
thenceforth make a noise to some purpose !" 



152 PETER'S TERRIFIC THREAT. 

This threat, and the tremendous voice in which it 
was uttered, caused the whole nnultitude to quake 
with fear. The hair of the orator arose on his head 
hke his own swine's bristles, and not a knight of the 
thimble present but his heart died within him, and 
he felt as though he could have verily escaped 
through the eye of a needle. 

But though this measure produced the desired 
effect in reducing the community to order, yet it 
tended to injure the popularity of the great Peter 
among the enlightened vulgar. Many accused him 
of entertaining highly aristocratic sentiments, and of 
leaning too much in favour of the patricians. In- 
deed, there appeared to be some ground for such an 
accusation, as he always carried himself with a very 
lofty, soldier-like port, and was somewhat particular 
in his dress ; dressing himself, when not in uniform, 
in simple, but rich apparel, and was especially noted 
for having his sound leg (which was a very comely 
one) always arrayed in a red stocking, and high- 
heeled shoe. Though a man of great simplicity of 
manners, yet there was something about him that re- 
pelled rude familiarity, while it encouraged frank, 
and even social intercourse. 

He likewise observed some appearance of court 
ceremony and etiquette. He received the common 
class of visiters on the stoop^ before his door, accord- 
ing to the custom of our Dutch ancestors. But 



* Properly spelled stoeb — the porch commonly built in front 
of Dutch houses, with benches on each side. 



PETER'S COURT ETIQUETTE 153 

wheQ visiters were formally received in his parlour, 
it was expected they would appear in clean linen ; 
by no means to be bare-footed, and always to take 
their hats off. On public occasions, he appeared 
with great pomp of equipage, (for, in truth, his sta- 
tion required a little show and dignity,) and always 
rode to church in a yellow wagon with flaming red 
wheels. 

These symptoms of state and ceremony occasioned 
considerable discontent among the vulgar. They had 
been accustomed to find easy access to their former 
governors, and in particular Ifad lived on terms of 
extrem.e familiarity with William the Testy, They 
therefore were very impatient of these dignified pre- 
cautions, which discouraged intrusion. But Peter 
Stuyvesant had his own way of thinking in these 
matters, and was a staunch upholder of the dignity 
of office. 

He always maintained that government to be the 
least popular which is most open to popular access 
and control; and that the very brawlers against court 
ceremony, and the reserve of men in power, would 
soon despise rulers among whom they found even 
themselves to be of consequence. Such, at least, 
had been the case with the administration of William 
the Testy; who, bent on making himself popular, 
had listened to every man's advice, suffered every 
body to have admittance to his person at all hours, 
and, in a word, treated every one as his thorough 
equal. By this means, every scrub politician, and 
public busy body, was enabted to measure wits with 



1:54 MYSTERIES OF GOVERNMENT. 

him, and to find out the true dimensions, not only of 
his person, but his mind — And what great man can 
stand such scrutiny? — It is the mystery that envelops 
great men that gives them half their greatness. We 
are always inclined to think highly of those who hold 
themselves aloof from our examination. There is 
likewise a kind of superstitious reverence for office, 
which leads us to exaggerate the merits and abilities 
of men in pow^er, and to suppose that they must be 
constituted different from other men. And, indeed, 
faith is as necessary in politics as in religion. It 
certainly is of the fii^t importance, that a country 
should be governed by wise men ; but then it is al- 
most equally important, that the people should believe 
them to be wise ; for this behef alone can produce 
willing subordination. 

To keep up, therefore, this desirable confidence in 
rulers, the people should be allowed to see as little 
of them as possible. He who gains access to cabi- 
nets soon finds out by what foolishness the world is 
governed. He discovers that there is quackery in 
legislation, as well as in every thing else ; that many 
a measure, which is supposed by the million to be 
the result of great wisdom and deep deliberation, is 
the effect of mere chance, or, perhaps, of hairbrained 
experiment — that rulers have their whims and errors 
as well as other men, and after all are not so won- 
derfully superior to their fellow-creatures as he at 
first imagined ; since he finds that even his own 
opinions have had some weight with them. Thus 
awe subsides into confidence, confidence inspires 



FAMILY PRIDE. 155 

familiarity, and familiarity produces contempt. Peter 
Stuyvesant, on the contrary, by conducting himself 
with dignity and loftiness, was looked up to with 
great reverence. As he never gave his reasons for 
any thing he did, the public always gave him credit 
for very profound ones — every movement, however 
ntrinsically unimportant, was a matter of specula- 
tion, and his very red stockings excited some respect, 
as being different from the stockings of other men. 

To these times may we refer the rise of family 
pride and aristocratic distinctions ;* and indeed, I 
cannot but look back with reverence to the early 
planting of those mighty Dutch families, which have 
taken such vigorous root, and branched out so luxu- 
riantly in our state. The blood which has flowed 
down uncontaminated through a succession of steady, 
virtuous generations since the times of the patriarchs 
of Communipaw, must certainly be pure and worthy. 
And if so, then are the Van Rensselaers, the Van 
Zandts, the Van Homes, the Rutgers, the Bensons, 
the Brinkerhoffs, the Schermerhornes, and all the 
true descendants of the ancient Pavonians, the only 
legitimate nobility and real lords of the soil. 

I have been led to mention thus particularly the 
well-authenticated claims of our genuine Dutch fam- 



* In a work published many years after the time here treated 
of, (in 1701, by C. W. A. M.) it is mentioned that Frederick 
Philipse was counted the richest Mynher in New-York, and 
was said to have whole hogsheads of Indian money or wampum ; 
and bad a son and daughter, who, according to the Dutch 
custom, should divide it equally. 



156 PETER'S OPINIONS ON GOVERNMENT. 

ilies, because I have noticed with great sorrow and 
vexation, that they have been somewhat elbowed 
aside in latter days by foreign intruders. It is really 
astonishing to behold how many great families have 
sprung up of late years, who pride themselves exces- 
sively on the score of ancestry. Thus he who can 
look up to his father without humihation assumes not 
a little importance — he who can safely talk of his 
grandfather, is still more vain-glorious — but he who 
can look back to his great-grandfather without blush- 
ing, is absolutely intolerable in his pretensions to fam- 
ily — bless us ! what a piece of work is here, between 
these mushrooms of an hour, and these mushrooms 
of a day ! 

But from what I have recounted in the former 
part of this chapter, I would not have my reader 
imagine that the great Peter was a tyrannical gov- 
ernor, ruling his subjects with a rod of iron — on the 
contrary, where the dignity of authority was not 
implicated, he abounded with generosity and cour- 
teous condescension. In fact, he really believed, 
though I fear my more enlightened republican readers 
will consider it a proof of his ignorance and illiber- 
ality, that in preventing the cup of social life from 
being dashed with the intoxicating ingredient of pol- 
itics, he promoted the tranquillity and happiness of 
the people — and by detaching their minds from sub- 
jects which they could not understand, and which 
only tended to inflame their passions, he enabled 
them to attend more faithfully and industriously to 



J 



CUSTOM OF CRACKING EGGS. 1 57 

their proper callings ; becoming more useful citizens, 
and more attentive to their fannilies and fortunes. 

So far from having any unreasonable austerity, he 
delighted to see the poor and the labouring man re- 
joice, and for this purpose was a great promoter of 
holydays and public amusements. Under his reign 
was first introduced the custom of cracking eggs at 
Paas, or Easter. New-year's day was also observed 
with extravagant festivity, and ushered in by the ring- 
ing of bells and firing of guns. Every house was a 
temple to the jolly god — oceans of cherry brandy, 
true Hollands, and mulled cider, were set afloat on 
the occasion ; and not a poor man in town, but made 
it a point to get drunk, out of a principle of pure 
economy — taking in liquor enough to serve him for 
half a year afterwards. 

It would have done one's heart good, also, to have 
seen the valiant Peter, seated among the old burgh- 
ers and their wives of a Saturday afternoon, under 
the great trees that spread their shade over the Bat- 
tery, watching the young men and women, as they 
danced on the green. Here he would smoke his 
pipe, crack his joke, and forget the rugged toils of 
war in the sweet oblivious festivities of peace. He 
would occasionally give a nod of approbation to those 
of the young men who shuffled and kicked most vigo- 
rously, and now and then give a hearty smack, in all 
honesty of soul, to the buxom lass that held out long- 
est, and tired down all her competitors, which he 
considered as infallible proofs of her being the best 
dancer. Once, it is true, the harmony of the meeting 

Vol. II. O 



158 PETER'S MODESTY SHOCKED. 

was rather interrupted. A young vrouw, of great 
figure in the gay world, and who, having lately come 
from Holland, of course led the fashions in the city, 
made her appearance in not more than half-a-dozen 
petticoats, and these too of most alarming shortness. 
An universal whisper ran through the assembly, the 
old ladies all felt shocked in the extreme, the young 
ladies blushed, and felt excessively for the " poor 
thing," and even the governor himself was observed 
to be a little troubled in mind. To complete the 
astonishment of the good folks, she undertook, in the 
course of a jig, to describe some astonishing figures 
in algebra, which she had learned from a dancing- 
master at Rotterdam. Whether she was too animated 
in flourishing her feet, or whether some vagabond 
zephyr took the liberty of obtruding his services, cer- 
tain it is that in the course of a grand evolution, 
which would not have disgraced a modern ball-room, 
she made a most unexpected display — whereat the 
whole assembly was thrown into great admiration, 
several grave country members were not a little 
moved, and the good Peter himself, who was a man 
of unparalleled modesty, felt himself grievously scan- 
dalized. 

The shortness of the female dresses, which had 
continued in fashion ever since the days of William 
Kieft, had long offended his eye, and though ex- 
tremely averse to meddling with the petticoats of the 
ladies, yet he immediately recommended that every 
one should be furnished with a flounce to the bottom. 
He likewise ordered that the ladies, and indeed the 



PETER'S RESTRICTIONS ON DANCING. 1 59 

gentlemen, should use no other step in dancing, than 
shuffle-and-turn, and double-trouble ; and forbade, 
under pain of his high displeasure, any young lady 
thenceforth to attempt what was termed " exhibiting 
the graces." 

These were the only restrictions he ever imposed 
upon the sex, and these were considered by them as 
tyrannical oppressions, and resisted with that becom- 
ing spirit, always manifested by the gentle sex, when- 
ever their privileges are invaded. — In fact, Peter 
Stuyvesant plainly perceived, that if he attempted to 
push the matter any farther, there was danger of their 
leaving off petticoats altogether; so like a wise man, 
experienced in the ways of women, he held his peace, 
and suffered them ever after to wear their petticoats 
and cut their capers as high as they pleased. 



( 160 ) 



CHAPTER II. 

How Peter Stuyvesant rvas much molested hy the Moss- 
troopers of the East^ and the Giants of Merryland 

. — and how a dark and horrid conspiracy was car- 
ried on in the British Cabinet against the prosperity 
of the Manhattoes. 

We are now approaching towards the crisis of 
our work, and if I be not mistaken in my forebod- 
ings, we shall have a world of business to despatch 
in the ensuing chapters. 

It is with some communities, as it is with certain 
meddlesome individuals, they have a wonderful fa- 
cility at getting into scrapes ; and I have always re- 
marked, that those are most liable to get in, who 
have the least talent at getting out again. This is, 
doubtless, owing to the excessive valour of those 
states ; for I have likewise noticed that this rampant 
and ungovernable quality is always most unruly 
where most confined; which accounts for its vapour- 
ing so amazingly in little states, little men, and ugly 
little women especially. 

Thus, when one reflects, that the province of the 
Manhattoes, though of prodigious importance in the 
eyes of its inhabitants and its historian, was really of 
no very great consequence in the eyes of the rest of 
the world ; that it had but little wealth or other 
spoils to reward the trouble of assailing it, and that 



BORDER HOSTILITIES. Iftf 

it had nothing to expect from running wantonly into 
war, save an exceeding good beating. — On pondering 
these things, I say, one would utterly despair of find- 
ing in its history either battles or bloodshed, or any 
other of those calamities which give importance to a 
nation, and entertainment to the reader. But, on 
the contrary, we find, so valiant is this province, that 
it has already drawn upon itself a host of enemies ; 
has had as many buffetings as would gratify the am- 
bition of the most warhke nation ; and is, in sober 
sadness, a very forlorn, distressed, and woe-begone 
little province ! — all which was, no doubt, kindly or- 
dered by Providence, to give interest and sublimity 
to this pathetic history. 

But I forbear to enter into a detail of the pitiful 
maraudings and harassments, that, for a long while 
after the victory on the Delaware, continued to insult 
the dignity, and disturb the repose, of the Neder- 
landers. Suffice it in brevity to say, that the impla- 
cable hostility of the people of the east, which had 
so miraculously been prevented from breaking out, 
as my readers must remember, by the sudden preva- 
lence of witchcraft, and the dissensions in the coun- 
cil of Amphyctions, now again displayed itself in a 
thousand grievous and bitter scourings upon the 
borders. 

Scarcely a month passed but what the Dutch set- 
tlements on the frontiers were alarmed by the sudden 
appearance of an invading army from Connecticut. 
This would advance resolutely through the country, 
like a puissant caravan of the deserts, the women 
02 



162 INVASIONS FROM CONNECTICUT. 

and children mounted in carts loaded with pots a*.*! 
kettles, as though they meant to boil the honest 
Dutchmen alive, and devour them like so many lob- 
sters. At the tails of these carts would stalk a crew 
of long-limbed, lank-sided varlets, with axes on their 
shoulders and packs on their backs, resolutely bent 
upon improving the country in despite of its pro- 
prietors. These, settling themselves down, would in 
a short time completely dislodge the unfortunate 
Nederlanders ; elbowing them out of those rich bot- 
toms and fertile valleys, in which our Dutch yeoman- 
ry are so famous for nestling themselves. For it is 
notorious, that wherever these shrewd men of the 
east get a footing, the honest Dutchmen do gradually 
disappear, retiring slowly, like the Indians before the 
whites ; being totally discomfited by the talking, 
chaffering, swapping, bargaining disposition of their 
new neighbours. 

All these audacious infringements on the territories 
of their High Mightinesses were accompanied, as has 
before been hinted, by a world of rascally brawls, 
ribroastings, and bundlings, which would doubtless 
have incensed the valiant Peter to wreak immediate 
chastisement, had he not at the very same time been 
perplexed by distressing accounts from Mynher Beck- 
man, who commanded the territories at South river. 

The restless Swedes, who had so graciously been 
suffered to remain about the Delaware, already be- 
gan to show signs of mutiny and disaffection. But 
what was worse, a peremptory claim was laid to the 
whole territory, as the rightful property of Lord Bal- 



FENDAL'S ROARING BOYS. 163 

timore, by Fendal, a chieftain who ruled over the 
colony of Maryland, or Merry-land, as it was an- 
ciently called, because that the inhabitants, not hav- 
ing the fear of the Lord before their eyes, were no- 
toriously prone to get fuddled and make merry with 
mint-julep and apple-toddy. Nay, so hostile was this 
bully Fendal, that he threatened, unless his claim 
was instantly complied with, to march incontinently 
at the head of a potent force of the roaring boys of 
Merryland, together with a great and mighty traini 
of giants, who infested the banks of the Susquehanna* 
— and to lay waste and depopulate the whole coun- 
try of South river. 

By this it is manifest, that this boasted colony, like 
all great acquisitions of territory, soon became a 
greater evil to the conqueror than the loss of it was 
to the conquered ; and caused greater uneasiness 
and trouble than all the territory of the New-Neth- 
erlands besides. Thus Providence wisely orders that 

* We find very curious and wonderful accounts of these 
strange people (who were doubtless the ancestors of the present 
Marylanders) made by Master Harlot, in his interesting history 
"The Susquesahanocks," observes he, *'are a giantly people 
strange in proportion, behaviour, and attire — their voice sound- 
ing from them as if out of a cave. Their tobacco-pipes were 
three quarters of a yard long, carved at the great end with a 
bird, beare, or other device, sufficient to beat out the braines 
of a horse, (and how many asses braines are beaten out, or 
rather men's braines smoked out, and asses braines haled in, by 
our lesser pipes at home.) The calfe of one of their legges 
measured three quarters of a yard about, the rest of his limbs 
proportionable." — Master HarioVs Joum. Purch. Pil. 



164 DANGER OF EXTENDED CONQUESTS. 

one evil shall balance another. The conqueror who 
wrests the property of his neighbour, who wrongs a 
nation and desolates a country, though he may ac- 
quire increase of empire and immortal fame, yet in- 
sures his own inevitable punishment. He takes to 
himself a cause of endless anxiety — he incorporates 
with his late sound domain a loose part — a rotten 
disaffected member ; which is an exhaustless source 
of internal treason and disunion, and external alter- 
cation and hostility. Happy is that nation, which 
compact, united, loyal in all its parts, and concen- 
trated in its strength, seeks no idle acquisition of un- 
profitable and ungovernable territory — which, con- 
tent to be prosperous and happy, has no ambition to 
be great. It is like a man well organized in his sys- 
tem, sound in health, and full of vigour ; unencum- 
bered by useless trappings, and fixed in an unshaken 
attitude. But the nation, insatiable of territory, 
whose domains are scattered, feebly united and 
weakly organized, is like a senseless miser sprawling 
among golden stores, open to every attack, and unable 
to defend the riches he vainly endeavours to over- 
shadow. 

At the time of receiving the alarming despatches 
from South river, the great Peter was busily employ- 
ed in quelling certain Indian troubles that had broken 
out about Esopus, and was moreover meditating how 
to relieve his eastern borders on the Connecticut. 
He, however, sent word to Mynher Beckman to be 
of good heart, to maintain incessant vigilance, and to 



DECEITFUL CALM IN THE SOUTH. 165 

let him know if matters wore a more threatening ap- 
pearance ; in which case he would incontinently re- 
pair with his warriors of the Hudson, to spoil the 
merriment of these Merry-landers ; for he coveted 
exceedingly to have a bout, hand to hand, with some 
half a score of these giants — having never encoun- 
tered a giant in his whole life, unless we may so call 
he stout Risingh, and he was but a little one. 

Nothing farther, however, occurred to molest the 
tranquilHty of Mynher Beckman and his colony. 
Fendal and his myrmidons remained at home, carous- 
"''ng it soundly upon hoe-cakes, bacon, and mint-julep, 
and running horses, and fighting cocks, for which they 
were greatly renowned. — At hearing of this, Peter 
Stuyvesant was very well pleased, for notwithstand- 
ing his inclination to measure weapons with these 
monstrous men of the Susquehanna, yet he had al- 
ready as much employment nearer home as he could 
turn his hands to. Little did he think, worthy soul, 
that this southern calm was but the deceitful prelude 
to a most terrible and fatal storm, then brewing, 
which was soon to burst forth and overwhelm the 
unsuspecting city of New-Amsterdam ! 

Now so it was, that while this excellent governor 
was giving his little senate laws, and not only giving 
them, but enforcing them too — while he was inces- 
santly travelling the rounds of his beloved province 
— posting from place to place to redress grievances, 
and while busy at one corner of his dominions all 
the rest getting into an uproar — at this very time, I 



166 PLOT OF THE BRITISH CABINET. 

say, a dark and direful plot was hatching against him, 
in that nursery of monstrous projects, the British cab- 
inet. The news of his achievements on the Dela- 
ware, according to a sage old historian of New-Am- 
sterdam, had occasioned not a little talk and marvel 
in the courts of Europe. And the same profound 
writer assures us, that the cabinet of England began 
to entertain great jealousy and uneasiness at the in- 
creasing power of the Manhattoes, and the valour of 
its sturdy yeomanry. 

Agents, the same historian observes, were sent by 
the Amphyctionic council of the east to entreat the 
assistance of the British cabinet in subjugating this 
mighty province. Lord Sterling also asserted his 
right to Long Island, and, at the same time. Lord 
Baltimore, whose agent, as has before been mentioned, 
had so alarmed Mynher Beckman, laid his claim be- 
fore the cabinet to the lands of South river, which 
he complained were unjustly and forcibly detained 
from him, by these daring usurpers of the Nieuw- 
Nederlandts. 

Thus did the unlucky empire of the Manhattoes 
stand in imminent danger of experiencing the fate of 
Poland, and being torn limb from limb to be shared 
among its savage neighbours. But while these rapa- 
cious powers were whetting their fangs, and waiting 
for the signal to fall tooth and nail upon this dehcious 
little fat Dutch empire, the lordly lion, who sat as 
umpire, all at once settled the claims of all parties, 
by laying his own paw upon the spoil. For we are 



CHARLES II.'S MUNIFICENT GIFT 167 

told, that his majesty, Charles the Second, not to be 
perplexed by adjusting these several pretensions, 
made a present of a large tract of North America, 
including the province of New-Netherlands, to his 
brother, the Duke of York — a donation truly royal, 
since none but great monarchs have a right to give 
away what does not belong to them. 

That this munificent gift might not be merely 
nominal, his majesty, on the 12th of March, 1664, 
ordered that an armament should be forthwith pre- 
pared, to invade the city of New- Amsterdam by land 
and water, and put his brother in complete possession 
of the premises. 

Thus critically are situated the affairs of the New- 
Netherlanders. The honest burghers, so far from 
thinking of the jeopardy in which their interests are 
placed, are soberly smoking their pipes, and thinking 
of nothing at all — the privy counsellors of the pro- 
vince are at this moment snoring in full quorum, 
while the active Peter, who takes all the labour of 
thinking and acting upon himself, is busily devising 
some method of bringing the grand council of Am- 
phyctions to terms. In the meanwhile, an angry 
cloud is darkly scowling on the horizon — soon shall 
it rattle about the ears of these dozing Nederlanders 
and put the mettle of their stout-hearted governor 
completely to the trial. 

But come what may, I here pledge my veracity 
that in all warlike conflicts and subtle perplexities, 
he shall still acquit himself with the gallant bearing 



168 THE AUTHOR SOUNDS A CHARGE. 

and spotless honour of a noble-minded obstinate old 
cavalier. — Forward then to the charge ! — shine out, 
propitious stars, on the renowned city of the Man- 
hattoes; and may the blessing of St. Nicholas go 
with thee— honest Peter Stuyvesant ! 



( 169 ) 



CHAPTER III. 

Of Peter Stuyvesanfs expedition into the East Coun- 
try^ showing that though an old bird, he did not wn- 
derstand trap. 

Great nations resemble great men in this particu- 
lar, that their greatness is seldom known until they 
get in trouble ; adversity, therefore, has been wisely 
denominated the ordeal of true greatness, which, like 
gold, can never receive its real estimation, until it 
has passed through the furnace. In proportion, there- 
fore, as a nation, a community, or an individual (pos- 
sessing the inherent quahty of greatness) is involved 
in perils and mifortunes, in proportion does it rise in 
grandeur — and even when sinking under calamity, 
makes, like a house on fire, a more glorious display 
than ever it did in the fairest period of its pros- 
perity. 

The vast empire of China, though teeming with 
population and imbibing and concentrating the 
wealth of nations, has vegetated through a succession 
of drowsy ages ; and were it not for its internal rev- 
olution, and the subversion of its ancient government 
by the Tartars, might have presented nothing but an 
uninteresting detail of dull, monotonous prosperity. 
Pompeii and Herculaneum might have passed into 
oblivion, with a herd of their contemporaries, if they 

Vol. II. P 



1 70 IMPORTANCE OF CALAMITIES. 

had not been fortunately overwhelmed by a volcano. 
The renowned city of Troy has acquired celebrity 
only from its ten years' distress, and final conflagra- 
tion — Paris rises in importance by the plots and mas- 
sacres which have ended in the exaltation of the il- 
lustrious Napoleon — and even the mighty London 
itself has skulked through the records of time, cele- 
brated for nothing of moment, excepting the plague, 
the great fire, and Guy Faux's gunpowder plot ! — 
Thus cities and empires seem to creep along, enlarg- 
ing in silent obscurity under the pen of the historian, 
until at length they burst forth in some tremendous 
calamity — and snatch, as it were, immortality from 
the explosion ! 

The above principle being admitted, my reader 
will plainly perceive that the city of New-Amster- 
dam, and its dependent province are on the high road 
to greatness. Dangers and hostilities threaten from 
every side, and it is really a matter of astonishment 
to me, how so small a state has been able, in so short 
a time, to entangle itself in so many difficulties. 
Ever since the province was first taken by the nose, 
at the Fort of Good Hope in the tranquil days of 
Wouter Van Twiller, has it been gradually increas 
ing in historic importance ; and never could it have 
had a more appropriate chieftain to conduct it to the 
pinnacle of grandeur, than Peter Stuyvesant. 

In the fiery heart of this iron-headed old warrior 
eat enthroned all those five kinds of courage describ- 
ed by Aristotle, and had the philosopher mentioned 
five hundred more to the back of them^ 1 verily be- 



PETER'S ROMANTIC RESOLUTION. 171 

lieve he would have been found master of them all. 
The only misfortune was, that he was deficient in 
the better part of valour called discretion, a cold- 
blooded virtue which could not exist in the tropical 
climate of his mighty soul. Hence it was, he was 
continually hurrying into those unheard-of enter- 
prises that give an air of chivalric romance to all his 
history, and hence it was that he now conceived a 
project worthy of the hero of La Mancha himself. 

This was no other than to repair in person to the 
great council of the Amphyctions, bearing the sword 
in one hand, and the olive-branch in the other — to 
require immediate reparation for the innumerable 
violations of that treaty which in an evil hour he had 
formed — to put a stop to those repeated maraudings 
on the eastern borders — or else to throw his gauntlet 
and appeal to arms for satisfaction. 

On declaring this resolution in his privy council, 
the venerable members were seized with vast aston- 
ishment ; for once in their lives they ventured to re- 
monstrate, setting forth the rashness of exposing his 
sacred person in the midst of a strange and barbarous 
people, with sundry other weighty remonstrances — 
all which had about as much influence upon the 
determination of the headstrong Peter, as though you 
were to endeavour to turn a rusty weathercock with 
a broken-winded bellows. 

Summoning, therefore, to his presence, his trusty 
follower, Antony Van Corlear, he commanded him 
to hold himself in readiness to accompany him, the 
following morning, on this his hazardous enterprise. 



1 72 PETER SETTETH FORTH. 

Now Antony the trumpeter was a little stricken in 
years, yet by dint of keeping up a good heart, and 
having never known care or sorrow, (having never 
been married,) he was still a hearty, jocund, rubicund, 
gamesome wag, and of great capacity in the doublet. 
This last was ascribed to his living a jolly life on 
those domains at the Hook, which Peter Stuyvesant 
had granted to him for his gallantry at Fort Casimir. 

Be this as it may, there was nothing that more de- 
lighted Antony than this command of the great Peter, 
for he could have followed the stout-hearted old gov- 
ernor to the world's end with love and loyalty — and 
he moreover still remembered the frolicking, and 
dancing, and bundhng, and other disports of the east 
country, and entertained dainty recollection of nu- 
merous kind and buxom lasses, whom he longed ex- 
ceedingly again to encounter. 

Thus then did this mirror of hardihood set forth, 
with no other attendant but his trumpeter, upon one 
of the most perilous enterprises ever recorded in the 
annals of knight-errantry. For a single warrior to 
venture openly among a whole nation of foes ; but, 
above all, for a plain downright Dutchman to think 
of negotiating with the whole council of New-England 
— never was there known a more desperate under- 
taking ! — Ever since I have entered upon the chroni- 
cles of this peerless but hitherto uncelebrated chief- 
tain, has he kept me in a state of incessant action and 
anxiety with the toils and dangers he is constantly 
encountering — Oh ! for a chapter of the tranquil 



PETER'S WARLIKE DISPOSITION. 173 

reign of Wouter Van Twiller, that 1 might repose on 
it as on a feather bed ! 

Is it not enough, Peter Stuyvesant, that I have 
once already rescued thee from the machinations of 
these terrible Amphyctions, by bringing the whole 
powers of witchcraft to thine aid ? — Is it not enough, 
that I have followed thee undaunted, like a guardian 
spirit, into the midst of the horrid battle of Fort 
Christina ? — That I have been put incessantly to my 
trumps to keep thee safe and sound — now warding 
off with my single pen the shower of dastard blows 
that fell upon thy rear — now narrowly shielding thee 
from a deadly thrust, by a mere tobacco-box — now 
casing thy dauntless skull with adamant, when even 
thy stubborn ram-beaver failed to resist the sword of 
the stout Risingh — and now, not merely bringing 
thee off alive, bjt triumphant, from the clutches of 
the gigantic Swede, by the desperate means of a 
paltry stone pottle ? — Is not all this enough, but must 
thou still be plunging into new difficulties, and jeop- 
ardizing in headlong enterprises, thyself, thy trum- 
peter, and thy historian ? 

And now the ruddy-faced Aurora, Hke a buxom 
chamber-maid, draws aside the sable curtains of the 
night, and out bounces from his bed the jolly red- 
haired Phoebus, startled at being caught so late in 
the embraces of Dame Thetis. With many a sable 
oath, he harnesses his brazen-footed steeds, and whips 
and lashes, and splashes up the firmament, like a 
loitering post-boy, half an hour behind his time. And 
now behold that imp of fame and prowess, the head- 
P2 



1 74 PETER'S CHARGER AND ANTONY'S MARE. 

strong Peter, bestriding a raw-boned, switch-tailed 
charger, gallantly arrayed in full regimentals, and 
bracing on his thigh that trusty brass-hilted sword, 
which had wrought such fearful deeds on the banks 
of the Delaware. 

Behold, hard after him, his doughty trumpeter Van 
Corlear, mounted on a broken-winded, wall-eyed, 
caHco mare; his stone pottle, which had laid low the 
mighty Risingh, slung under his arm, and his trumpet 
displayed vauntingly in his right hand, decorated with 
a gorgeous banner, on which is emblazoned the great 
beaver of the Manhattoes. See them proudly issuing 
out of the city gate like an iron-clad hero of yore, 
with his faithful "squire at his heels, the populace fol- 
lowing them with their eyes, and shouting many a 
parting wish and hearty cheering — Farewell, Hard- 
koppig Piet ! Farewell, honest Antony ! — Pleasant 
be your wayfaring — prosperous your return ! The 
stoutest hero that ever drew a sword, and the wor- 
thiest trumpeter that ever trod shoe-leather! 

Legends are lamentably silent about the events 
that befell our adventurers in this their adventurous 
travel, excepting the Stuyvesant manuscript, which 
gives the substance of a pleasant Httle heroic poem, 
written on the occasion by Domini ^gidius Luyck,* 
who appears to have been the poet laureat of New- 



* This Luyck was, moreover, rector of the Latin School in 
Nieuw-Nederlandt, 1663. There are two pieces addressed to 
^gidius Luyck, in D. Selyn's MSS. of poesies, upon his mar- 
riage with Judith Isendoorn. Old MS. 



BLOEMEN DAEL. 175 

Amsterdam, This inestimable manuscript assures us, 
that it was a rare spectacle to behold the great Peter 
and his loyal follower, hailing the morning sun, and 
rejoicing in the clear countenance of nature, as they 
pranced it through the pastoral scenes of Bloemen 
Dael ;* which in those days was a sweet and rural 
valley, beautified with many a bright wild flower, re- 
freshed by many a pure streamlet, and enlivened 
here and there by a delectable little Dutch cottage, 
sheltered under some sloping hill, and almost buried 
in embowering trees. 

Now did they enter upon the confines of Connec- 
ticut, where they encountered many grievous diffi- 
culties and perils. At one place they were assailed 
by a troop of country 'squires and militia colonels, 
who, mounted on goodly steeds, hung upon their rear 
for several miles, harassing them exceedingly with 
guesses and questions, more especially the worthy 
Peter, whose silver-chased leg excited not a Httle 
marvel. At another place, hard by the renowned 
town of Stamford, they were set upon by a great and 
mighty legion of church deacons, who imperiously 
demanded of them five shillings, for travelling on 
Sunday, and threatened to carry them captive to a 
neighbouring church, whose steeple peered above the 
trees ; but these the valiant Peter put to rout with 
little diflSculty, insomuch that they bestrode their 
canes and galloped off* in horrible confusion, leaving 

* Now called Blooming Dale, about four miles from New- 
York. 



176 THEIR PERILOUS PROGRESS. 

their cocked hats behind in the hurry of their flight 
But not so easily did he escape from the hands of a 
crafty man of Piquag; who, with undaunted perse- 
verance, and repeated onsets, fairly bargained him 
out of his goodly switch-tailed charger, leaving in 
place thereof a villanous foundered Narraganset 
pacer. 

Bat, maugre all these hardships, they pursued their 
journey cheerily along the course of the soft flowing 
Connecticut, whose gentle wave, says the song, roll 
through many a fertile vale and sunny plain ; now 
reflecting the lofty spires of the bustling city, and 
now the rural beauties of the humble hamlet ; now 
echoing with the busy hum of commerce, and now 
with the cheerful song of the peasant. 

At every town would Peter Stuyvesant, who was 
noted for warlike punctilio, order the sturdy Antony 
to sound a courteous salutation ; though the manu- 
script observes, that the inhabitants were thrown into 
great dismay ^/hen they heard of his approach. 
For the fame of his incomparable achievements on 
the Delaware had spread throughout the east coun- 
try, and they dreaded lest he had come to take ven- 
geance on their manifold transgressions. 

But the good Peter rode through these towns with 
a smilmg aspect; waving his hand with inexpressible 
majesty and condescension ; for he verily believed 
that the old clothes which these ingenious people 
had thrust into their broken windows, and the fes- 
toons of dried apples and peaches which ornamented 
the fronts of their houses, were so many decorationt 



PETER'S NEGOTIATIONS. 177 

in honour of his approach ; as it was the custom, in 
the dajs of chivalry, to compHment renowned heroes, 
by sumptuous displays of tapestry and gorgeous fur- 
niture. The women crowded to the doors to gaze 
upon him as he passed, so much does prowess in 
arms delight the gentle sex. The little children too, 
ran after him in troops, staring with wonder at his 
regimentals, his brimstone breeches, and the silver 
garniture of his wooden leg. Nor must I omit to 
mention the joy which many strapping wenches be- 
trayed at beholding the jovial Van Corlear, who had 
whilom delighted them so much with his trumpet, 
when he bore the great Peter's challenge to the Am- 
phyctions. The kind-hearted Antony alighted from 
his calico mare, and kissed them all with infinite 
loving kindness — and was right pleased to see a crew 
of little trumpeters crowding around him for his 
blessing ; each of whom he patted on the head, bade 
him be a good boy, and gave him a penny to buy 
molasses candy. 

The Stuyvesant manuscript makes but little farther 
mention of the governor's adventures upon this expe- 
dition, excepting that he was received with extrava- 
gant courtesy and respect by the great council of the 
Amphyctions, who almost talked him to death with 
complimentary and congratulatory harangues. I will 
not detain my readers by dwelling on his negotiations 
with the grand council. Suffice it to mention, it was 
like all other negotiations — a great deal was said, and 
very little done : one conversation led to another — 
one conference be^jjat misunderstandinsis which it took 



178 PETER'S IMMINENT JEOPARDY. 

a dozen conferences to explain; at the end of which, 
the parties found themselves just where they were 
at first ; excepting that they had entangled themselves 
in a host of questions of etiquette, and conceived a 
cordial distrust of each other, that rendered their fu- 
ture negotiations ten times more difficult than ever.* 

In the midst of all these perplexities, which be- 
wildered the brain and incensed the ire of the sturdy 
Peter, who was perhaps of all men in the world, least 
fitted for diplomatic wiles, he privately received the 
first intimation of the dark conspiracy which had 
been matured in the Cabinet of England. To this 
was added the astounding intelligence that a hostile 
squadron had already sailed from England, destined 
to reduce the province of New-Netherlands, and that 
the grand council of Amphyctions had engaged to co- 
operate, by sending a great army to invade New- 
Amsterdam by land. 

Unfortunate Peter ! did I not enter with sad fore- 
boding upon this ill-starred expedition? did I not 
tremble when I saw thee, with no other counsellor 
but thine own head, with no other armour but an 
honest tongue, a spotless conscience, and a rusty 
sword ! with no other protector but St. Nicholas — • 
and no other attendant but a trumpeter — did I not 
tremble when I beheld thee thus sally forth to con- 
tend with all the knowing powers of New-England ? 

* For certain of the particulars of this ancient negotiation, 
see Haz. Col. State Papers. It is singular that Smith is en- 
tirely silent with respect to this memorable expedition of Peter 
Stuyvesant. 



NEW- AMSTERDAM IN AN UPROAR. 1 79 

Oh, how did the sturdy old warrior rage and roar, 
when he found himself thus entrapped, like a lion in 
the hunter^s toil ! Now did he determine to draw his 
trusty sword, and manfully to fight his way through 
all the countries of the east. Now did he resolve to 
break in upon the council of the Amphyctions, and 
put every mother's son of them to death. At length, 
as his direful wrath subsided, he resorted to safer 
though less glorious expedients. 

Concealing from the council his knowledge of 
their machinations, he privately despatched a trusty 
messenger, with missives to his counsellors at New- 
Amsterdam, apprising them of the impending danget, 
commanding them immediately to put the city in a 
posture of defence, while in the mean time he would 
endeavour to elude his enemies and come to their as- 
sistance. This done, he felt himself marvellously re- 
lieved, rose slowly, shook himself like a rhinoceros, 
and issued forth from his den, in much the same 
manner as Giant Despair is described to have issued 
from Doubting Castle, in the chivalric history of the 
Pilgrim''s Progress. 

And now, much does it grieve me that I must 
leave the gallant Peter in this imminent jeopardy : 
but it behoves us to hurry back and see what is go- 
ing on at New-Amsterdam, for greatly do I fear that 
city is already in a turmoil. Such was ever the fate 
of Peter Stuyvesant; while doing one thing with 
heart and soul, he was too apt to leave every thing 
else at sixes and sevens. While, like a potentate of 
)'ore, he was absent, attending to those things in per- 



1 80 BAD EFFECTS OF PETER'S ABSENCE. 

son, which in modern days are trusted to generals 
and ambassadors, his httle territory at home was sure 
to get in an uproar — All which was owing to that 
uncommon strength of intellect which induced him 
to trust to nobody but himself, and which had ac- 
quired him the renowned appellation of Peter the 
Headstrong. 



( 184 ) 



CHAPTER IV. 



How the people of New-Amsterdam were thrown into 
a great panic ^ by the news of a threatened invasion^ 
and the manner in zohich they fortified themselves. 

There is no sight more truly interesting to a phi- 
losopher, than to contemplate a community, where 
every individual has a voice in public affairs, where 
every individual thinks himself the Atlas of the na- 
tion, and where every individual thinks it his duty to 
bestir himself for the good of his country — I say, 
there is nothing more interesting to a philosopher, 
than to see such a community in a sudden bustle of 
war. Such a clamour of tongues — such a bawling of 
patriotism — such running hither and thither — every 
body in a hurry — every body up to the ears in trouble 
— every body in the way, and every body interrupt- 
ing his industrious neighbour — who is busily employ- 
ed in doing nothing ! It is like witnessing a great fire, 
where every man is at work like a hero — some drag- 
ging about empty engines — others scampering with 
full buckets, and spilling the contents into the boots 
of their neighbours — and others ringing the church 
bells all night, by way of putting out the fire. Little 
firemen, like sturdy little knights storming a breach, 
clambering up and down scaling ladders, and bawl- 
ing through tin trumpets, by way of directing the 

Vol. II. Q 



1 82 ALL IN A BUSTLE. 

attack — Here one busy fellow, in his great zeal to 
save the property of the unfortunate, catches up an 
anonymous chamber utensil, and gallants it off with 
an air of as much self-importance, as if he had res- 
cued a pot of money — another throws looking-glasses 
and china out of the window, to save them from the 
flames, whilst those who can do nothing else, to as- 
sist the great calamity, run up and down the streets 
with open throats, keeping up an incessant cry of 
Fire! Fire! Fire! 

"When the news arrived at Sinope," says the 
grave and profound Lucian — though I own the story 
is rather trite, " that Philip was about to attack them, 
the inhabitants were thrown into violent alarm. 
Some ran to furbish up their arms ; others rolled 
stones to build up the walls — every body, in short, 
was employed, and every body was in the way of 
his neighbour. Diogenes alone was the only man 
who could find nothing to do — whereupon, deter- 
mining not to be idle when the welfare of his coun- 
try was at stake, he tucked up his robe, and fell to 
rolling his tub with might and main up and down the 
Gymnasium." In like manner did every mother's 
son, in the patriotic community of New-Amsterdam 
on receiving the missives of Peter Stuyvesant, busy 
himself most mightily in putting things in confusion, 
and assisting the general uproar. " Every man" — 
saith the Stuyvesant manuscript- — " flew to arms !" — 
by which is meant, that not one of our honest Dutch 
citizens would venture to church or to market, with- 
out an old-fashioned spit of a sword dangling at his 



PANIC AT NEW-AMSTERDAM. 183 

side, and a long Dbtch fowling-piece on his shoulder 
— nor would he go out of a night without a lantern; 
nor turn a corner without first peeping cautiously 
round, lest he should come unawares upon a British 
army — And we are informed that Stoffel BrinkerhofT, 
who was considered by the old women almost as 
brave a man as the governor himself — actually had 
two one-pound swivels mounted in his entry, one 
pointing out at the front door, and the other at the 
back. 

But the most strenuous measure resorted to on 
this awful occasion, and one which has since been 
found of wonderful efficacy, was to assemble popu- 
lar meetings. These brawling convocations, T have 
already shown, were extremely offensive to Peter 
Stuyvesant, but as this was a moment of unusual 
agitation, and as the old governor was not present to 
repress them, they broke out with intolerable vio- 
lence. Hither, therefore, the orators and politicians 
repaired, and there seemed to be a competition among 
them who should bawl the loudest, and exceed the 
others in hyperbolical bursts of patriotism, and in 
resolutions to uphold and defend the government. 
In these sage and all-powerful meetings, it was de- 
termined, nem. con. that they were the most enlight- 
ened, the most dignified, the most formidable, and 
the most ancient community upon the face of the 
earth. Finding that this resolution was so univer- 
sally and readily carried, another was immediately 
proposed — whether it were not possible and politic 
to exterminate Great Britain ? upon which sixty-nine 



184 A PATRIOTIC BONFIRE. 

members spoke most eloquently in the affirmative, 
and only one arose to suggest some doubts — who, as a 
punishment for his treasonable presumption, was im- 
mediately seized by the mob, and tarred and feather- 
ed — which punishment being equivalent to the Tar- 
peian Rock, he was afterwards considered as an out- 
cast from society, and his opinion went for nothing. 
The question, therefore, being unanimously carried 
in the affirmative, it was recommended to the grand 
council to pass it into a law ; which was accordingly 
done. — By this measure, the hearts of the people at 
large were wonderfully encouraged, and they waxed 
exceeding choleric and valorous. Iiideed, the first 
paroxysm of alarm having in some measure sub- 
sided ; tlie old women having buried all the money 
they could lay their hands on, and their husbands 
daily getting fuddled with what was left — the com- 
munity began even to stand on the offensive. Songs 
were manufactured in Low Dutch, and sung about 
the streets, wherein the English were most wofully 
beaten, and shown no quarter ; and popular addresses 
were made, wherein it was proved to a certainty that 
the fate of Old England depended upon the will of 
the New-Amsterdammers. 

Finally, to strike a violent blow at the very vitals of 
Great Britain, a multitude of the wiser inhabitants as- 
sembled, and having purchased all the British manu- 
factures they could find, they made thereof a huge 
bonfire ; and in the patriotic glow of the moment, 
every man present, who had a hat or breeches of 
English workmanship, pulled it off, and threw it most 



A POLE ERECTED. 1 85 

undauntedly into the flames — to the irreparable det- 
riment, loss, and ruin, of the English manufacturers. 
In commemoration of this great exploit, they erected 
a pole on the spot, with a device on the top intended 
to represent the province of Nieuw-Nederlandts de- 
stroying Great Britain, under the similitude of an 
eagle picking the little island of Old England out of 
the globe; but either through the unskilfulness of the 
sculptor, or his ill-timed waggery, it bore a striking 
resemblance to a goose, vainly striving to get hold of 
a dumpling. 



Q2 



( 186 ) 



CHAPTER V 

Showing how the grand Council of the New-Nether- 
lands came to he miraculously gifted with long 
tongues — together with a great triumph of Econ- 
omy. 

It will need but very little penetration in any one 
acquainted with the character and habits of that 
most potent and blustering monarch, the sovereign 
people, to discover, that, notwithstanding all the bustle 
and talk of war that stunned him in the last chapter, 
the renowned city of New-Amsterdam is, in sad re- 
ality, not a whit better prepared for defence than be- 
fore. Now, though the people, having gotten over 
the first alarm, and finding no enemy immediately at 
hand, had, Vv^ith that valour of tongue, for which 
your illustrious rabble is so famous, run into the op- 
posite extreme, and by dint of gallant vapouring and 
rodomontado, had actually talked themselves into 
the opinion that they were the bravest and most 
powerful people under the sun, yet were the privy 
counsellors of Peter Stuyvesant somewhat dubious 
on that point. They dreaded moreover lest that 
stern hero should return, and find, that instead of 
obeying his peremptory orders, they had wasted their 
time in listening to the hectorings of the mob, than 
which, they well knew, there was nothing he held in 
more exalted contempt. 



LONG WINDY SPEECHES. 187 

To make up, therefore, as speedily as possible, 
for lost time, a grand divan of the counsellors and 
burgomasters was convened, to talk over the critical 
state of the province, and devise measures for its 
safety. Two things were unanimously agreed upon 
in this venerable assembly : — first, that the city re- 
quired to be put in a state of defence ; and, secondly, 
that as the danger was imminent, there should be no 
time lost — which points being settled, they imme- 
diately fell to making long speeches, and belabouring 
one another in endless and intemperate disputes. 
For about this time was this unhappy city first visited 
by that talking endemic, so universally prevalent in 
this country, and which so invariably evinces itself 
wherever a number of wise men assemble together ; 
breaking out in long, windy speeches, caused, as phy- 
sicians suppose, by the foul air which is ever gene- 
rated in a crowd. Now it was, moreover, that they 
first introduced the ingenious method of measuring 
the merits of a harangue by the hour-glass ; he being 
considered the ablest orator, who spoke longest on a 
question. For which excellent invention, it is re- 
corded, we are indebted to the same profound Dutch 
critic who judged of books by their size. 

This sudden passion for endless harangues, so little 
consonant with the customary gravity and taciturnity 
of our sage forefathers, was supposed by certain 
learned philosophers, to have been imbibed, together 
with divers other barbarous propensities, from their 
savage neighbours ; who were peculiarly noted for 
their long talks and council fires — who would never 



1 88 CAUSE OF THIS LOQUACITY. 

undertake any affair of the least importance, without 
previous debates and harangues among their chiefs 
and old men. But the real cause was, that the peo- 
ple, in electing their representatives to the grand 
council, were particular in choosing them for their 
talents at talking, without inquiring whether they 
possessed the more rare, difficult, and oft-times im- 
portant talent of holding their tongues. The conse- 
quence was, that this deliberative body was com- 
posed of the most loquacious men in the community. 
As they considered themselves placed there to talk, 
every man concluded that his duty to his constituents, 
and, what is more, his popularity with them, required 
that he should harangue on every subject, whether 
he understood it or not. There was an ancient mode 
of burying a chieftain, by every soldier throwing his 
shield full of earth on the corpse, until a mighty 
mound was formed ; so, whenever a question was 
brought forward in this assembly, every member 
pressing forward to throw on his quantum of wisdom, 
the subject was quickly buried under a huge mass of 
words. 

We are told, that when disciples were admitted in- 
to the school of Pythagoras, they were for two years 
enjoined silence, and were neither permitted to ask 
questions nor make remarks. After they had thus 
acquired the inestimable art of holding their tongues, 
they were gradually permitted to make inquiries, and 
finally to communicate their own opinions. 

What a pity is it, that, while superstitiously hoard- 
ing up the rubbish and rags of antiquity, we should 



REVIVAL OF FACTIONS. 189 

suffer these precious gems to lie unnoticed ! What a 
beneficial effect would this wise regulation of Pytha- 
goras have, if introduced in legislative bodies — and 
how wonderfully would it have tended to expedite 
business in the grand council of the Manhattoes ! 

Thus, however, did dame Wisdom, (whom the 
wags of antiquity have humorously personified as a 
woman,) seem to take mischievous pleasure in jilting 
the venerable counsellors of New-Amsterdam. The 
old factions of Long Pipes and Short Pipes, which 
had been almost strangled by the herculean grasp of 
Peter Stuyvesant, now sprung up with tenfold vio- 
lence. Not that the original cause of difference still 
existed, — but, it has ever been the fate of party 
names and party rancour to remain, long after the 
principles that gave rise to them have been forgotten. 
To complete the public confusion and bewilderment, 
the fatal word Economy^ which one would have 
thought was dead and buried with William the Testy, 
was once more set afloat, hke the apple of discord, 
in the grand council of Nieuw-Nederlandts — accord- 
ing to which sound principle of policy, it was deem- 
ed more expedient to throw away twenty thousand 
guilders upon an inefficacious plan of defence, than 
thirty thousand on a good and substantial one — the 
province thus making a clear saving of ten thousand 
guilders. 

But when they came to discuss the mode of de- 
fence, then began a war of words that baffles all de- 
scription. The members being, as I observed, enlist- 
ed in opposite parties, were enabled to proceed with 



190 PLANS OF DEFENCE 

amazing system and regularity in the discussion of 
the questions before them. Whatever was proposed 
by a Long Pipe, was opposed by the whole tribe of 
Short Pipes, who, like true politicians, considered it 
their first duty to effect the downfall of the Long 
Pipes — their second, to elevate themselves — and 
their third, to consult the welfare of the country. 
This at least was the creed of the most upright 
among the party ; for as to the great mass, they left 
the third consideration out of the question altogether. 

In this great collision of hard heads, it is astonish- 
ing the number of projects for defence that were 
struck out, not one of which had ever been heard of 
before, nor has been heard of since, unless it be in 
very modern days — projects that threw the wind- 
mill system of the ingenious Kieft completely in the 
back ground. Still, however, nothing could be de- 
cided on; for so soon as a formidable host of air 
castles were reared by one party, they were demol- 
ished by the other. The simple populace stood gaz- 
ing in anxious expectation of the mighty egg that 
was to be hatched with all this cackling ; but they 
gazed in vain, for it appeared that the grand council 
was determined to protect the province as did the 
noble and gigantic Pantagruel his army — by covering 
it with his tongue. 

Indeed, there was a portion of the members, con- 
sisting of fat, self-important old burghers, who smok- 
ed their pipes and said nothing, excepting to negative 
every plan of defence that was offered. These were 
of that class of wealthy old citizens, who, having 



NEGATIVED. 191 

amassed a fortune, button up their pockets, shut their 
mouths, look rich, and are good for nothing all the 
rest of their lives. Like some phlegmatic oyster, 
which having swallowed a pearl, closes its shell, set- 
tles down in the mud, and parts with its Hfe sooner 
than its treasure. Every plan of defence seemed to 
hese worthy old gentlemen pregnant with ruin. An 
armed force was a legion of locusts, preying upon 
the public property — to fit out a naval armament, 
was to throw their money into the sea — to build for- 
tifications, was to bury it in the dirt. In short, they 
settled it as a sovereign maxim, so loxg as their 
pockets were full, no matter how much they were 
drubbed — A kick left no scar — a broken head cured 
itself — but an empty purse was of all maladies the 
slowest to heal, and one in which nature did nothing 
for the patient. 

Thus did this venerable assembly of sages lavish 
away that time which the urgency of affairs rendered 
invaluable, in empty brawls and long-winded speeches, 
without ever agreeing, except on the point with 
which they started, namely, that there was no time 
to be lost, and delay was ruinous. At length St. 
Nicholas, taking compassion on their distracted situ- 
ation, and anxious to preserve them from anarchy, so 
ordered, that in the midst of one of their most noisj 
debates on the subject of fortification and defence, 
when they had nearly fallen to loggerheads in conse- 
quence of not being able to convince each other, tlie 
question was happily settled by a messenger, who 
bounced into the chamber and informed them that 



192 ARRIVAL OF THE ENEMY. 

the hostile fleet had arrived, and was actually advanc- 
ing up the bay ! 

Thus was all farther necessity of either fortifying 
or disputing completely obviated, and thus was the 
grand council saved a world of words, and the prov- 
ince a world of expense — a most absolute and glo- 
rious triumph of economy ! 



( 193 ) 



CHAPTER VI. 

In which the troubles of New-Amsterdam appear to 
thicken — showing the bravery^ in time of peril ^ of 
a people who defend themselves by resolutions. 

Like as an assemblage of politic cats, engaged in 
clamorous gibberings, and caterwaulings, eyeing one 
another with hideous grimaces, spitting in each other's 
faces, and on the point of breaking forth into a gene- 
ral clapper-clawing, are suddenly put to scampering 
rout and confusion by the startling appearance of a 
house-dog — so was the no less vociferous council of 
New-Amsterdam, amazed, astounded, and totally dis- 
persed, by the sudden arrival of the enemy. Every 
member made the best of his way home, waddling 
along as fast as his short legs could fag under their 
heavy burden, and wheezing as he went with corpu- 
lency and terror. When he arrived at his castle, he 
barricadoed the street door, and buried himself in the 
cider cellar, without daring to peep out, lest he should 
have his head carried off by a cannon-ball. 

The sovereign people all crowded into the market- 
place, herding together with the instinct of sheep, 
who seek for safety in each other's company, when 
the shepherd and his dog are absent, and the wolf is 
prowling round the fold. Far from finding relief, 

Vol. II. R 



194 FEAKFUL UNCERTAINTY. 

however, they only increased each other's terrors. 
Each man looked ruefully in his neighbour's face, in 
search of encouragement, but only found in its woe- 
begone hneaments, a confirmation of his own dismay. 
Not a word now was to be heard of conquering 
Great Britain, not a whisper about the sovereign 
virtues of economy — while the old women heightened 
the general gloom by clamorously bewailing their 
fate, and incessantly calling for protection on Saint 
Nicholas and Peter Stuyvesant. 

Oh, how did they bewail the absence of the lion- 
hearted Peter ! — and how did they long for the com- 
forting presence of Antony Van Corlear ! hideed, a 
gloomy uncertainty hung over the fate of these ad- 
venturous heroes. Day after day had elapsed since 
the alarming message from the governor, without 
bringing any farther tidings of his safety. Many a 
fearful conjecture was hazarded as to what had be- 
fallen him and his loyal 'squire. Had they not been 
devoured alive by the cannibals of Marblehead and 
Cape Cod ? — were they not put to the question by 
the great council of Amphyctions ? — were they not 
smothered in onions by the terrible men of Piquagf 
— In the midst of this consternation and perplexity 
when horror, like a mighty nightmare, sat brooding, 
upon the little, fat, plethoric city of New-Amsterdam, 
the ears of the multitude were suddenly startled by a 
strange and distant sound — it approached — it grew 
louder and louder — and now it resounded at the city 
gate. The public could not be mistaken in the well- 
known sound — a shout of joy burst from their lips, 



pj:ter suddenly appears. 195 

as the gallant Peter, covered with dust, and followed 
by his faithful trumpeter, came galloping into the 
market-place. 

The first transports of the populace having sub- 
sided, they gathered round the honest Antony, as he 
dismounted from his horse, overwhelming him with 
greetings and congratulations. In breathless accents 
he related to them the marvellous adventures through 
which the old governor and himself had gone, in 
making their escape from the clutches of the terrible 
Amphyctions. But though the Stuyvesant manu- 
script, with its customary minuteness where any 
thing touching the great Peter is concerned, is very 
particular as to the incidents of this masterly retreat, 
yet the particular state of the pubhc affairs will not 
allow me to indulge in a full recital thereof. Let it' 
suffice to say, that while Peter Stuyvesant was anx- 
iously revolving in his mind how he could make 
good his escape with honour and dignity, certain of 
the ships sent out for the conquest of the Manhattoes 
touched at the eastern ports, to obtain needful sup- 
plies, and to call on the grand council of the league 
for its promised co-operation. Upon hearing of this, 
the vigilant Peter, perceiving that a moment's delay 
were fatal, made a secret and precipitate decamp- 
ment, though much did it grieve his lofty soul to be 
obliged to turn his back even upon a nation of foes. 
Many hair-breadth 'scapes and divers perilous mis- 
haps did they sustain, as they scoured, without sound 
of trumpet, through the fair regions of the east. Al- 
ready was the country in an uproar with hostile 



196 PETER'S FIRST MOVEMENTS. 

preparation, and they were obliged to take a large 
circuit in their flight, lurking along through the 
woody mountains of the Devil's Back-bone ; from 
whence the valiant Peter sallied forth one day, like 
a Hon, and put to rout a whole legion of squatters, 
consisting of three generations of a prolific family, 
who were already on their way to take possession of 
some corner of the New-Netherlands. Nay, the 
faithful Antony had great difficulty at sundry times to 
prevent him, in the excess of his wrath, from de- 
scending down from the mountains, and falling, sword 
in hand, upon certain of the border towns, who 
were marshalling forth their draggletailed mihtia. 

The first movements of the governor, on reaching 
his dweUing, was to mount the roof, from whence he 
contemplated with rueful aspect the hostile squad- 
ron. This had already come to anchor in the bay, 
and consisted of two stout frigates, having on board, 
as John Josselyn, Gent, informs us, " three hundred 
valiant red-coats." Having taken this survey, he sat 
himself down, and wrote an epistle to the command- 
er, demanding the reason of his anchoring in the 
harbour without obtaining previous permission so to 
do. This letter was couched in the most dignified 
and courteous terms, though I have it from undoubt- 
ed authority, that his teeth were clinched, and he 
had a bitter sardonic grin upon his visage all the 
while he wrote. Having despatched his letter, the 
grim Peter stumped to and fro about the town, with 
a most war-betokening countenance, his hands thrust 
into his breeches pockets, and whistling a Low Dutch 



TERMS OFFERED BY THE INVADERS. 197 

psalm tune, which bore no small resemblance to the 
music of a north-east wind, when a storm is brewing. 
The very dogs, as they eyed him, skulked away in 
dismay — while all the old and ugly women of New- 
Amsterdam ran howling at his heels, imploring him 
to save them from murder, robbery, and pitiless rav- 
ishment ! 

The reply of Col. Nichols, who commanded the 
invaders, was couched in terms of equal courtesy 
with the letter of the governor — declaring the right 
and title of his British Majesty to the province, 
where he affirmed the Dutch to be mere interlopers; 
and demanding that the town, forts, <Szc. should be 
forthwith rendered into his majesty's obedience and 
protection — promising at the same time, life, liberty, 
estate, and free trade, to every Dutch -denizen who 
should readily submit to his majesty's government. 

Peter Stuyvesant read over this friendly epistle 
with some such harmony of aspect as we may sup- 
pose a crusty farmer, who has long been fattening 
upon his neighbour's soil, reads the loving letter of 
John Stiles, that warns him of an action of eject- 
ment. The old governor, however, was not to be 
taken by surprise, but thrusting the summons into his 
breeches pocket, he stalked three times across the 
room, took a pinch of snuff with great vehemence, 
and then loftily waving his hand, promised to send 
an answer the next morning. In the mean time, he 
called a general council of war of his privy counsel- 
lors and burgomasters, not for the purpose of asking 
their advice, for that, as has been already shown, he 
R2 



198 PETER CALLS A COUNCIL OF WAR. 

valued not a rush ; but to make known unto them 
his sovereign determination, and require their prompt 
adherence. 

Before, however, he convened his council, he re- 
solved upon three important points ; jirst^ never to 
give up the city without a little hard fighting, for he 
deemed it highly derogatory to the dignity of so re- 
nowned a city, to suffer itself to be captured and 
stripped, without receiving a few kicks into the bar- 
gain — secondly^ that the majority of his grand council 
was composed of arrant poltroons, utterly destitute 
of true bottom — and, thirdly^ that he would not 
therefore suffer them to see the summons of Col. 
Nichols, lest the easy terms it held out might induce 
them to clamour for a surrender. 

His orders being duly promulgated, it was a piteous 
sight to behold the late valiant burgomasters, who 
had demolished the whole British empire in their 
harangues, peeping ruefully out of their hiding-places, 
and then crawling cautiously forth ; dodging through 
narrow lanes and alleys ; starting at every little dog 
that barked, as though it had been a discharge of ar- 
tillery — mistaking lamp-posts for British grenadiers, 
and, in the excess of their panic, metamorphosing 
pumps into formidable soldiers, levelling blunder- 
busses at their bosoms ! Having, however, in despite 
of numerous perils and difficulties of the kind, ar- 
rived safe, without the loss of a single man, at the 
hall of assembly, they took their seats, and awaited in 
fearful silence the arrival of the governor. In a few 
moments, the wooden leg of the intrepid Peter was 



THE COUNCIL MEETS. 199 

heard in regular and stout-hearted thumps upon the 
staircase. He entered the chamber, arrayed in a full 
suit of regimentals, and carrying his trusty toledo, not 
girded on his thigh, but tucked under his arm. As the 
governor never equipped himself in this portentous 
manner, unless something of a martial nature were 
working within his fearless pericranium, his council 
regarded him ruefully, as if they saw fire and sword 
in his iron countenance, and forgot to light their pipes 
in breathless suspense. 

The great Peter was as eloquent as he was valor- 
ous — indeed, these two rare qualities seemed to go 
hand in hand in his composition ; and, unhke most 
great statesmen, whose victories are only confined to 
the bloodless field of argument, he was always ready 
^^ enforce his hardy words by no less hardy deeds. 
His speeches were generally marked by a simplicity, 
approaching to bluntness, and by a truly categorical 
decision. Addressing the grand council, he touched 
briefly upon the perils and hardships he had sustain- 
ed in escaping from his crafty foes. He next re- 
proached the council, for wasting, in idle debate and 
party feuds, that time which should have been de- 
voted to their country. He was particularly indig* 
nant at those brawlers, who, conscious of individual 
security, had disgraced the councils of the province 
by impotent hectorings and scurrilous invectives, 
against a noble and powerful enemy — those cowardly 
curs, who were incessant in their barkings and yelp- 
ings at the lion, while distant or asleep, but, the mo- 
m^^t he approached, were the first to skulk away. 



200 PETER'S NOBLE ADDRESS. 

He now called on those who had been so valiant in 
their threats against Great Britain, to stand forth and 
support their vauntings by their actions — for it was 
deeds, not words, that bespoke the spirit of a nation. 
He proceeded to recall the golden days of former 
prosperity, which were only to be regained by man- 
fully withstanding their enemies ; for the peace, he 
observed, which is effected by force of arms, is always 
more sure and durable than that which is patched 
up by temporary accommodations. He endeavoured, 
moreover, to arouse their martial fire, by reminding 
them of the time when, before the frowning walls of 
Fort Christina, he had led them on to victory. He 
strove hkewise to awaken their confidence, by assur- 
ing them of the protection of St. Nicholas, who had 
hitherto maintained them in safety, amid all the sav- 
ages of the wilderness, the witches and squatters of 
the east, and the giants of Merry-land. Finally, he 
informed them of the insolent summons he had re- 
ceived to surrender, but concluded by swearing to 
defend the province as long as Heaven was on his 
side, and he had a wooden leg to stand upon — which 
noble sentence he emphasized by a tremendous 
thwack with the broadside of his sword upon the 
table, that totally electrified his auditors. 

The privy counsellors, who had long been accus- 
tomed to the governor's way, and in fact had been 
brought into as perfect discipline as were ever the 
soldiers of the great Frederick, saw that there wa3 
no use in saying a word — so Hghted their pipes and 
smoked away in silence, like fat and discreet coun- 



MUTINY IN THE COUNCIL. 201 

sellors. But the burgomasters, being less under the 
governor's control, considering themselves as repre- 
sentatives of the sovereign people, and being more- 
over inflated with considerable importance and self- 
sufficiency, which they had acquired at those notable 
schools of wisdom and morality, the popular meet- 
ings, were not so easily satisfied. Mustering up fresh 
spirit, when they found there was some chance of 
escaping from their present jeopardy, without the 
disagreeable alternative of fighting, they requested a 
copy of the summons to surrender, that they might 
show it to a general meeting of the people. 

So insolent and mutinous a request would have 
been enough to have roused the gorge of the tranquil 
Van Twiller himself — what then must have been its 
efTect upon the great Stuyvesant, who was not only 
a Dutchman, a governor, and a valiant wooden- 
legged soldier to boot, but withal a man of the most 
stomachful and gunpowder disposition ? He burst 
forth into a blaze of noble indignation, — swore not a 
mother's son of them should see a syllable of it — 
that they deserved, every one of them, to be hanged, 
drawn and quartered, for traitorously daring to ques- 
tion the infallibility of government — that as to their 
advice or concurrence, he did not care a whiff of to- 
bacco for either — that he had long been harassed and 
thwarted by their cowardly counsels ; but that they 
might thenceforth go home, and go to bed like old 
women ; for he was determined to defend the colony 
himself, without the assistance of them or their ad- 
herents ! So saying, he tucked his sword under his 



202 THE GINGERBREAD-BAKER'S SPEECH. 

arm, cocked his hat upon his head, and girding up 
his loins, stumped indignantly out of the council 
chamber — every body making room for him as he 
passed. 

No sooner had he gone, than the busy burgomas- 
ters called a pubhc meeting in front of the Stadt- 
house, where they appointed as chairman one Dofue 
Roerback, a mighty gingerbread-baker in the land, 
and formerly of the cabinet of William the Testy. 
He was looked up to with great reverence by the 
populace, who considered him a man of dark know- 
ledge, seeing he was the first that imprinted new-year 
cakes with the mysterious hieroglyphics of the Cock 
and Breeches, and such like magical devices. 

This great burgomaster, who still chewed the cud 
of ill-will against the vahant Stuyvesant, in conse- 
quence of having been ignominiously kicked out of 
his cabinet at the time of his taking the reins of gov- 
ernment — addressed the greasy multitude in what is 
called a patriotic speech, in which he informed them 
of the courteous summons to surrender — of the gov- 
ernor's refusal to comply therewith — of his denying 
the public a sight of the summons, which, he had no 
doubt, contained conditions highly to the honour and 
advantage of the province. 

He then proceeded to speak of his excellency in 
high-sounding terms, suitable to the dignity and 
grandeur of his station, comparing him to Nero, 
Caligula, and those other great men of yore, who are 
generally quoted by popular orators on similar occa- 
sions ; assuring the people, that the history of the 



HOW PETER TREATED THE MEMORIAL. 203 

world did not contain a despotic outrage to equal the 
present, for atrocity, cruelty, tyranny, and blood- 
thirstiness — that it would be recorded in letters of 
fire, on the blood-stained tablet of history ! that ages 
would roll back with sudden horror when they came 
to view it ! that the womb of time — (by the way, 
your orators and writers take strange liberties with 
the womb of time, though some would fain have us 
believe that time is an old gentleman) — that the 
womb of time, pregnant as it was with direful hor- 
rors, would never produce a parallel enormity ! — 
With a variety of other heart-rending, soul-stirring 
tropes and figures, which I cannot enumerate — 
neither, indeed, need I, for they were exactly the 
same that are used in all popular harangues and pa- 
triotic orations at the present day, and may be class- 
ed in rhetoric under the general title of Rigmarole. 
The speech of this inspired burgomaster being 
finished, the meeting fell into a kind of popular fer- 
mentation, which produced not only a string of right 
wise resolutions, but likewise a most resolute memo- 
rial, addressed to the governor, remonstrating at his 
conduct — which was no sooner handed to him, than 
he handed it into the fire ; and thus deprived poster- 
ity of an invaluable document, that might have served 
as a precedent to the enlightened cobblers and tailors 
of the present day, in their sage intermeddlings with 
politics. 



( 204 ) 



CHAPTER VII. 

Containing a doleful disaster of Antony the Trum- 
peter — And how Peter Stuyvesant, like a second 
Cromwell, suddenly dissolved a rump Parliament, 

Now did the high-minded Pieter de Groodt shower 
down a pannier-load of benedictions upon his burgo- 
nnasters, for a set of self-willed, obstinate, headstrong 
varlets, who would neither be convinced nor per- 
suaded ; and determined thenceforth to have nothing 
more to do with them, but to consult merely the 
opinion of his privy counsellors, which he knew 
from experience to be the best in the world — inas- 
much as it never differed from his own. Nor did he 
omit, now that his hand was in, to bestow some thou- 
sand left-handed compliments upon the sovereign 
people ; whom he railed at for a herd of poltroons, 
who had no relish for the glorious hardships and il- 
lustrious misadventures of battle — but would rather 
stay at home, and eat and sleep in ignoble ease, than 
gain immortality and a broken head by valiantly 
fighting in a ditch. 

Resolutely bent, however, upon defending his be- 
loved city, in despite even of itself, he called unto 
him his trusty Van Corlear, who was his right-hand 
man in all times of emergency. Him did he adjure 
to take his war-denouncing trumpet, and mounting 



iviissiON OF VAN CORLEAR. 205 

his horse, to beat up the country, night and day. 
Sounding the alarm along the pastoral borders of the 
Bronx — starting the wild solitudes of Croton — arous- 
ing the rugged yeomanry of Weehawk and Hoboeken 
— the mighty men of battle of Tappan Bay* — and 
the brave boys of Tarry Town and Sleepy Hollow — 
together with all the other warriors of the country 
round about; charging them one and all to sling 
theiV powder-horns, shoulder their fowhng-pieces, 
and march merrily down to the Manhattoes. 

Now there was nothing in all the world, the divine 
sex excepted, that Antony Van Corlear loved better 
than errands of this kind. So, just stopping to take 
a lusty dinner, and bracing to his side his junk bottle, 
well charged with heart-inspiring Hollands, he issued 
jollily from the city gate, that looked out upon what 
is at present called Broadway ; sounding as usual a 
farewell strain, that rung in sprightly echoes through 
the winding streets of New-Amstprdam — Alas ! never 
more were they to be gladdened by the melody of 
their favourite trumpeter ! 

It was a dark and stormy night, when the good 
Antony arrived at the famous creek (sagely denomi- 
nated Haarlem river) which separates the island of 
Manna-hata from the main land. The wind was high, 
the elements were in an uproar, and no Charon could 
be found to ferry the adventurous sounder of brass 
across the water. For a short time he vapoured like 

* A corruption of Top-paun; so called from a tribe of In- 
dians, which boasted a hundred and fifty fighting men. See 
Ogilby's History. 

Vol. II S 



206 VAN CORLEAR'S LUCKLESS FATE. 

an impatient ghost upon the brink, and then, bethink- 
ing himself of the urgency of his errand, took a 
hearty embrace of his stone bottle, swore most valor- 
ously that he would swim across, en spijt den Duyvei, 
(in spite of the devil !) and daringly plunged into the 
stream. — Luckless Antony ! scarce had he buffeted 
half-way over, when he was observed to struggle vio- 
lently, as if battling with the spirit of the waters — 
instinctively he put his trumpet to his mouth, and 
giving a vehement blast — sunk for ever to the bot- 
tom ! 

The potent clangour of his trumpet, like the ivory 
horn of the renowned Paladin Orlando, when expiring 
in the glorious field of Roncesvalles, rung far and 
wide through the country, alarming the neighbours 
round, who hurried in amazement to the spot. Here 
an old Dutch burgher, famed for his veracity, and 
who had been a witness of the fact, related to thiem 
the melancholy affair ; with the fearful addition (to 
which I am slow of giving belief) that he saw the 
duyvel, in the shape of a huge moss-bonker, seize 
the sturdy Antony by the leg, and drag him beneath 
the waves. Certain it is, the place, with the adjoin- 
ing promontory, which projects into the Hudson, has 
been called Spijt den duyvel^ or Spiking Devil, ever 
since ; — the restless ghost of the unfortunate Antony 
still haunts the surrounding solitudes, and his trum- 
pet has often been heard by the neighbours, of a 
stormy night, mingling with the howling of the blast. 
Nobody ever attempts to swim over the creek, after 
dark ; on the contrary, a bridge has been built, to 



GRIEF OF THE GOVERNOR. 207 

guard against such melancholy accidents in future — 
and as to moss-bonkers, they are held in such abhor- 
rence, that no true Dutchman will admit them to his 
table, who loves good fish and hates the devil. 

Such was the end of Antony Van Corlear — a man 
deserving of a better fate. He lived roundly and 
soundly, like a true and jolly bachelor, until the day 
of his death ; but though he was never married, yet 
did he leave behind some two or three dozen chil- 
dren, in different parts of the country — fine, chubby, 
brawling, flatulent little urchins, from whom, if le- 
gends speak true, (and they are not apt to lie,) did 
descend the innumerable race of editors who people 
and defend this country, and who are- bountifully 
paid by the people for keeping up a constant alarm 
— and making them miserable. Would that they in- 
herited the worth, as they do the wind, of their re- 
nowned progenitor ! 

The tidings of this lamentable catastrophe impart- 
ed a severer pang to the bosom of Peter Stuyvesant, 
than did even the invasion of his beloved Amsterdam. 
It came ruthlessly home to those sweet affections 
that grow close around the heart, and are nourished 
by its warmest current. As some lorn pilgrim, while 
the tempest whistles through his locks, and dreary 
night is gathering around, sees stretched, cold and 
lifeless, his faithful dog — the sole companion of his 
journeying, who had shared his solitary meal, and so 
often licked his hand in humble gratitude — so did the 
generous-hearted hero of the Manhattoes contemplate 
the untimely end of his faithful Antony. He had 



208 ARRIVAL OF A COURIER. 

been the humble attendant of his footsteps— he had 
cheered him in many a heavy hour by his honest 
gayety, and had followed him in loyalty and aflfection 
through many a scene of direful peril and mishap — 
he w^as gone for ever — and that too at a moment 
when every mongrel cur seemed skulking from his 
side. This — Peter Stuyvesant — this was the mo- 
ment to try thy fortitude ; and this was the moment 
when thou didst indeed shine forth — Peter the 
Headstrong ! 

The glare of day had long dispelled the horrors of 
the last stormy night ; still all was dull and gloomy. 
The late jovial Apollo hid his face behind lugubrious 
clouds, peeping out now and then, for an instant, as 
if anxious, yet fearful, to see what was going on in 
his favourite city. This was the eventful morning, 
when the great Peter was to give his reply to the 
summons of the invaders. Already was he closeted 
with his privy council, sitting in grim state, brooding 
over the fate of his favourite trumpeter, and anon 
boiling with indignation as the insolence of his rec- 
reant burgomasters flashed upon his mind. While 
in this state of irritation, a courier arrived in all 
haste from Winthrop, the subtle governor of Connec- 
ticut, counselling him in the most affectionate and 
disinterested manner to surrender the province, and 
magnifying the dangers and calamities to which a re- 
fusal would subject him. What a moment was this 
to intrude officious advice upon a man who never 
'took advice in his whole life ! — The fiery old gover- 
nor strode up and down the chamber, with a vehe- 



PETER PROROGUES A MEETING. 209 

mence that made the bosoms of his counsellors to 
quake with awe — railing at his unlucky fate, that 
thus made him the constant butt of factious subjects 
and Jesuitical advisers. 

Just at this ill-chosen juncture, the officious burgo- 
masters, who were now completely on the watch, 
and had heard of the arrival of mysterious des- 
patches, came marching in a resolute body into the 
room, with a legion of schepens and toad-eaters at 
their heels, and abruptly demanded a perusal of the 
letter. Thus to be broken in upon by what he es- 
teemed a " rascal rabble," and that, too, at the very 
moment he was grinding under an irritation from 
abroad, was too much for the spleen of .the choleric 
Peter. He tore the letter in a thousand pieces* — 
threw it in the face of the nearest burgomaster — 
broke his pipe over the head of the next — hurled his 
spitting-box at an unlucky schepen, who was just 
making a masterly retreat out at the door, and finally 
prorogued the whole meeting sine die, by kicking 
them down stairs with his wooden leg. 

As soon as the burgomasters could recover from the 
confusion into which their sudden exit had thrown 
them, and had taken a little time to breathe, they pro- 
tested against the conduct of the governor, which 
they did not hesitate to pronounce tyrannical, uncon- 
stitutional, highly indecent, and somewhat disrespect- 
ful. They then called a public meeting, where they 
read the protest, and addressing the assembly in a 

* Smith's History of New-York. 

S2 



210 SPEECH TO THE PEOPLE. 

set speech, related at full length, and with appropriate 
colouring and exaggeration, the despotic and vindic- 
tive deportment of the governor ; declaring that, for 
their own parts, they did not value a straw the being 
kicked, cuffed, and mauled by the timber toe of his 
excellency, but they felt for the dignity of the sove- 
reign people, thus rudely insulted by the outrage 
committed on the seat of honour of their represent- 
atives. The latter part of the harangue had a vio- 
lent effect upon the sensibility of the people, as it 
came home at once to that delicacy of feeling and 
jealous pride of character, vested in all true mobs ; 
who, though they may bear injuries without a mur- 
mur, yet are marvellously jealous of their sovereign 
dignity — and there is no knowing to what act of re- 
sentment they might have been provoked against the 
redoubtable Peter, had not the greasy rogues been 
somewhat more afraid of their sturdy old governor, 
than they were of St. Nicholas, the English — or the 
D 1 himself. 



( 211 ) 



CHAPTER VIII. 

How Peter Stuyvesant defended the city of New-Arri' 
sterdam, for several days, by dint of the strength 
of his head. 

There is something exceedingly sublime and mel- 
ancholy, in the spectacle which the present crisis of 
our history presents. An illustrious and venerable 
little city — the metropolis of an immense extent of 
uninhabited country — garrisoned by a doughty host 
of orators, chairmen, committee-men, burgomasters, 
schepens, and old women — governed by a deter- 
mined and strong-headed warrior, and fortified by 
mud batteries,pallisadoes,and resolutions — blockaded 
by sea, beleaguered by land, and threatened with 
direful desolation from without ; while its very vitals 
are torn with internal faction and commotion ! Never 
did historic pen record a page of more complicated 
distress, unless it be the strife that distracted the Is- 
raelites during the siege of Jerusalem — where dis- 
cordant parties were cutting each other's throats, at 
the moment when the victorious legions of Titus had 
toppled down their bulwarks, and were carrying 
fire and sword into the very sanctum sanctorum of 
the temple. 

Governor Stuyvesant, having triumphantly, as has 
been recorded, put his grand council to the rout, and 



212 PETER'S GALLANT LETTER. 

thus delivered himself from a multitude of imperti- 
nent advisers, despatched a categorical reply to the 
commanders of the invading squadron ; wherein he 
asserted the right and title of their High Mightinesses 
the Lords States General to the province of New- 
Netherlands, and, trusting in the righteousness of his 
cause, set the whole British nation at defiance ! My 
anxiety to extricate my readers and myself from these 
disastrous scenes, prevents me from giving the whole 
of this gallant letter, which concluded in these manly 
and affectionate terms : 

"As touching the threats in your conclusion, we 
have nothing to answer, only that we fear nothing 
but what God (who is as just as merciful) shall lay 
upon us ; all things being in his gracious disposal, 
and we may as well be preserved by him with small 
forces, as by a great army ; which makes us to wish 
you all happiness and prosperity, and recommend 
you to his protection. — My lords, your thrice humble 
and affectionate servant and friend, 

P. Stuyvesant." 

Thus having resolutely thrown his gauntlet, the 
brave Peter stuck a pair of horse-pistols in his belt, 
girded an immense powder-horn on his side — thrust 
his sound leg into a Hessian boot, and clapping his 
fierce little war hat on the top of his head — paraded 
up and down in front of his house, determined to de- 
fend his beloved city to the last. 

While all these woful struggles and dissentions 
were prevailing in the unhappy city of New-Amster- 
dam, and while its worthy, but ill-starred governor 



TEMPTING TERMS OFFERED. 213 

was framing the above-quoted letter, the English 
commanders did not remain idle. They had agents 
secretly employed to foment the fears and clamours 
of the populace ; and moreover circulated far and 
wide, through the adjacent country, a proclamation, 
repeating the terms they had already held out in 
their summons to surrender, and beguiling the simple 
Nederlanders with the- most crafty and conciliatmg 
professions. They promised that every man who 
voluntarily submitted to the authority of his British 
Majesty, should retain peaceable possession of his 
house, his vrouw, and his cabbage-garden. That he 
should be suffered to smoke his pipe, speak Dutch, 
wear as many breeches as he pleased, and import 
bricks, tiles, and stone jugs from Holland, instead of 
manufacturing them on the spot. That he should 
on no account be compelled to learn the English lan- 
guage, or keep accounts in any other way than by 
casting them up on his fingers, and chalking them 
down upon the crown of his hat ; as is still observed 
among the Dutch yeomanry at the present day. That 
every man should be allowed quietly to inherit his 
father's hat, coat, shoe-buckles, pipe, and every other 
personal appendage, and that no man should be 
obliged to conform to any improvements, inventions, 
or any other modern innovations ; but, on the con- 
trary, should be permitted to build his house, follow 
his trade, manage his farm, rear his hogs, and educate 
his children, precisely as his ancestors did before him 
since time immemorial. Finally, that he should have 
all the benefits of free trade, and should not be re- 



214 THE POPULACE ARE SEDUCED. 

quired to acknowledge any other saint in the cal- 
endar than St. Nicholas, who should thenceforward, 
as before, be considered the tutelar saint of the city. 

These terms, as may be supposed, appeared very 
satisfactory to the people, who had a great disposition 
to enjoy their property unmolested, and a most sin- 
gular aversion to engage in a contest, where they 
could gain little more than honour and broken heads 
— the first of which they held in philosophic indif-. 
ference, the latter in utter detestation. By these in- 
sidious means, therefore, did the English succeed in 
alienating the confidence and affections of the popu- 
lace from their gallant old governor, whom they con- 
sidered as obstinately bent upon running them into 
hideous misadventures; and did not hesitate to speak 
their minds freely, and abuse him most heartily — be- 
hind his back. 

Like as a mighty grampus, who, though assailed 
and buffeted by roaring waves and brawling surges, 
still keeps on an undeviating course ; and though 
overwhelmed by boisterous billows, still emerges 
from the troubled deep, spouting and blowing with 
tenfold violence — so did the inflexible Peter pursue, 
unwavering, his determined career, and rise, con- 
temptuous, above the clamours of the rabble. 

But when the British warriors found, by the tenor 
of his reply, that he set their power at defiance, they 
forthwith despatched recruiting officers to Jamaica, 
and Jericho, and Nineveh, and Quag, and Patchog, 
and all those towns on Long Island which had been 
subdued of yore by the immortal Stoffel Brinkerhoff; 



DISMAY IN NEW- AMSTERDAM. 215 

stirring up the valiant progeny of Preserved Fish, 
and Determined Cock, and those other illustrious 
squatters, to assail the city of New-Amsterdam by 
land. In the meanwhile, the hostile ships made aw- 
ful preparation to commence an assault by water. 

The streets of New-Amsterdam now presented a 
scene of wild dismay and consternation. In vain 
did the gallant Stuyvesant order the citizens to arm, 
and assemble in the public square or market-place. 
The whole party of Short Pipes in the course of a 
single night had changed into arrant old women — a 
metamorphosis only to be paralleled by the prodigies 
recorded by Livy as having happened at Rome on 
the approach of Hannibal, when statues sweated in 
pure affright, goats were converted into sheep, and 
cocks turning into hens ran cackling about the streets. 

The harassed Peter, thus menaced from without, 
and tormented from within — baited by the burgo- 
masters, and hooted at by the rabble, chafed and 
growled and raged like a furious bear, tied to a stake 
and worried by a legion of scoundrel curs. Finding, 
however, that all further attempts to defend the city 
were vain, and hearing that an irruption of borderers 
and mosstroopers was ready to deluge him from the 
east, he was at length compelled, in spite of his 
proud heart, which swelled in his throat until it had 
nearly choked him, to consent to a treaty of sur- 
render. 

Words cannot express the transports of the peo- 
ple, on receiving this agreeable intelligence; had 
they obtained a conquest over their enemies, they 



216 CAPITULATION AGREED UPON. 

could not have indulged greater delight. The streets 
resounded with their congratulations — they extolled 
their governor, as the father and deliverer of his 
country — they crov^ded to his house to testify their 
gratitude, and were ten times more noisy in their 
plaudits, that when he returned, with victory perched 
upon his beaver, from the glorious capture of Fort 
Christina. But the indignant Peter shut his doors 
and windows, and t6ok refuge in the innermost re- 
cesses of his mansion, that he might not hear the ig- 
noble rejoicings of the rabble. 

In consequence of this consent of the governor, a 
parley was demanded of the besieging forces to treat 
of the terms of surrender. Accordingly, a deputa- 
tion of six commissioners was appointed on both 
sides; and on the 27th August, 1664, a capitulation 
highly favourable to the province, and honourable to 
Peter Stuyvesant, was agreed to by the enemy, who 
had conceived a high opinion of the valour of the 
Manhattoes, and the magnanimity and unbounded 
discretion of their governor. 

One thing alone remained, which was, that the ar- 
ticles of surrender should be ratified, and signed by 
the governor. When the commissioners respectfully 
waited upon him for this purpose, they were receiv- 
ed by the hardy old warrior with the most grim and 
bitter courtesy. His warlike accoutrements were 
laid aside — an old India night-gown was wrapped 
about his rugged limbs, a red night-cap overshadowed 
his frowning brow, and an iron gray beard, of three 
day's growth, gave additional grimness to his visage. 



PETER'S REFVSAL TO SIGN IT. 217 

Thrice did he seize a little worn-out stump of a pen, 
and essay to sign the loathsome paper — thrice did he 
clinch his teeth, and make a most horrible counte- 
nance, as though a pestiferous dose of rhubarb, senna, 
and ipecacuanha, had been offered to his lips ; at 
length, dashing it from him, he seized his brass-hilted 
sword, and jerking it from the scabbard, swore by St. 
Nicholas, he'd sooner die than yield to any power 
under heaven. 

In vain was every attempt to shake this sturdy 
resolution — menaces, remonstrances, revilings, were 
exhausted to no purpose — for two whole days was 
the house of the valiant Peter besieged by the clam- 
orous rabble, and for two whole days did he partake 
himself to his arms, and persist in a magnanimous 
refusal to ratify the capitulation. 

At length the populace, finding that boisterous 
measures did but incense more determined opposi- 
tion, bethought themselves of an humble expedient, 
by which, happily, the governor's ire might be sooth- 
ed, and his resolution undermined. And now a 
solemn and mournful procession, headed by the bur- 
gomasters and schepens, and followed by the popu- 
lace, moves slowly to the governor's dwelling, bear-i 
ing the capitulation. Here they found the stout old 
hero, drawn up like a giant in his castle, the doors 
strongly barricadoed, and himself in full regimentals, 
with his cocked hat on his head, firmly posted with 
a blunderbuss at the garret-window. 

There was something in this formidable position, 
(hat struck even the ignoble vulgar with awe and ad- 

VoL. II. T 



218 I10ERBACK»S HARANGUE 

miration. The brawling multitude could not but 
reflect with self-abasement upon their own pusillani- 
mous conduct, when they beheld their hardy but de- 
serted old governor, thus faithful to his post, like a 
forlorn hope, and fully prepared to defend his un- 
grateful city to the last. These compunctions, how- 
ever, were soon overwhelmed by the recurring tide 
of public apprehension. The populace arranged 
themselves before the house, taking off their hats 
with most respectful humility. — Burgomaster Roer- 
back, who was of that popular class of orators de- 
scribed by Sallust, as being " talkative rather than 
eloquent," stepped forth and addressed the governor 
in a speech of three hours' length ; detailing in the 
most pathetic terms the calamitous situation of the 
province, and urging him in a constant repetition of 
the same arguments and words to sign the capitula- 
tion. 

The mighty Peter eyed him from his little garret- 
window in grim silence — now and then his eye 
would glance over the surrounding rabble, and an 
indignant grin, hke that of an angry mastiff, would 
mark his iron visage. But though he was a man of 
most undaunted mettle — though he had a heart as 
big as an ox, and a heed that would have set adamant 
to scorn — yet after all he was a mere mortal : — 
wearied out by these repeated oppositions and this 
eternal haranguing, and perceiving that unless he 
complied, the inhabitants w^ould follow their own in- 
clinations, or rather their fears, without waiting for 
his consent, he testily ordered them to hand up the 



ENTRANCE OF THE BRITISH. 219 

paper. It was accordingly hoisted to him on the 
end of a pole, and having scrawled his name at the 
bottom of it, he anathematized them all for a set of 
cowardly, mutinous, degenerate poltroons — threw 
the capitulation at their heads, slammed down the 
window, and was heard stumping down stairs with 
the most vehement indignation. The rabble inconti- 
nently took to their heels ,• even the burgomasters 
were not slow in evacuating the premises, fearing lest 
the sturdy Peter might issue from his don, and greet 
them with some unwelcome testimonial oi .^.is dis- 
pleasure. 

Within three hours after the surrender, a legion of 
British beef-fed warriors poured into New- Amster- 
dam, taking possession of the fort and batteries. And 
now might be heard, from all quarters, the sound 
of hammers, made by the old Dutch burghers, who 
were busily employed in nailing up their doors and 
windows, to protect their vrouws from these tierce 
barbarians, whom they contemplated in silent sullen- 
ness from the garret-windows, as they paraded through 
the streets. 

Thus did Col. Richard Nichols, the commander of 
the British forces, enter into quiet possession of the 
conquered realm, as locum tcnens for the Duke of 
York. The victory was attended with no other out- 
rage than that of changing the name of the province 
and its metropolis, which thenceforth were denomi- 
nated New-York, and so have continued to be called 
unto the present day. The inhabitants, according to 



DETERMINATION OF THE CITIZENS. 

treaty, were allowed to maintain quiet possession of 
their property; but so inveterately did they retain 
their abhorrence of the British nation, that in a pri- 
vate meeting of the leading citizens, it was unani- 
mously determined, never to ask any of their con- 
querors to dinner. 



( 221 ) 



CHAPTER IX. 

Containing the dignified retirement^ and mortal sur- 
render^ of Peter the Headstrong. 

Thus, then, have I concluded this great historical 
enterprise ; bat before I lay aside my weary pen, 
there yet remains to be performed one pious duty. 
U^ among the variety of readers that may peruse this 
book, there should haply be found any of those souls 
of true nobility, which glow with celestial fire at the 
history of the generous and the brave, they will 
doubtless be anxious to know the fate of the gallant 
Peter Stuyvesant. To gratify one such sterling heart 
of gold, I would go more lengths than to instruct the 
cold-blooded curiosity of a whole fraternity of phi- 
losophers. 

No sooner had that high-mettled cavalier signed 
the articles of capitulation, than, determined not to 
witness the humiliation of his favourite city, he turn- 
ed his back on its walls, and made a growling retreat 
to his Bouioery^ or country-seat, which was situated 
about two miles off; where he passed the remainder 
of his days in patriarchal retirement. There he en- 
joyed that tranquillity of mind, which he had never 
known amid the distracting cares of government ; 
and tasted the sweets of absolute and uncontrolled 
T 2 



222 PETER'S CONDUCT 

authority, which his factious subjects had so often 
dashed with the bitterness of opposition. 

No persuasions could ever induce him to revisit 
the city — on the contrary, he would always have his 
great arm-chair placed with its back to the windows 
which looked in that direction ; until a thick grove 
of trees, planted by his own hand, grew up and form- 
ed a screen that effectually excluded it from the pros- 
pect. He railed continually at the degenerate inno- 
vations and improvements introduced by the con- 
querors — forbade a word of their detested language 
to be spoken in his family, a prohibition readily 
obeyed, since none of the household could speak 
any thing but Dutch — and even ordered a fine avenue 
to be cut down in front of his house, because it con- 
sisted of English cherry-trees. 

The same incessant vigilance that blazed forth 
when he had a vast province under his care, now 
showed itself with equal vigour, though in narrower 
limits. He patrolled with unceasing watchfulness 
around the boundaries of his little territory; repelled 
every encroachment with intrepid promptness ; pun- 
ished every vagrant depredation upon his orchard or 
his farm-yard, with inflexible severity — and conduct- 
ed every stray hog or cow in triumph to the pound. 
But to the indigent neighbour, the friendless stranger, 
or the weary wanderer, his spacious doors were ever 
open, and his capacious fire-place, that emblem of 
his own warm and generous heart, had always a 
corner to receive and cherish them. There was an 
exception to this, I must confess, in case the ill- 



IN HIS RETREAT. 223 

starred applicant was an Englishman or a Yankee, 
to whom, though he might extend the hand of as- 
sistance, he never could be brought to yield the rites 
of hospitality. Nay, if peradventure some straggling 
merchant of the east should stop at his door, with his 
cart-load of tin ware or wooden bowls, the fiery Peter 
would issue forth like a giant from his castle, and 
make such a furious clattering among his pots and 
kettles, that the vender of " notions'''' was fain to be- 
take himself to instant flight. 

His handsome suit of regimentals, worn thread- 
bare by the brush, was carefully hung up in the 
state bed-chamber, and regularly aired on the first 
fair day of every month — and his cocked hat and 
trusty sword were suspended in grim repose over the 
parlour mantelpiece, forming supporters to a full- 
length portrait of the renowned Admiral Van Tromp. 
In his domestic empire he maintained strict discipline, 
and a well-organized, despotic government; but, 
though his own will was the supreme law, yet the 
good of his subjects was his constant object. He 
watched over, not merely their immediate comforts, 
but their morals and their ultimate welfare ; for he 
gave them abundance of excellent admonition, nor 
could any of them complain, that, when occasion re- 
quired, he was by any means niggardly in bestowing 
wholesome correction. 

The good old Dutch festivals, those periodical 
demonstrations of an overflowing heart and a thank- 
ful spirit, which are falling into sad disuse among my 
fellow-citizens, were faithfully observed in the man- 



224 HIS FESTIVITIES. 

sion of Governor Stuyvesant. New-year was truly 
a day of open-handed liberality, of jocund revelry, 
and warm-hearted congratulation — when the bosom 
seemed to swell with genial good-fellowship — and 
the plenteous table was attended with an uncere- 
monious freedom, and honest broad-mouthed mer- 
riment, unknown in these days of degeneracy and 
refinement. Pas and Pinxter were scrupulously 
observed, throughout his dominions ; nor was the 
day of St. Nicholas suffered to pass by, without mak- 
ing presents, hanging the stocking in the chimney, 
and complying with all its other ceremonies. 

Once a year, on the first day of April, he used to 
array himself in full regimentals, being the anniver- 
sary of his triumphal entry into New-Amsterdam, 
after the conquest of New-Sweden. This was al- 
ways a kind of saturnalia among the domestics, when 
they considered themselves at liberty, in some meas- 
ure, to say and do what they pleased ; for on this 
day, their master was always observed to unbend, 
and become exceeding pleasant and jocose, sending 
the old gray-headed negroes on April fool's errands 
for pigeon's milk ; not one of whom but allowed 
himself to be taken in, and humoured his old mas- 
ter's jokes, as became a faithful and well-disciplined 
dependant. Thus did he reign, happily and peace- 
fully, on his own land — injuring no man — envying no 
man — molested by no outward strifes — perplexed by 
no internal commotions ; and the mighty monarchs 
of the earth, who were vainly seeking to maintain 
peace, and promote the welfare of mankind, by war 



HIS DECLINE. 225 

and desolation, would have done well to have made 
a voyage to the little island of Manna-hata, and 
learned a lesson in government from the domestic 
economy of Pet^r Stuyvesant. 

In process of time, however, the old governor, 
like all other children of mortality, began to exhibit 
tokens of decay. Like an aged oak, which, though 
it long has braved the fury of the elements, and still 
retains its gigantic proportions, yet begins to shake 
and groan with every blast — so was it with the gal- 
lant Peter; for though he still bore the port and 
semblance of what he was in the days of his hardi- 
hood and chivalry, yet did age and infirmity begin to 
sap the vigour of his frame — but his heart, that most 
unconquerable citadel, still triumphed unsubdued. 
With matchless avidity would he listen to every ar- 
ticle of intelligence concerning the battles between 
the English and Dutch — still would his pulse beat 
high, whenever he heard of the victories of De 
Ruyter — and his countenance lower, and his eye- 
brows knit, when fortune turned in favour of the 
English. At length, as on a certain day he had just 
smoked his fifth pipe, and was napping after dinner, 
in his arm-chair, conquering the whole British nation 
in his dreams, he was suddenly aroused by a fearful 
ringing of bells, rattling of drums, and roaring of 
cannon, that put all his blood in a ferment. But 
when he learnt that these rejoicings were in honour 
of a great victory obtained by the combined English 
and French fleets over the brave De Ruyter and 
the younger Von Tromp, it went so much to his 



2^6 PETER'S DEATH. 

heart, that he took to his bed, and, in less than three 
days, was brought to death's door by a violent cholera 
morbus ! But, even in this extremity, he still display- 
ed the unconquerable spirit of Peter the Headstrong ; 
holding out, to the last gasp, with the most inflexible 
obstinacy, against a whole army of old women, who 
were bent upon driving the enemy out of his bowels, 
after a true Dutch mode of defence, by inundating 
the seat of war with catnip and pennyroyal. 

While he thus lay, lingering on the verge of disso- 
lution, news was brought him, that the brave De 
Ruyter had suffered but little loss — had made good 
his retreat — and meant once more to meet the enemy 
in battle. The closing eye of the old warrior kindled 
at the words — he partly raised himself in bed — a flash 
of martial fire beamed across his visage — he clinched 
his withered hand, as if he felt within his gripe that 
sword which waved in triumph before the walls of 
Fort Christina, and, giving a grim smile of exultation, 
sunk back upon his pillow and expired. 

Thus died Peter Stuyvesant, a valiant soldier — a 
loyal subject — an upright governor, and an honest 
Dutchman — who wanted only a few empires to deso- 
late to have been immortalized as a hero ! 

His funeral obsequies were celebrated with the 
utmost grandeur and solemnity. The town was per- 
fectly emptied of its inhabitants, who crowded in 
throngs to pay the last sad honours to their good old 
governor. All his sterling qualities rushed in full 
tide upon their recollections, while the memory of 
his foibles and his faults had expired with him. The 



AND FUiNERAL. 227 

ancient burghers contended who should have the 
privilege of bearing the pall; the populace strove 
who should walk nearest to the bier — and the mel- 
ancholy procession was closed by a number of gray- 
headed negroes, who had wintered and summered in 
the household of their departed master, for the greater 
part of a century. 

With sad and gloomy countenances, the multitude 
gathered around the grave. They dwelt with mourn- 
ful hearu on the sturdy virtues, the signal services, 
and the gallat>t exploits of the brave old worthy. 
They recalled, with secret upbraidings, their own 
factious opposition to Ins government — and many an 
ancient burgher, whose phlegmatic features had never 
been known to relax, nor his eyes to moisten — was 
now observed to pufF a pensive pipe, and the big 
drop to steal down his cheek — while he muttered, 
w^ith affectionate accent, and melancholy shake of 
the head — " Well den ! — Hardkoppig Peter ben gone 
at last !" 

His remains were deposited in the family vault, 
under a chapel, which he had piously erected on his 
estate, and dedicated to St. Nicholas — and which 
stood on the identical spot at present occupied by 
St. Mark's church, where his tomb-stone is still to be 
seen. His estate, or Bouweri/, as it was called, has 
ever continued in the possession of his descendants, 
who, by the uniform integrity of their conduct, and 
their strict adherence to the customs and manners 
that prevailed in the " good old times^'^^ have proved 
themselves worthy of their illustrious ancestor. 



228 RELICS OF PETER. 

Many a time and oft has the farm been haunted, at 
night, by enterprising money-diggers, in quest of pots 
of gold, said to have been buried by the old governor 
— though I cannot learn that any of them have ever 
been enriched by their researches : and who is there, 
among my native-born fellow-citizens, that does not 
remember, when, in the mischievous days of his boy- 
hood, he conceived it a great exploit to rob " Stuy- 
vesant's orchard" on a holyday afternoon ? 

At this strong hold of the family, may stilJ be seen 
certain memorials of the immortal P©ier. His full- 
length portrait frowns in martial terrors from the 
parlour wall— his cocked bat and sword still hang 
up in the best bed-room — his brimstone-coloured 
breeches were for a long while suspended in the hall, 
until some years since they occasioned a dispute be- 
tween a new married couple — and his silver-mounted 
wooden leg is still treasured up in the store-room, as 
an invaluable relic. 



( 229 ) 



CHAPTER X. 

The •Author'^s reflections upon what has been said. 

Among the numerous events, which are each in 
their turn the most direful and melancholy of all pos- 
sible occurrences, in your interesting and authentic 
history, there is none that occasions such deep and 
heart-rending grief as the decline and fall of your re- 
nowned and mighty empires. Where is the reader 
who can contemplate, without emotion, the disastrous 
events by which the great dynasties of the world 
have been extinguished ? While wandering, in imagi- 
nation, among the gigantic ruins of states and em- 
pires, and marking the tremendous convulsions that 
wrought their overthrow, the bosom of the melan- 
choly inquirer swells with sympathy commensurate 
to the surrounding desolation. Kingdoms, principal- 
ities, and powers, have each had their rise, their pro- 
gress, and their downfall-^each in its turn has sway- 
ed a potent sceptre — each has returned to its prime- 
val nothingness. And thus did it fare with the em- 
pire of their High Mightinesses, at the Manhattoes, 
under the peaceful reign of Walter the Doubter — 
the fretful reign of William the Testy — and the chi- 
valric reign of Peter the Headstrong. 

Its history is fruitful instruction, and worthy of be- 

VOL. II U 



230 SALUTARY WARNINGS DRAWN 

ing pondered over attentively ; for it is by thus rak- 
ing among the ashes of departed greatness, that the 
sparks of true knowledge are found, and the lamp 
of wisdom illumined. Let then the reign of Walter 
the Doubter warn against yielding to that sleek, con- 
tented security, that overweening fondness for com- 
fort and repose, that are produced by a state of pros- 
perity and peace. These tend to unnerve a nation ; 
to destroy its pride of character; to render it patient 
of insult, deaf to the calls of honour and of justice ; 
and cause it to cling to peace, like the sluggard to 
his pillow, at the expense of every valuable duty and 
consideration. Such supineness insures the very evil 
from which it shrinks. One right, yielded up, pro- 
duces the usurpation of a second ; one encroach- 
ment, passively suffered, makes way for another; and 
the nation that thus, through a doting love of peace, 
has sacrificed honour and interest, will at length have 
to fight for existence. 

Let the disastrous reign of William the Testy 
serve as a salutary warning against that fitful, feverish 
mode of legislation, that acts without system; de- 
pends on shifts and projects, and trusts to lucky con- 
tingencies ; that hesitates, and wavers, and at length 
decides with the rashness of ignorance and imbe- 
cility; that stoops for popularity, by courting the 
prejudices and flattering the arrogance, rather than 
commanding the respect, of the rabble ; that seeks 
safety in a multitude of counsellors, and distracts 
itself by a variety of contradictory schemes and 
opinions ; that mistakes procrastination for deliber- 



FROM THIS AUTHENTIC STORY. 231 

ate wariness — hurry for decision — starveling parsi- 
mony for wholesome economy — bustle for business, 
and vapouring for valour; that is violent in council, 
sanguine in expectation, precipitate in action, and 
feeble in execution ; that undertakes enterprises 
without forethought, enters upon them without pre- 
paration, conducts them without energy, and ends 
them in confusion and defeat. 

Let the reign of the good Stuyvesant show the 
effects of vigour and decision, even when destitute 
of cool judgment, and surrounded by perplexities. 
Let it show how frankness, probity, and high-souled 
courage, will command respect and secure honour, 
even where success is unattainable. But, at the same 
time, let it caution against a too ready reliance on 
the good faith of others, and a too honest confidence 
in the loving professions of powerful neighbours, 
who are most friendly when they most mean to be- 
tray. Let it teach a judicious attention to the ojwin- 
ions and wishes of the many, who, in times of peril, 
must be soothed and led, or apprehension will over- 
power the deference to authority. Let the empty 
wordiness of his factious subjects ; their intemperate 
harangues ; their violent " resolutions ;" their hector- 
ings against an absent enemy, and their pusillanimity 
on his approach, teach us to distrust and despise 
those clamorous patriots, whose courage dwells but 
in the tongue. Let them serve as a lesson to repress 
that insolence of speech, destitute of real force, 
which too often breaks forth in popular bodies, and 
bespeaks the vanity, rather than the spirit of a na« 



232 HOW TO MANAGE THE MANY. 

tion. Let them caution us against vaunting too 
much of our own power and prowess, and reviling a 
noble enemy. True gallantry of soul would always 
lead us to treat a foe with courtesy and proud punc- 
tilio ; a contrary conduct but takes from the merit 
of victory, and renders defeat doubly disgraceful. 

But I cease to dwell on the stores of excellent ex- 
amples to be drawn from the ancient chronicles of 
the Manhattoes. He who reads attentively will dis- 
cover the threads of gold, which run throughout the 
web of history, and are invisible to the dull eye of 
ignorance. But, before I conclude, let me point out 
a solemn warning, furnished in the subtle chain of 
events by which the capture o^ Fort Casimir has 
produced the present convulsions of our globe. 

Attend then, gentle reader, to this plain deduction, 
which, if thou art a king, an emperor, or other pow- 
erful potentate, I advise thee to treasure up in thy 
heart — though little expectation have I that my 
work will fall into such hands, for well I know the 
care of crafty ministers, to keep all grave and edify- 
ing books of the kind out of the w^ay of unhappy 
monarchs — lest peradventure they should read them 
and learn wisdom. 

By the treacherous surprisal of Fort Casimir, 
then, did the crafty Swedes enjoy a transient tri- 
umph ; but drew upon their heads the vengeance of 
Peter Stuyvesant, who wrested all New-Sweden 
from their hands. By the conquest of New-Sweden, 
Peter Stuyvesant aroused the claims of Lord Balti- 
more; who appealed to the Cabinet of Great Brit- 



i 



CAUSE OF THE FRENCH REVOLUTION. 233 

ain; who subdued the whole province of New- 
Netherlands. By this great achievement, the whole 
extent of North America, from Nova Scotia to the 
Floridas, was rendered one entire dependency upon 
the British crown — but mark the consequence : — 
The hitherto scattered colonies being thus consoli- 
dated, and having no rival colonies to check or keep 
them in awe, waxed great and powerful, and finally 
becoming too strong for the mother country, were 
enabled to shake off its bonds, and by a glorious rev- 
olution became an independent empire. But the 
chain of effects stopped not here ; the successful rev- 
olution in America produced the sanguinary revolu- 
tion in France, which produced the puissant Buona- 
parte, who produced the French despotism, which 
has thrown the whole world in confusion ! — Thus 
have these great powers been successively punished 
for their ill-starred conquests — and thus, as I assert- 
ed, have all the present convulsions, revolutions, and 
disasters that overwhelm mankind, originated in the 
capture of the little Fort Casimir, as recorded in this 
eventful history. 

And now, worthy reader, ere I take a sad farewell 
— which, alas ! must be for ever — willingly would 1 
part in cordial fellowship, and bespeak thy kind 
hearted remembrance. That I have not written a 
better history of the days of the patriarchs, is not my 
fault — had any other person written one as good, 1 
should not have attempted it at all. That many will 
hereafter spring up and surpass me in excellence, I 
U2 



234 THE AUTHOR'S PARTING WORDS. 

have very little doubt, and still less care ; well know- 
ing, when the great Christovallo Colon (who is vul- 
garly called Columbus) had once stood his egg upon 
its end, every one at table could stand his up a thou- 
sand times more dexterously. Should any reader 
find matter of offence in this history, I should heartily 
grieve, though I would on no account question his 
penetration by telHng him he is mistaken — his good 
nature, by telling him he is captious— or his pure 
conscience, by telling him he is startled at a shadow. 
Surely if he is so ingenious in finding offence where 
none is intended, it were a thousand pities he should 
not be suffered to enjoy the benefit of his discovery. 

I have too high an opinion of the understanding 
of my fellow-citizens, to think of yielding them any 
instruction ; and I covet too much their good will, 
to forfeit it by giving them good advice. I am none 
of those cynics who despise the world because it 
despises them— on the contrary, though but low in 
its regard, I look up to it with the most perfect good 
nature, and my only sorrow is, that it does not prove 
itself more worthy of the unbounded love I bear it. 

If, however, in this my historic production — the 
scanty fruit of a long and laborious life — I have failed 
to gratify the dainty palate of the age, I can only 
lament my misfortune — for it is too late in the season 
for me even to hope to repair it. Already has with- 
ering age showered his sterile snows upon my brow ; 
in a little while, and this genial warmth, which still 
lingers around my heart, and throbs — worthy reader 



THE AUTHOR'S PARTING WORDS. 235 

— throbs kindly towards thyself, will be chilled for 
ever. Haply this frail compound of dust, which 
while alive may have given birth to nought but un- 
profitable weeds, may form an humble sod of the 
valley, from whence may spring many a sweet wild 
flower, to adorn my beloved island of Manna-hata ! 



THE END. 



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